tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-73091247297078703282024-03-13T10:53:40.739-06:00 Parenting For Singles "A divorce resource for strong PARENTS struggling to survive change and rebuild with their children"The Authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08260211923179409941noreply@blogger.comBlogger47125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309124729707870328.post-38870489736984601452014-12-01T04:30:00.001-07:002022-02-04T13:28:54.605-07:0012 Steps to Freedom - Based on a True Story<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNffv4yp3_RmhXS1FYamW-vb51wXLDg5OjH1-NiQPzw1OqLB6WZwLh23qI7Z1pTL13QkB_xmTyFuGU_cVPxI_rag88GIs65_rTnRDwWPAlXV69ecM2dS54-75bujtCgPAuXKsXhsDXJq0/s1600/Single+Parents-+fice+kids+jumping.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCrd2YoRcA1laEXXi8h_mJiItUYhBBT8M1otJ9Vi3YLmafaliI0Y-K8-1SFRJ8f1NzfhXq8FIZm_nUmGf39Z4W5T5aNDp0b0FfkN9mDQlrOH4lEW9D1XUhnYYLJIfra6qf1B5yL8dzAYk/s1600/happy-man-img.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="One unforeseen benefit from encountering and embracing these points will be the growth in your relationships with your children. " border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCrd2YoRcA1laEXXi8h_mJiItUYhBBT8M1otJ9Vi3YLmafaliI0Y-K8-1SFRJ8f1NzfhXq8FIZm_nUmGf39Z4W5T5aNDp0b0FfkN9mDQlrOH4lEW9D1XUhnYYLJIfra6qf1B5yL8dzAYk/s1600/happy-man-img.jpg" title="12 Steps to Freedom - Based on a True Story" width="400" /></a></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">One of the most, if not <i>thee</i> most difficult times you will endure will be during a marital separation. Going through my divorce with children tested every part of my being and w</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">hile my divorce wasn't particularly nasty, it wasn't a walk in the park either. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #141414;">Unknown to me at the time was the real test hadn’t come yet. The larger ordeal would come after the divorce.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a;">After a one-year separation, it took roughly an additional two years after the final divorce proceedings to work through emotional healing, coping with challenges from their mom, and helping my children acclimate to "</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">change." </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">The following list is a compilation of steps that I learned and accomplished with my children over the first three years. Achieving this list won’t be easy, but while working through the nonsense and staying your course is vital to your success, the overall outcome with your children is worth it.</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">One unforeseen benefit from encountering and embracing these points will be the growth in your relationships with your children. It’s hard to see now, but the depth and awareness you find with your children will be profound. E</span></span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">ventually, I went to court and brought my children home full-time. By this time, fortunately, I had already shared mutual understanding, trust, love, and respect with my children. It's the points below, that got us there.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">Here are the 12 points to success as you transition with your children:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">1. <a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/10/preparing-for-change-in-your-life.html" target="_blank">Preparing for Change</a>- LIFE may look disheartening on the surface, but a little deeper, closer look and there’s more than meets the eye. Nothing quite prepares us for this period, but it’s best to do with integrity and dignity. It doesn’t matter how the ex responds to change. It’s now your life moving forward while you go solo.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">2. <a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/10/new-household-status.html" target="_blank">New household status</a>- YOU are the boss of your own domain now. If you haven’t realized this already, this is now the time to take notice. One of the benefits to new single status is doing things your way and for your kids- release the inner voice held over from your ex that says otherwise. Buying new furniture or moving furniture the way you like or buying food for your diet and your cooking preferences is the new you. Change it up!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">3. <a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/10/adjusting-to-new-life-after-divorce.html" target="_blank">Adjusting to new life</a>- BREAKUPS don't end well, but that doesn’t matter anymore. The pains are still there which may drag up fears about your future, but you’re in a new place now with your new life and new heart- creating new habits, practices, and disciplines is your new norm. A good healthy distraction is your kids. Your children are your primary focus now along with you and career. They are depending on you now more than ever.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">4. <a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/11/our-children-after-divorce-integrating.html" target="_blank">Integrating into your kid’s lives</a>- RELATIONSHIPS with your children have new meaning regardless of your status prior to divorce; you have new opportunity to build deeper bonds merely from the additional individual closeness and time together. Your consistency here will develop a connection naturally over time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is irreversible. Eventually you will see how your relationships with your children deepen and you grow into a changed person with your new perspective.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">5. <a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/11/working-past-ex-negativity-and-games.html" target="_blank">Working past the ex, negativity, and games</a>- DIVORCE means the negativity can stop now- this was your married life, there's no reason to funnel or amplify the past. You went through the hassles of the divorce negotiations, so don’t get entangled or prolong the anxiety. Don’t react, but rather respond. No matter what you hear through small lips, defuse immature tactics with your warm persona, hugs, kisses, and smile with your children. It’ll be hard to hear, among other things, but <a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/02/children-of-divorce-your-child-loves.html">do this as a rule and show your loved one through example</a>- no muss no fuss.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">6. <a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/11/moving-forward-after-divorce.html" target="_blank">Moving forward</a>- HORIZONS are your new outlook. If you put too much emphasis on the other camp or keep looking back, you’ll only distract yourself from what’s really important in front of you. Stay focused on your kids in your household. It doesn’t matter what the other party is doing or saying- play out your new life designed to benefit your children and you. Play by the rules and play nice with the ex- honor the decree and enforce when necessary. When it comes to holidays or that special parenting day comes around annually, be flexible.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">7. <a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/12/building-structurein-your-kids-security.html" target="_blank">Building structure</a>- PROCESSING divorce is a time that is confusing for everyone. </span><a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/01/looking-beyond-adversity-for-divorcee.html">Add stability back into your kid’s lives</a><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"> by developing and building a framework of consistency and predictability into your home life. Structure is vital to your child’s long-term emotional health. Allocate times for important milestones in your day- such as playtime, meals, homework, bath, bed, etc.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">8. <a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/12/developing-rituals-that-change.html" target="_blank">Developing rituals with your children</a>- DEVELOP your </span><a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/06/building-family-rituals-brings-love-and.html" target="_blank">family rituals. Here are some examples.</a> By developing and bringing rituals into our home, we develop an accord. Family rituals provide opportunity for re-affirming and developing family values, faith, and life experiences. These experiences are a hidden reinforcement everything is going to be ok.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">9. <a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2013/01/being-reliable-resource-post-divorce.html" target="_blank">Being a reliable resource</a> – PRIORITIES are your children first. Share your intel: cell#, email, skype id, facetime id etc.. Communicate frequently and often with your children on your plans, travel, work, and schedule changes as though nothing has changed accept your living arrangements. Show through example, you will be there when needed. It may help to inform your work in advance you have a new household status and last minute notices may occur for daycare or school, etc as you adjust.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">10. <a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2013/01/teach-your-children-well.html" target="_blank">Teach your children well</a> -- DIVORCE</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #111111; line-height: 20px;"> isn’t the end of the world, obviously. It may bring fears and pains, though don’t let it project onto your kids. You are allowed to grieve as you accept the reality of your situation. However, your kids have so much more to learn from how you accept change and define your life as you move forward to a brighter, deeper, future together.</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">11. <a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2013/01/staying-positive.html" target="_blank">Staying positive</a> – EMOTIONS mean you will and should grieve from loss. Be selective when choosing your battles- look inward for insightful personal change and ownership. <o:p></o:p></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 20px;">You will know when you are whole and complete again. It might not happen today or tomorrow, but you’ll feel it eventually if you employ many of the tricks and tips within.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 20px;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">12. <a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2013/01/stick-with-what-works.html" target="_blank">Sticking with what works</a> – TRUST your parenting. Identify with your personal and parental gifts. If you don’t know what those are, here are a few to consider- love, patience, hugs, smiles, positive notes, holding hands, cooking, learning together, growing together, taking ownership, leading by example, not playing the victim, humor, and thoughtful acts of kindness. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">The other camp may not appreciate the bright spots you will develop (and there will be plenty) with your children, but stay the course as outlined above, ignore the chatter, play nice, and everything will be ok- my personal guarantee and stamp of approval lies within.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><br />
</span></span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">My book, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 20px;"><i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-After-Divorce-Reaffirming-Relationships/dp/1483982327/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1371571807&sr=1-1&keywords=bruce+buccio" target="_blank">"Parenting After Divorce: Rebuilding Your Life and Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter"</a>,</i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a;"> is based in whole from these concepts and therefore my successes. Join my awareness program that correlates and supports the same strategies and philosophies. You can learn more<a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/p/seminar.html" target="_blank"> about this program here</a> and provide input or feedback based on your very unique circumstances. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><br />
<br />
<div style="line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSXExNUlqVM5ilZGyMaZH6mvVZAbmDTIOy60MyGg_9gxFvnepQyT0vli7AyIlz2GZT1h9nj8dhyBwA2slziJGElP2mFlEcai2Zlag2HULdJiEp0YWjBPGyZLcfi8a_pPZ163chEW5DdOc/s1600/single+parenting.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; color: #6699cc; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br class="Apple-interchange-newline" /><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSXExNUlqVM5ilZGyMaZH6mvVZAbmDTIOy60MyGg_9gxFvnepQyT0vli7AyIlz2GZT1h9nj8dhyBwA2slziJGElP2mFlEcai2Zlag2HULdJiEp0YWjBPGyZLcfi8a_pPZ163chEW5DdOc/s1600/single+parenting.jpg" style="border: none; position: relative;" /></span></a></div><div style="margin: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br />
</span></div></div><div style="margin: 0px;"><div style="line-height: 1.5em;"><div style="margin: 0px;"></div></div><div style="margin: 0px; position: relative;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal; line-height: 14px;">Bruce Buccio counsels and mentors</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal; line-height: 16px;"> single and co-parents professionally in</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal; line-height: 14px;"> P</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal; line-height: 16px;">arenting, Relationships, Personal Growth and Life Changes. Bruce is Mediator, Court Appointed Child Advocate</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-weight: normal; line-height: 16px;">. Bruce writes today about inspiration, growth and love.</span></div></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"> © 2020- Bruce Buccio</span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Bruce Buccio resides in a small cozy town in Colorado with his beautiful and supportive wife, finds beauty in the small things, openness/ honesty, and is author of "Parenting After Divorce: Rebuilding Your Life And Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter (2013)." Bruce is a court appointed child advocate volunteering his mediation and counseling services to persons in need of parenting, relationship, personal growth and life changes. Today, he writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</div>The Authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08260211923179409941noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309124729707870328.post-12054826856069658012014-09-22T11:44:00.000-06:002014-10-10T17:16:37.326-06:00Single Status Through The Parade of Holidays<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi99TjThZuo5pdTPvGKhA-Frl0RpY1xN48Mg_UJfjFdxdk9J7PiZNtUfaWLeonuENS44ehtX_ybsEY1KfcbDNiwndpoyRkSLYg5G1NYntpLx0orZNWhbbtgUnZ560bVTkUZVEkOwz0fCeE/s1600/single+with+child+upside.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="Few enjoy returning to family on festive holidays without someone in tow- a kind of shield if you will. Lets admit having someone on our arm helps deflect the questioning and certain glances we could do without." border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi99TjThZuo5pdTPvGKhA-Frl0RpY1xN48Mg_UJfjFdxdk9J7PiZNtUfaWLeonuENS44ehtX_ybsEY1KfcbDNiwndpoyRkSLYg5G1NYntpLx0orZNWhbbtgUnZ560bVTkUZVEkOwz0fCeE/s1600/single+with+child+upside.jpeg" height="271" title="Single Status Through Parade of Holidays" width="400" /></a></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">With the entire summer season done and quickly becoming a distant memory, those flying solo know, consciously or otherwise, the parade of holidays is just over the horizon. It's that gamut of dates through winter which heighten emotions about going single handed, being alone or without love.</span><br />
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span> <span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Few enjoy returning to family on festive holidays without someone in tow- a kind of shield if you will. Lets admit having someone on our arm helps deflect the questioning and certain glances we could do without. You know the ones who are thinking or saying it-- the "poor so-and-so has no one in their life." As if you can't take care of your self or be alone and still be happy. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></span> <span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">Well, that's yesterdays news. Times have changed. Single status has more glory, or teeth if you will, by today's standards. Yes. </span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">You can be happy right where you are and still have no desire to date. </span><a href="http://madamenoire.com/205069/id-rather-be-single-than-deal-with-how-i-realized-im-my-happiest-when-riding-solo/">After all, there’s no need to date when its all wrong.</a> </span><br />
<span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
</span></span> <span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Once upon a time I planned a two-year sabbatical free from intimate relationships during a period in my life through 2007 and most of 2008. It was a personal time for reflection. It helped and I succeeded in ways that were not comprehensible in the beginning. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
</span></span> <span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">I touch on this period in my life in the post, </span><i style="color: #1a1a1a;"><a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/03/8-keys-to-finding-harmony-and-balance.html" target="_blank">8 Keys to Finding Harmony and Balance,</a> </i><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">a self discovery and investigation after acknowledging a few hefty years looking in the wrong direction. </span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">During this time, I focused on my kids, my career and me- in that order.</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"> I had reached a 10-year anniversary of my divorce and had just ended a significant relationship. They weren't related. It was mere coincidence. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
</span></span> <span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">But still as I looked back I wasn't happy with my current status. </span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">I took a step back and reviewed the picture I created. </span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">If there is one sole item I walked away with, it's simple relationships with people is all that we need-- that </span><a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/03/are-you-happy-what-is-real-happiness.html" target="_blank">love isn’t as important if you love yourself.</a> </span><br />
<span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
</span></span> <span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">For some, intimacy is the icing on the cake we’d like to ignore or put aside because we know its not good for us right now. And that’s ok.</span><i style="color: #1a1a1a;"> </i><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">S</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">ome may date more thinking we need to have another person in our lives for our children. I've been in both places while single. Early on, I thought it was imperative for my children to see me in a loving relationship and with a woman who could also be a significant role model.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
</span> <span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">During my personal trials of dating, I subjected myself from the moving-way-to-fast to the inexplicable and why-am-I-doing-this. Regardless, I always stayed true when it came to my children. With few exceptions, I kept my personal life private and my kids were always my priority.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">One dynamic element to dating is where do the children relate. It's really not wise to bring the children into the picture until you’ve reached a certain plateau with the other person in your life. </span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">From my own personal experiences, 3-6 months is a good rule of thumb for introducing the children and only when exclusive with the other party. Meeting my children was a privilege in my opinion.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
</span> <span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">So build that parade platform, ready your self for the ride, single or not, bring in the holidays with great spirit and especially with a renewed attitude. Find all opportunities to be with family and friends to bring in the festivities or host your own party, and take a "bite" out of the projections from naysayers who want to perceive otherwise. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">All relationships are vital to our well-being. Having people near, such as friends, family, neighbors, coworkers, and most acquaintances help us learn more about ourselves. </span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">There’s so much to gain by reaching out through existing and new extended areas of our lives. When generating opportunity for being with others in School, Career, Hobbies, Sports, etc, something may just happen by natural progression. That’s significant.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Here are some quick and fast rules to honor when dating as single parents:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none; text-indent: .25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">Meeting your children is a privilege and only after you are exclusive.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none; text-indent: .25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><span style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">Apply 3 to</span></span></span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"> 6 months to gauge when to enter the kids regardless of holidays.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none; text-indent: .25in;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><span style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">Single with children through the holidays has too many benefits to overlook.</span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none; text-indent: .25in;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4. </span></span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">Friendship is the foundation to all things good.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7QMn8S_0SlB_Rt3IbFvNlgaGCOhRfTL78x_X26WT7Waf02kF9P_XpnaQiq0NA6OPl96zNVW9mLw-XMg-vCwU8AJkjcmszSScrFKWTamBrBiusEERJvLcmoily7HkeMcfMc0cFNR_naHI/s1600/single+parenting.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7QMn8S_0SlB_Rt3IbFvNlgaGCOhRfTL78x_X26WT7Waf02kF9P_XpnaQiq0NA6OPl96zNVW9mLw-XMg-vCwU8AJkjcmszSScrFKWTamBrBiusEERJvLcmoily7HkeMcfMc0cFNR_naHI/s1600/single+parenting.png" /></a></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Bruce Buccio resides in a small cozy town in Colorado with his beautiful new wife, is loving dad, and author of <a href="http://www.brucebuccio.com/" target="_blank">"Parenting After Divorce: Rebuilding Your Life And Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter (2013),"</a> court appointed child advocate and expert helping families professionally in mediation, parenting, relationship, personal growth and life changes. Today, he writes primarily inspired by experiences raising his children, but also writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 20px;"> </span></div>
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">© 2014 Bruce Buccio</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Bruce Buccio resides in a small cozy town in Colorado with his beautiful and supportive wife, finds beauty in the small things, openness/ honesty, and is author of "Parenting After Divorce: Rebuilding Your Life And Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter (2013)." Bruce is a court appointed child advocate volunteering his mediation and counseling services to persons in need of parenting, relationship, personal growth and life changes. Today, he writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</div>The Authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08260211923179409941noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309124729707870328.post-81284128234509419382014-08-01T13:10:00.000-06:002014-08-01T13:29:31.300-06:00Going The Distance In Love Only To Be Taken For A Loop<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTK-FQTQQ25GnyvB4YUqDxezlvtWLT-grAPOHNoJz-QLqmHhMZ9BRjj-5bvQeruSiP-W953NMS5OFDb826_l3uNV_bbfD-yqERrbDjavuCnlYlvG70ysoAyBAmKZxpoZIv0GbzL_g2ggo/s1600/ways-to-love.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="You go the distance thinking your partner is there every step of the way and then boom-- you get taken for a loop. No one likes to hit the recycle button." border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTK-FQTQQ25GnyvB4YUqDxezlvtWLT-grAPOHNoJz-QLqmHhMZ9BRjj-5bvQeruSiP-W953NMS5OFDb826_l3uNV_bbfD-yqERrbDjavuCnlYlvG70ysoAyBAmKZxpoZIv0GbzL_g2ggo/s1600/ways-to-love.jpg" height="266" title="Love and heartbreak" width="400" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times roman';">What is it about love that has us so? Love in our heart gives us this malleable nature within- an intrinsic ability to allow others to feel our imminence, sensitivity and kindness. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times roman';">It's paradoxical how love heals, empowers, creates dreams, makes us do funny even downright goofy things. But when not handled properly, can lead us astray and downright hurt.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times roman";">Sharing our life and our heart brings its risks undoubtedly- we put our self out there with genuine thoughts and expectations only to have our most treasured, protected and tendered area stepped on. You go the distance thinking your partner is there every step of the way and then boom-- you get taken for a loop. No one likes to hit the recycle button.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times roman";">It’s not easy moving forward in an environment unsympathetic to a yoyo stemmed life of drama, excitement, let </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times roman';">downs, passion, setbacks, bliss, etc. You know the routine. The ups and downs and thrashing of emotions takes on symptoms of vertigo. But we do it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times roman';"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times roman';">It’s in our nature to accept challenges, learn from mistakes and misfortune, adapt, and then forgive. We also learn from how we relate and the heart-filled sensations we discover along the way. This is what keeps bringing us back. Love fills a void and expands our chest cavity. Love is a drug. We jump back in knowing it's addictive spirit.</span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times roman";">"Love moves mountains" is a cliché many of us have heard, some will inevitably experience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s that “Wow” factor that breaks down personal barriers, turns the stubborn into the tractable and the heartless into merciful. Love is a lot of things and here are a few adjectives I personally associate: </span><span style="font-family: "Times roman";">commitment, intimacy, chemistry, attachment, caring, patience, kindness, affection, compassion, and selflessness</span><span style="font-family: "Times roman";">. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times roman";">Are you happy in love or part of the malcontent in perpetual groan?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Perhaps you are in the middle somewhere investigating something new or maybe searching. That covers the broadband of areas in terms of relationships and love. Which category are you? </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times roman';">Chances are high if you are happy in love you wouldn't be deep in this article. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times roman';"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times roman';">I have a hypothesis. If you are the wonderful things you feel, and you are not getting the results you desire whether you are in a relationship or not, it may be time to start your life. In otherwords, move forward with you, your plans, your ideas and give yourself consent to allow things to happen and the result may just be everlasting.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times roman';"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times roman";">These are the personal traits, which attract us initially to others: confidence, attitude, purpose or direction, and your beautiful smile. If you are doing the things you really enjoy, living a life filled with substance outside of work and family, your perception of self will change, and your attitude and outlook as perceived by others will follow. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times roman";"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times roman";">Get out. Achieve the things you never had time. Make a list of at least 10 things you know you would enjoy- don’t think just write. Now review your list in no particular order. What are the two things that stand out the most? Do them. That’s your start.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times roman";">Choose items you know you would enjoy now, today- perhaps things you procrastinated on, never had the money, miss as a favorite past-time, or maybe even dreamed about when you were younger.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times roman";">Here’s a highlight of where I’m going:<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: .05in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times roman";">If you are looking for love or wanting love in your current relationship, look inward. The evaluation there is what will get you where you want to go. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: .05in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times roman";">By finding and adding more substance in your life, you will achieve bigger personal growth. John Lennon had a saying, “ Life happens when you are making other plans.” <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: .05in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times roman";">Stop doing the same things over again wishing for a hit. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: .05in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times roman";">Relationships that develop and grow organically are ideal. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: .05in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">5.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times roman";">Start your life and maybe life will start for you.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times roman";">My theory, in a nutshell, is if you work on you, your new priorities, your goals and your objectives and make those things your primary focus, then things will begin to happen for the better in many different capacities in your life on many different platforms. </span><span style="color: #0e0e0e; font-family: "Times roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;">Your </span><span style="font-family: "Times roman";">growth leads to your potential. Control your destiny, be fearless ...and smile.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><a href="https://plus.google.com/100564216820182910841" style="color: #33aaff; text-decoration: underline;"><img alt="My Photo" class="profile-img" src="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-WVVK082UFHA/AAAAAAAAAAI/AAAAAAAAFgw/vyIAE6TBTXg/s512-c/photo.jpg" height="80" style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; float: left; margin-bottom: 0.5em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0.75em; margin-top: 0px; position: relative;" width="80" /></a></span><br />
<dl class="profile-datablock" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0.5em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"></dl><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Bruce Buccio resides in Colorado, USA, with his beautiful new wife, is loving dad, Author of <a href="http://www.brucebuccio.com/" rel="" style="color: #336699; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">"Parenting After Divorce: Rebuilding Your Life And Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter (2013),"</a> court appointed state child advocate and expert counseling families professionally in parenting, relationship, personal growth and life changes. Today, he writes primarily inspired by experiences raising his children as single dad, but also writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">-photo courtesy: "thebridgemaker.com"</span></span></div></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">© <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">2014 Bruce Buccio</span></span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Bruce Buccio resides in a small cozy town in Colorado with his beautiful and supportive wife, finds beauty in the small things, openness/ honesty, and is author of "Parenting After Divorce: Rebuilding Your Life And Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter (2013)." Bruce is a court appointed child advocate volunteering his mediation and counseling services to persons in need of parenting, relationship, personal growth and life changes. Today, he writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</div>The Authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08260211923179409941noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309124729707870328.post-23073133645450529262014-07-24T14:16:00.000-06:002014-07-25T09:31:32.786-06:00Building Family Rituals Brings Love and Lasting Memory<div style="text-align: right;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjBJgVb96gckZfWaLn7yV6QoNv7GKyVC2A1F_Dl2HZuN-Y3-ssEQyRzQyY1d4zOfVCDuGzSq0VZr7ZRfZ3eY2RdzFFhKmXfJC1KQmRQ7inm7SCxBWTovjrpdNtSNZh5X5o6qa9QqQNX0o/s1600/Single+Parents-+family+rituals.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="Traditions are a hidden reinforcement or way of strengthening family bonds ceremonially with your loved ones. " border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjBJgVb96gckZfWaLn7yV6QoNv7GKyVC2A1F_Dl2HZuN-Y3-ssEQyRzQyY1d4zOfVCDuGzSq0VZr7ZRfZ3eY2RdzFFhKmXfJC1KQmRQ7inm7SCxBWTovjrpdNtSNZh5X5o6qa9QqQNX0o/s400/Single+Parents-+family+rituals.png" height="267" title="Building family rituals brings love and lasting memory" width="400" /></a></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Summer is in full passage. Everyone would agree, the summer season is a fine time for family, outdoors, quick getaways, vacations, sun, concerts, relaxation, or doing what ever suits your imagination. Summer is for fun.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">This time of year is also a reminder of family rituals, for me personally, and the deep thoughts and sensation that follow. Building rituals into our lives creates surreal memories and love. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">What’s even more remarkable about rituals is their origin- starting from an idea, growing by natural progression with loved ones and blossoming into something very special for a lifetime. Rituals have the potential to become traditions, which may then get passed down into generations. The very thought of sharing and witnessing our family traditions into my prime with grand children warms my heart.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">All it takes to start a ritual is a little imagination and group enthusiasm- this organized effort can transform and brings love and lasting memory. Rituals and traditions alike bring family together. Family rituals provide opportunity for re-affirming and developing family values, faith, and life experiences together. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">These experiences are a hidden reinforcement or way of strengthening bonds ceremonially. These events are a reflection that family is important. Traditions are vital to the family unit. While having dinner together, as an example, has become more challenging by today’s standards, sitting down more often as a family may serve to re-kindle the spirit of that tradition. For families on the go, think about insisting on sitting down for a healthy dinner every Sunday as a start to provide "must" quality time and togetherness.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Make it a priority to create customary events surrounding your lifestyle. It's not hard. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I personally looked for hobbies and interests, including my own as a child, to share with my children. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I sought out favorite past times from my youth to incorporate with my children to share and keep the traditions going. Reliving parts of our youth with our children is a fulfilling opportunity to underline bonds. Providing and supporting these types of events to help my children identify with my childhood is a feeling beyond which I don’t have words.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Rituals I enjoyed as a child were sledding down winding snowy New Hampshire roads, ice skating on the local pond, and shoveling 5 ft snow drifts into Eskimo igloos. During the summer months, I enjoyed neighborhood rituals such as: Kick-the-can, Capture the Flag, building real usable go-carts for those same winding roads, and climbing the tallest trees to see if I could touch the sky!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Here are rituals I began with my children:</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>Christmas Eve Pajamas-</b> When my kids were very young and video recording at the time was a highlight to our Christmas, I thought of waking up in new pajamas. My kids found opening pajamas on the eve of Christmas and wearing through Christmas morning a treat and twenty years later this tradition holds today.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>Hidden Christmas Ornaments-</b> While on the subject of Christmas, the Christmas after I divorced I started hanging new ornaments annually, typically of Santa and Snowman themes for each daughter, on the tree marked with year notation and special message. My original thought was my kids would have enough ornaments to hang on their first tree one day showing every year we spent together. Today my kids insist to keep this tradition going at our home base even though they live elsewhere.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>Camping/ Horseback/ Tubing-</b> I would attempt once a year to venture into the Colorado Mountains to be Colorado's greatest outdoorsman. For one long weekend we would camp, build a fire, cook, walk in nature, and explore. I love horseback and would incorporate into our trip often. Other times we would tube down nearby Colorado creeks. As the children got older this was harder to find time, but it’s the memories we reflect on that are important and will bring us back again someday.<i> </i></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; border-collapse: collapse; line-height: 19px;">Yippie-yi-yo-ki-yay</span><span class="Apple-style-span">! </span></i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>Finding “The Rock”-</b> I have a framed picture with my kids sitting on a large rock on Mt. Evans in central Colorado. One day I decided to take us back to this memorable place in search of the exact over-sized boulder we recorded previously. Spontaneity is a good thing. Eventually, this became the perfect perpetual excuse for a quick getaway for a day trip with new clues. Almost 17 years after original picture was photographed we finally discovered this evasive and mysterious stone and recorded in our original positions.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>Skiing Thanksgiving Weekend-</b> The American Thanksgiving Holiday is typically the first ski day for most Colorado resorts. Naturally, we wanted to be with the first ascendants to break in the season. I taught my kids to ski at Breckenridge, Co. For several years we spent time on those peaks over the gliders and rollers through the trees and onto virgin snow powder. The memories and pictures still serve us well. Eventually, we moved on to more aggressive slopes at Beaver Creek, Vail, Copper Mtn, A-Basin, Steamboat, and Crested Butte. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>Carving Pumpkins-</b> Selecting the right pumpkin for the right display is almost as much fun as cutting into Jack-o-lanterns. You don’t know how creative your children are until you hand them an abstract and imaginary task. I became very impressed with the complexity of the designs. This ritual of course followed Halloween and displaying our artwork on the front home stoop proudly was always great pleasure.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>Easter Egg Baskets-</b> Easter is an important date for acknowledging our savior’s transcendence for our sins. I’m also one of those parents that have a hard time giving up displaying a basket even though my children are all in their twenties now. I still dole out candy for my daughters who can be here, and baskets are shipped for those who can’t. It’s primarily a way of holding onto the past when they were little perhaps. I always found joy in seeing my kids faces light up no matter the occasion. I'll admit, I still steal this opportunity.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>Daniels Park Hike-</b> When I felt we needed to exert some energy, Daniels Park never failed. This park was a short drive out to a rural area with a phenomenal panoramic view of the Rocky Mountains and Mt Evans mentioned above. The park stands high on a mesa and is a mecca for beginning rock climbers. We would travel the ornery paths through, around, and atop massive rocks circumventing the mesa to a stone cabin in the distance. Our reward was standing tall atop the cabin and yell out into the open space toward the Rockies.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>Labor Day in Aspen, Co-</b> We ended the summer season with flair in a road trip to Aspen, Co over the Labor Day weekend. This ritual started after a remarkable camping trip (and horseback ride in Carbondale, Co) culminated over the September holiday that year in Aspen. I made sure we returned the same time every year to ride horseback, see a concert, eat ice cream at the "Paradise Bakery" in town, buy small gifts and tokens, celebrate a birthday, and view the large network of Aspen trees, etc.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>Vacations-</b> Every two years I would take my kids on excursions primarily around the US. We visited southern California, Catalina Island, Vancouver British Columbia, Outer Banks North Carolina, and perhaps my favorite, New York City and the New Jersey Shoreline. It was on this shore I spent most of my teens. It brought me a lot of joy sharing the beach, surroundings, and this type of experience with my kids.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>Date Night-</b> I started a rotation of weekly one-on-one dates with my young girls shortly after their mom and I separated. One evening a week typically from 5 til 9pm, I let my date choose her dinner place and then some activity afterwards. During conversation waiting for and over dinner I would learn and understand my daughter's world listening to her ideas, thoughts, and imagination. This was my opportunity to show each child individually I have a stake in their lives, they are important, and I approve of them lovingly and with acceptance. Afterwards consisted of movies, playtime at a favorite indoor amusement place or nearby park, making desserts, hide-and-seek and board games, inline skating, mini-golf, bicycling, sporting and concert venues, or painting ceramic arts and crafts- anything which brought lighthearted fun without the need for discipline or judgment.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>Making Pizza- </b>My father was our family’s first generation born American. My extended family on my Dads side, Agatha and Vito descended from Italy- just to give credit to my mom, my Nana Chantal was French Canadian and my grandpa Fred was German. My dad started making pizza on a whim one day when I was about fourteen. He was always seeking ways to cut financial corners. When my two oldest daughters were about three and five and I was well into my twenties, I brought the tradition home. Today, our pizza has improved, recipes are handed down, and is much better than I remember. Sorry Dad, R.I.P.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>Saying, “Goodnight, I love you”-</b> The least time consuming of rituals may sometimes be the most endearing. At the end of the day I would tuck in my children for the night. In the early years they shared bedrooms and I would make the ritual of getting to their rooms just in time for an, “I love you”, listen and share some of the highlights of the day, and maybe some thoughts and plans for the days ahead. As they grew older into their teens and into their own individual bedrooms, my two oldest moved away from this experience, but I haven’t forgotten. My youngest two, would call out as they lay into bed well into their mid-teens. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Summer is here. If you haven't already, start planning and generating this Summer's seasonal traditions. In the meantime, my family rituals and traditions keep moving and the wonderful memories grow fonder. I know it’s not too late to start new ones and my children now have opportunity to begin their own and renew old ones. The very thought of sharing and witnessing our family traditions into my aging prime someday with extended family warms my heart.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><a href="https://plus.google.com/100564216820182910841" style="color: #33aaff; text-decoration: underline;"><img alt="My Photo" class="profile-img" src="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-WVVK082UFHA/AAAAAAAAAAI/AAAAAAAAFgw/vyIAE6TBTXg/s512-c/photo.jpg" height="80" style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; float: left; margin-bottom: 0.5em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0.75em; margin-top: 0px; position: relative;" width="80" /></a></span><br />
<dl class="profile-datablock" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0.5em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"></dl>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Bruce Buccio resides in Colorado, USA, with his beautiful new wife, is loving dad, Author of <a href="http://www.brucebuccio.com/" rel="" style="color: #336699; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">"Parenting After Divorce: Rebuilding Your Life And Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter (2013),"</a> court appointed state child advocate and expert counseling families professionally in parenting, relationship, personal growth and life changes. Today, he writes primarily inspired by experiences raising his children as single dad, but also writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</span></span></div>
<br />
photo courtesy: www.flickr.com/photos/stacibug<br />
<br />
© 2014 Bruce Buccio<div class="blogger-post-footer">Bruce Buccio resides in a small cozy town in Colorado with his beautiful and supportive wife, finds beauty in the small things, openness/ honesty, and is author of "Parenting After Divorce: Rebuilding Your Life And Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter (2013)." Bruce is a court appointed child advocate volunteering his mediation and counseling services to persons in need of parenting, relationship, personal growth and life changes. Today, he writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</div>The Authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08260211923179409941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309124729707870328.post-25219111871908554832014-06-30T19:35:00.000-06:002014-06-30T15:32:24.950-06:00Is there good merit to developing a well-adjusted child featuring their independence <div style="text-align: right;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWILnvIjo5G6PvGfxh_9sM5xGQG1AV8ea4R2cQtlTMWc_LnLJ1khs1B0dgSMJB1XTxD7cfBfRhf2-Kw1TlOPOFmFNLJVSwRwtZjF4degDHcEbfWhRscjU0tD455PLXKAjZELv2U5YOTA8/s1600/kids-with-4th-of-july-flags.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="The concept of planning to raise a child who’ll develop instincts with keen ambition and enthusiasm to always do well is, in theory and in practice, very feasible. " border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWILnvIjo5G6PvGfxh_9sM5xGQG1AV8ea4R2cQtlTMWc_LnLJ1khs1B0dgSMJB1XTxD7cfBfRhf2-Kw1TlOPOFmFNLJVSwRwtZjF4degDHcEbfWhRscjU0tD455PLXKAjZELv2U5YOTA8/s1600/kids-with-4th-of-july-flags.jpg" height="267" title=" There is good merit and lasting fulfillment to developing a well-adjusted child in a supportive and responsive environment featuring independence, maturity, self-reliance, self-control, curiosity, friendliness and achievement." width="400" /></a></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The concept of planning to raise a child who’ll develop instincts with keen ambition and enthusiasm to always do well is, in theory and in practice, very feasible. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">There is good merit and lasting fulfillment to developing a well-adjusted child in a supportive and responsive environment featuring independence, maturity, self-reliance, self-control, curiosity, friendliness and achievement.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">With Independence Day drawing near, it makes me think about another twist regarding this important day. My kids' independence. The web offers a long list of parenting styles and opinions on what’s the best way to parent your children. I recall shortly before the web came into play, we had to rely on books written by doctors. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Even after divorcing, (the same year as the advent of the world wide web) I had no desire to use the internet for parenting-- I knew what was important. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Today everyone has an opinion on the matters of raising children, including me. My thoughts are based on my personal experiences raising children through three phases of marital status: marriage, co-parenting, and then single parenting with an absent ex-spouse when I achieved full custody.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">My only request, and only discussion on the matter of raising children incidentally, to my kid’s mom was no hitting. Spanking as a discipline was how she was raised and preferred to stay with that approach. I grew up in a household where a belt was used.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I knew before my 21st birthday that I wanted children and I wanted it to be different. I wanted more involvement and engagement in my children’s lives. I thought about more availability to intellectual, emotional, and shared activities. </span><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I thought about a good balance of clearly stated, high demands with emotional responsiveness and respect for my child's autonomy. I would promote an atmosphere where I could teach values and good virtue. I would make my children a priority and I never waivered from this approach, even through three phases of household status.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">From the time my little ones began running through the home with self-confidence, we moved their activity to the playground. In my opinion, this was where and when my children were ready (and with the right dynamics and atmosphere in place) for me to encourage and cultivate their liberties.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Here there was room to explore, make friends, show off, fall and get hurt, be humbled, cry, find empathy in others, get acquainted, and soar with excitement and enthusiasm among other benefits. I watched carefully on how each responded to all these dynamics surrounding the playground. </span><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Scrapes and bruises were plenty-- each child would seek out my comfort for all dilemmas initially. As long as each child knew and trusted my availability was just a few steps away, they would gain confidence in their new world. Sometimes comfort that I was near is all that was needed and maybe a Band-Aid other times. </span><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I let my loved ones run the gamut-- engaging when time warranted and letting them soar when they released me. My confidence and beaming smile may have been their inspiration. My outward and embracing arms would become a landing and launching pad for each. As they grew older, the surroundings and environment changed, though my endearing and inspiring confidence remained with my smiling face. </span><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">From the household to the playground to more structured environments such as school, organized sports, or any other set of a number of intellectual and/or physical interactive interests, new stepping stones provided overall inspired them to take larger steps. My unwavering support was always in play. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Here are five staples I developed for my children:</span><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/01/single-parents-with-children-taking.html" target="_blank">Learn to take Risk.</a> Taking risks is ok, if your child understands and is ready to accept the consequences. Risk isn't a word we normally choose when talking with our children. We all know risks too well as adults. As a child and especially into our teens we never labeled it "risks". It may have been referred to simply as taking chances, not thinking, or maybe just a little too much fun. Are you with me?</span><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/01/parents-love-let-your-child-grow.html" target="_blank">Learn to help themselves.</a> Perhaps the hardest part of being a parent is watching your child fall; the proverbial face plant in the midst of one of life’s critical moments. There is no guidebook on how a child should endure life’s little challenges. How you handle your observations, from a parent point of view is what separates you from the pack.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/02/parents-sports-help-children-prepare.html" target="_blank">Learn to get involved.</a> Even at the very lowest recreational level, sports or any engaging activity can expose a child to social interaction influenced primarily by positive situations. In this example I use sports. If recognized and supported properly this can help build character in your child. Exposure to sports at any level will open your child to issues, which parallel life in general.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/01/looking-beyond-adversity-for-divorcee.html" target="_blank">Learn from structure.</a> Build routine into your child’s lives. Allow them to be and feel safe with their new arrangement. Make your children your priority. Find and create as much time as possible with your kids.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/02/children-and-discipline-never-having-to.html" target="_blank">Learn from good discipline.</a> Finding the right balance that works with your child is your prerogative, within reason of course. What would happen if you were to start reasoning with your child with rationale and a good understanding of the issues as if you were... <i>mentoring</i>.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><a href="https://plus.google.com/100564216820182910841" style="color: #33aaff; text-decoration: underline;"><img alt="My Photo" class="profile-img" height="80" src="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-WVVK082UFHA/AAAAAAAAAAI/AAAAAAAAFgw/vyIAE6TBTXg/s512-c/photo.jpg" style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; float: left; margin-bottom: 0.5em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0.75em; margin-top: 0px; position: relative;" width="80" /></a></span><br />
<dl class="profile-datablock" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0.5em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"></dl>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Bruce Buccio resides in Colorado, USA, with his beautiful new wife, is loving dad, Author of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-After-Divorce-Reaffirming-Relationships/dp/1483982327" rel="nofollow" style="color: #336699; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">"Parenting After Divorce: Rebuilding Your Life And Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter (2013),"</a> court appointed state child advocate and expert counseling families professionally in parenting, relationship, personal growth and life changes. Today, he writes primarily inspired by experiences raising his children as single dad, but also writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</span></span></div>
<br /><br />Photo courtesy "sheknows.com"<br />
<br />
© 2014 Bruce Buccio<div class="blogger-post-footer">Bruce Buccio resides in a small cozy town in Colorado with his beautiful and supportive wife, finds beauty in the small things, openness/ honesty, and is author of "Parenting After Divorce: Rebuilding Your Life And Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter (2013)." Bruce is a court appointed child advocate volunteering his mediation and counseling services to persons in need of parenting, relationship, personal growth and life changes. Today, he writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</div>The Authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08260211923179409941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309124729707870328.post-51710317743571680012014-06-15T11:57:00.000-06:002014-07-24T10:55:09.619-06:00Celebrating Fathers Day- What it means to be a Father<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwBmL6CfrAV-AFh4d4rA6V_hWVGuhym_wnE0z1Wi9oJ9Ql0T1IQleNb_BuNIZxrOA_AlZa225td0COtQ_cZmIwqNo-Dso8Oa4L-6ULB65EEArOL903AX-Rx5bz1Iyq6-0huFxVbENNsNE/s1600/Single+Parents-+Fathers+Day.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="Being a dad is a blessing. For most fathers I don’t need to explain. Its difficult putting the right words together expressing to dads-to-be or childless men what it means to be a father. " border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwBmL6CfrAV-AFh4d4rA6V_hWVGuhym_wnE0z1Wi9oJ9Ql0T1IQleNb_BuNIZxrOA_AlZa225td0COtQ_cZmIwqNo-Dso8Oa4L-6ULB65EEArOL903AX-Rx5bz1Iyq6-0huFxVbENNsNE/s400/Single+Parents-+Fathers+Day.png" height="400" title="Celebrating Father's Day- What it means to be a Father" width="265" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dads are King of the Mountain / <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/jennifercawleyphotographs/6378585055/in/photostream" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Jennifer Cawley</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Lets just move to the point. Being a dad is a blessing. For
most fathers I don’t need to explain. Its difficult putting the right words
together expressing to dads-to-be or childless men what it means to be a father. How do you explain to someone who has
never had the connection or the feeling developed between a father and his
child? There is no other encounter
one can match to identify with this experience. It doesn’t exist.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When a child loves you unconditionally and depends on you
for their very existence, it forever changes a man. By building a relationship
with your child, you learn some very important attributes about being a gentle giant. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
More than any sport, exercise or workout regimen, or career, a man will
learn endurance, staying power, strength, resilience, determination, and
fortitude. More than football, rugby, and ice hockey, or even a mountain climb,
a child will test your very limits without trying or knowing. You can hang up
your cleats or skates and return to action another time, but not with your
infant.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Having a child for the first time challenges a man’s
stamina- his heart, backbone, and mindset. This conversion will turn the
biggest and strongest of men into caring, gentle, and sensitive beings with
their new bundle. The event separates the men from the boys. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Being a father isn’t innate, in my opinion, like a mother’s native
instinct to her newborn- this is a very natural and wholesome bond. A new
infant equals instant connection to her/his mother. There’s no middle step. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
New dads have to work at it through trial and error and progression.
Some dads are naturals and very fortunate – perhaps having good parents,
family, and community to help mold him into the man he is today. Even this is
no guarantee he’ll be a good dad.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Being a father isn’t just for anyone. Too often some just turn
their backs. Where are they going? Perhaps by walking away some may speculate
is better for the child in the long run. Negatives in a child’s life would be
worse than nothing at all, in my opinion. It’s crucial for children to have fathers
in their lives, though. Some never get it. They are too weak to comprehend the
magnitude of their decision. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Some dads just accept they are in over their heads and never
rebound. You can bring a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.
Unfortunately, others give up before they even start. Imagine their growth and
mutual benefit if they didn’t walk away. For all the ones who walk, I hope
there is another who steps up. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You don’t have to help in a child’s conception to be a good
dad. You can still show a child how awesome and approve of with loving
acceptance without the bio credentials. Your support in raising a child could
make all the difference in a child’s outlook and life.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Regardless of childhood or past experiences, you can tell a
good dad right away just by his attempt. Being a good dad starts with
self-discipline and desire to be the one who counts. Yes, lives are counting on
you.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There may not be enough room here to express what it means
to me about being my kids’ dad. I have grown to understand my children. They
are a part of me. Our relationship started in the middle of the night next to
their crib- holding, swaying, whispering, humming, etc. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Our connection grew through feedings, diaper changes, and
early Saturday mornings so their mother could sleep in. Just for the record, I
slept in on Sunday mornings. We worked like a wrestling tagging team- how else
could you conquer four little ones?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Beyond self-discipline and desire came preservation,
courage, and self-effacing acts of kindness. I embrace their young hearts in
lieu of their experience- I know I can make mistakes too. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I love my kids even if it means being stern and stubborn for
their own good. Every step I utilize has some benefit to my children even if
they don’t see through it or understand it initially. I stand my ground knowing
when they have their own kids, they will get it. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What I enjoy most about being a dad is developing their
dependence into independence. I mentor, respond, show through example, provide
through structure and consistent discipline. We explored together, learned
together. I did my best to bring the outside world to them through new experiences
and <a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/06/building-family-rituals-brings-love-and.html" target="_blank">family rituals</a>. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We touched on sports and academia, chased personal interests,
and explored our geographical surroundings and beyond to four corners of the
US. Regardless of the landscape, we
worked together as a team and learned something about ourselves in the process.
We are <a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/05/strengthening-your-children-in-eye-of.html" target="_blank">teachers and mentors</a>.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Without children who would we be? What man would exist where
we stand right now? Raising a child teaches us who we are and what defines us.
It helps us move beyond our limits and stand at the edge. You can take all the
personal achievements in the world strewn with awards, trophies, medals, career
promotions, peer accolades, and financial reward- I can vouch, nothing bests
the relationships and qualities you gain as a father.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p>For all the good ones, I raise my glass and I salute you. <i>Happy Fathers Day!</i></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><a href="https://plus.google.com/100564216820182910841" style="color: #33aaff; text-decoration: underline;"><img alt="My Photo" class="profile-img" src="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-WVVK082UFHA/AAAAAAAAAAI/AAAAAAAAFgw/vyIAE6TBTXg/s512-c/photo.jpg" height="80" style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; float: left; margin-bottom: 0.5em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0.75em; margin-top: 0px; position: relative;" width="80" /></a></span><br />
<dl class="profile-datablock" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0.5em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"></dl>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Bruce Buccio resides in Colorado, USA, with his beautiful new wife, is loving dad, Author of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-After-Divorce-Reaffirming-Relationships/dp/1483982327" rel="nofollow" style="color: #336699; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">"Parenting After Divorce: Rebuilding Your Life And Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter (2013),"</a> court appointed state child advocate and expert counseling families professionally in parenting, relationship, personal growth and life changes. Today, he writes primarily inspired by experiences raising his children as single dad, but also writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</span></span></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
© 2014 Bruce Buccio<div class="blogger-post-footer">Bruce Buccio resides in a small cozy town in Colorado with his beautiful and supportive wife, finds beauty in the small things, openness/ honesty, and is author of "Parenting After Divorce: Rebuilding Your Life And Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter (2013)." Bruce is a court appointed child advocate volunteering his mediation and counseling services to persons in need of parenting, relationship, personal growth and life changes. Today, he writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</div>The Authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08260211923179409941noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309124729707870328.post-36825758462913211812014-05-05T10:00:00.000-06:002014-05-06T11:05:24.590-06:00Single Parent Challenges on Mothers Day<div style="text-align: right;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbeBQCLSEmINoinYL4r3FZeHSHbASYlSGHgXa4ojiKXKP6U9VzpK5PKNz707UK3EKHx2Q4ACzeyhEKX6vxWr5Yyy_jYlckAMILAsk4Ciy20AHo7mz7li1Ne6TuItth5O0NAWtYJlBRcB4/s1600/mother_children_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="With Mothers Day approaching fast, and Fathers Day soon after, I know many single parents with absent spouses will be challenged on how or if to celebrate both. " border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbeBQCLSEmINoinYL4r3FZeHSHbASYlSGHgXa4ojiKXKP6U9VzpK5PKNz707UK3EKHx2Q4ACzeyhEKX6vxWr5Yyy_jYlckAMILAsk4Ciy20AHo7mz7li1Ne6TuItth5O0NAWtYJlBRcB4/s1600/mother_children_.jpg" height="266" title="Mother's Day for single and co-parents" width="400" /></a></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">With Mothers Day
approaching fast, and Fathers Day soon after, I know many single parents with
absent spouses will be challenged on how or if to celebrate both. With younger
children, should we even celebrate the other parent’s day? If the other parent
isn’t around or isn’t really participating, is there any question?</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">When in doubt, what do the
kids want? When my kids were young
they wanted to buy things for their mom and I would pay for it. I never received
or expected anything back from the other household in June. Somehow my kids came
through and would manage to pull something together whether it was from
school or some other small token. When the children are too young to understand
the delicate nature surrounding these kinds of holidays, it’s really more about
the children.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I’ve kept every Father's Day card, note, paper, or other gestures, mostly from their school days, placed away
in a chest. Every few years I come across that bundle and I look through it. I’m
betting they weren’t thinking, at the time of that painted handprint and “I
love you” or color construction paper tie, the number of times over it would be
enjoyed. It brings a smile to my face just thinking about it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">If we do it for the kids,
how do we approach it? If the other parent is absent from your child’s lives
you manage in the best way. Mother’s Day went unspoken in my household, though we
would still do a family barbeque or a road trip together into the Colorado
Mountains. I made sure this event didn’t go unnoticed. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Even if the other parent
isn’t involved, it’s still important for the children to recognize the positive
things on Mothers and Fathers Day. I’ve always encouraged my children to
communicate and reach out to their mom, regardless of what day of year. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Here are a few suggestions
for Mother’s Day regardless of your household status and gender role for this
important day. Check local events on the web for what’s active over the
weekend in your area:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<ol>
<li style="text-indent: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Road trip and
a Picnic</span></li>
<li style="text-indent: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Nearby festivals</span></li>
<li style="text-indent: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Amusement
Parks</span></li>
<li style="text-indent: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Dinner and Movie</span></li>
<li style="text-indent: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Botanic
Gardens</span></li>
<li style="text-indent: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Family
Barbecue</span></li>
<li style="text-indent: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">State Parks/
Nature walk</span></li>
</ol>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">By all means make a
weekend of it. I recommend anything, which brings light-hearted and easy fun to
make it a stress free day.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">If the other parent is
involved in your children’s lives, there’s a certain amount of respect I believe
we should give our co-parent. Even in dire situations between co-parents, it’s
really about the relationships between the kids and their mom. Give the appropriate time
for the kids regardless of what the divorce decree says.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">So what’s in a Mom? Here
is a short list of what I’ve learned:</span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #262626;"></span><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #262626;"><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">“…that
loves her child unconditionally to the end of time. She nurtures, cares,
teaches, reprimands (when needed), educates, and gives all the love in her
heart for her children.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #262626;"></span><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #262626;"><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">“I would say that a mother is that one person in your life that shows sensitivity,
friendship, understanding, shoulder to cry on…”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #262626;"></span><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #262626;"><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">“…she only
wants the best for you, and you never really realize it till you become grown.
she worries about you all the time, even when you didn’t know there was
anything for her to worry about.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #262626;"></span><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #262626;"><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">“When I
think of Mom I think of unending love, kindness, self sacrifice and hard work.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">“I do have
a 15 year old stepdaughter. Our relationship proves that you don’t have to give
birth to be a mother.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">“That will
always forgive and protect you even if that means putting their life before
your own. They should also do whatever they possibly can to guide you down the
right path, teach you and be a positive role model.”</span></div>
</div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">God bless all the fabulous
moms. <i>Happy Mothers Day!</i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><a href="https://plus.google.com/100564216820182910841" style="color: #33aaff; text-decoration: underline;"><img alt="My Photo" class="profile-img" src="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-WVVK082UFHA/AAAAAAAAAAI/AAAAAAAAFgw/vyIAE6TBTXg/s512-c/photo.jpg" height="80" style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; float: left; margin-bottom: 0.5em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0.75em; margin-top: 0px; position: relative;" width="80" /></a></span><br />
<dl class="profile-datablock" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0.5em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"></dl>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Bruce Buccio resides in Colorado, USA, with his beautiful new wife, is loving dad, Author of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-After-Divorce-Reaffirming-Relationships/dp/1483982327" rel="nofollow" style="color: #336699; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">"Parenting After Divorce: Rebuilding Your Life And Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter (2013),"</a> court appointed state child advocate and expert counseling families professionally in parenting, relationship, personal growth and life changes. Today, he writes primarily inspired by experiences raising his children as single dad, but also writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</span></span></div>
<br />
<br />
Photo courtesy "destinationdreamsanddogs.com"<br />
<br />
© 2014 Bruce Buccio<div class="blogger-post-footer">Bruce Buccio resides in a small cozy town in Colorado with his beautiful and supportive wife, finds beauty in the small things, openness/ honesty, and is author of "Parenting After Divorce: Rebuilding Your Life And Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter (2013)." Bruce is a court appointed child advocate volunteering his mediation and counseling services to persons in need of parenting, relationship, personal growth and life changes. Today, he writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</div>The Authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08260211923179409941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309124729707870328.post-39334810013860077612014-03-12T11:00:00.000-06:002014-03-24T09:46:31.957-06:008 Points That Will Change Your Life<div style="text-align: right;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoAZgEhKBXJi8V98YUr9lI_av_Ajj-YOOn6WpXEPxNiOCefkuJsJEl7m4X0iFJZ0XFu9KK2BT-bMP4nmKn0Y2jacE4ThB3yD36a0b-jp8jgcDGDSAAENGdZg9645F2khWehyphenhyphen9mLBiw9Os/s1600/happy-couples.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="Mostly what I walked away with during this period is that happiness is more derived from a correlation of strengths in your life and not an easily contrived step-by-step process. Happiness happens through dynamic experiences, a thirst for change, a life of learning, reaching for goals, and sharing with those you love." border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoAZgEhKBXJi8V98YUr9lI_av_Ajj-YOOn6WpXEPxNiOCefkuJsJEl7m4X0iFJZ0XFu9KK2BT-bMP4nmKn0Y2jacE4ThB3yD36a0b-jp8jgcDGDSAAENGdZg9645F2khWehyphenhyphen9mLBiw9Os/s1600/happy-couples.jpg" height="265" title="8 Points That Will Change Your Life" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 15.0pt;">When I originally developed this compilation over six years ago, I was already into the first of two years of my own personal search-I was in the midst of a two year sabbatical free from intimate relationships. This period in my life was initiated by the culmination of my minor children coming home fulltime and ending a yearlong relationship. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 15.0pt;">My children and I took advantage of our renewed time together-we grew through dynamic experiences and learned valuable lessons together. Through the process we developed stronger bonds, we learned together what is really important, and we discovered ourselves with each other. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 15.0pt;">During this period, I created time for introspection. My original vision of this sabbatical was for a year--it felt so good I took almost two. At a mere forty-four years old and 10 years removed from a divorce with my kids mom, I still had questions for myself: How did I get here? What have I accomplished? Where am I going? Finally hitting me, what do I really want?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 15.0pt;"><b>The main keys I discovered allowed me to incorporate more harmony and balance in my life. During this prosperous journey to uncover and unravel my personal challenges, I wrote the <i>“8 Keys to Finding Harmony and Balance”</i>. </b></span></blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 15.0pt;">I read many popular books over this time primarily on the subjects of Spirituality, Personal Growth, Love, and Inspiration. I reached for books that jumped off the shelf at me. My search brought me to investigate topics of Buddhism, the art of Zen, Religion and finally the rediscovery of my savior and lord, my Christ and Devine Father. Other subjects I read were Integrity and Truth, being a Man and therefore a better Father, and Love as a hypothesis and model. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 15.0pt;">I focused on my children, my career, and me in that order. In retrospect, I gained a feeling of life cleansing or detoxification if you will. The value in releasing relationship issues, eating healthier, finding time and merit in exercise, more downtime in reading and quality with my children allowed me the opportunity to reorganize and reprioritize. My career blossomed as a result.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 15.0pt;"><b>Mostly what I walked away with during this period is that happiness is more derived from a correlation of strengths in your life and not an easily contrived step-by-step process. Happiness happens through dynamic experiences, a thirst for change, a life of learning, reaching for goals, and sharing with those you love. </b></span></blockquote>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 15.0pt;">Sometimes when I hit a bump or two, I always return to the following 8 keys and believe in their capacity to make me feel better. These steps, when combined together, help me channel balance and harmony in my life. Synchronizing these items together will challenge, but as I’ve learned over the years it’s worth it.</span><br />
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 15.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 15.0pt;"><i><b><u>8 Keys To Finding Harmony and Balance</u></b></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<b><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times;">1. Be in the present </span></b><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times;">-Focus on the now, find clarity, witness your thoughts and clear your mind of the past and future; release your pains and fears.</span><b><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<b><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times;">2. Exercise Regularly </span></b><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times;">-Staying fit for the mind, body/ heart and soul is imperative.</span><b><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<b><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times;">3. Eat Healthy </span></b><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times;">-Satisfy the mind and body nutritiously.</span><b><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<b><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times;">4. Love and be loved </span></b><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times;">-… Family and closest friends as the core and extend out to your other brother and sisters.</span><b><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<b><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times;">5. Practice Openness </span></b><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times;">-Be honest with yourself and with others.</span><b><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<b><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times;">6. Do unto others… </span></b><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times;">-The Golden Rule: do unto others, as you would want them to do unto you. Treat your friends and foes with respect and responsibility. Reach out and smile.</span><b><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<b><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times;">7. Be Active </span></b><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times;">-Participate and get involved. Find purpose. Feed the soul.</span><b><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<b><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times;">8. Get the rest you need </span></b><span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times;">-For your daily needs and to elevate yourself to the top of this list again.</span></div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #262626; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 15.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #262626;">While balance is the stake and mortar in the ground, harmony is the connections or strong bonds, which bind them. Simply put, i</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #262626;">f balance is stability, then harmony is what embraces it. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #262626;">This list resonates within and I find its wealth in making me a more mindful, healthier, and better person.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 15.0pt;">In order to develop harmony, I formed strong bonds in my relationships with my children and others, improved my faith, got organized, reprioritized my life, and tied together all facets in my life. Examples of harmony are love, unity, agreement, faith, accomplishment, and good emotional health. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 15.0pt;">In order to create balance, I needed to build a firm base to stand on. I needed to find or develop stability. Examples of balance are sharing my life with a significant other or spouse and my children, chasing a dream, having an occupation, a good home, good physical health, family, and friends. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 15.0pt;">From my own personal experiences, this list will help you develop and bridge exhilaration and contentment in your life, the mere essence of happiness in my opinion. Join the ranks, who have incorporated and shared these 8 keys, and reach out to me today!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><a href="https://plus.google.com/100564216820182910841" style="color: #33aaff; text-decoration: underline;"><img alt="My Photo" class="profile-img" src="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-WVVK082UFHA/AAAAAAAAAAI/AAAAAAAAFgw/vyIAE6TBTXg/s512-c/photo.jpg" height="80" style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none; border-width: initial; float: left; margin-bottom: 0.5em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0.75em; margin-top: 0px; position: relative;" width="80" /></a></span> <br />
<dl class="profile-datablock" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0.5em; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"></dl>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Bruce Buccio resides in Colorado, USA, with his beautiful new wife, is loving dad, Author of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-After-Divorce-Reaffirming-Relationships/dp/1483982327" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">"Parenting After Divorce: Rebuilding Your Life And Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter (2013),"</a> court appointed state child advocate and expert counseling families professionally in parenting, relationship, personal growth and life changes. Today, he writes primarily inspired by experiences raising his children as single dad, but also writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Photo courtesy of "sheknows.com"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #262626; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 15.0pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">© 2014 Bruce Buccio </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment--><div class="blogger-post-footer">Bruce Buccio resides in a small cozy town in Colorado with his beautiful and supportive wife, finds beauty in the small things, openness/ honesty, and is author of "Parenting After Divorce: Rebuilding Your Life And Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter (2013)." Bruce is a court appointed child advocate volunteering his mediation and counseling services to persons in need of parenting, relationship, personal growth and life changes. Today, he writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</div>The Authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08260211923179409941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309124729707870328.post-19539803104374562652014-03-02T15:35:00.000-07:002014-03-06T10:02:02.482-07:008 Ways to Stop Yelling or Reprimanding<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2Pv8XUT862OxXp_-dvlB6mWpcqog6syggrnWP1MT1CxuUgg953Ckkx0yvZDtrruRtxHHR65zEmFKk32jaLK_1F-5s-XtRCwAyRMq-STHVg6Uc60m-2RPtS6jFhhwe-XV8j3akHUGYn14/s1600/Single+Parents+-+Children+and+Discipline.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt=" Mentoring your child starts when they can share dialogue with you and can ask good questions. You want this kind of dialogue with your child to start early; expressing your concerns calmly on the issue at hand in a language they understand. " border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2Pv8XUT862OxXp_-dvlB6mWpcqog6syggrnWP1MT1CxuUgg953Ckkx0yvZDtrruRtxHHR65zEmFKk32jaLK_1F-5s-XtRCwAyRMq-STHVg6Uc60m-2RPtS6jFhhwe-XV8j3akHUGYn14/s1600/Single+Parents+-+Children+and+Discipline.png" height="320" title="Never having to reprimand or yell at your children" width="188" /></a></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">How do you view and define discipline as a parent? Finding the right balance that works with your child is your prerogative, within reason of course. What would happen if you were to start reasoning with your child with rationale and good understanding of the issue as if you were ... <i>mentoring</i>.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">As a mentor, you may guide, advise, teach, and counsel others who may have less knowledge and understanding or experience such as your child. There are personal attributes which run hand in hand with mentoring, such as love, compassion, flexibility, and perhaps a lot of understanding. Mentoring your child starts when they can share dialogue with you and can ask good questions. You want this kind of dialogue with your child to start early; expressing your concerns calmly on the issue at hand in a language they understand. Here are eight identifiable ways to work through the issues without yelling or even reprimanding your children. With a consistent and confident approach, the results may just surprise you.</span><br />
<h4>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"In the process, you have shown you can respect your child when they are just trying to grow up; that you regard their shortcomings in lieu of their lack of experience."</span></blockquote>
</blockquote>
</h4>
<ol>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 18px;">Guide your child with your understanding and acknowledgement of the issue. Talk your way through. Advise them on better choices with healthier consequences. </span></span> </li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 18px;">You want to be their "mentor" always explaining, always pointing out positive ways and always working as a team. You want kind, respectful and bilateral dialogue in a<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;"> calm and natural setting always modeling your behavior in the manner you want mirrored. Be patient. If your child is testing you, stay your course and be confident.</span></span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 18px;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;">Make sure your loved one is clear on your concern by asking for clarity on the issue. Get their acknowledgement on the mistake, mishap, or bad decision. </span></span></span> </li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 18px;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;">Counsel your children on the importance of the issue and where there is virtue. In the end, you will have taught your child a valuable lesson that will keep them open-minded and listen the next time a situation arises. In the process, you have shown you can respect your child when they are just trying to grow up; that you regard their shortcomings in lieu of their lack of experience. Your wiser child is empowered with knowledge and perhaps regret, instead of feeling chastised or reprimanded. </span></span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 18px;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;">Your "actions" should reflect their actions are not appreciated and not cool. You may not see good results immediately but always walk away with confidence that your child is listening even if its not immediately apparent. </span></span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 18px;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;">Discipline should never result in your child feeling bad. Punishment or penalizing may not be wise if the result means your child is repeatedly not happy as a result or disagrees angrily stomping away. Something is wrong. You don’t want your child feeling bad, distressed, or even worse, humiliated. You want conclusions where both parties are in mutual understanding. If not, then more work is necessary. </span></span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 18px;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;">Take time more wisely to gain understanding and common ground on the issue together. Another tactic not to impose is the quick punishment (when no questions are asked and quick conclusions are drawn based on impressions or assumptions) which means someone is going to have to feel bad and that may be both of you if you cannot separate yourself from the grief you just inflicted. Someone is going to have to take time away because of the conflict, which just occurred; ultimately designating each other to understand the extent of the problem on their own. There is no long-term benefit to this. </span></span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 18px;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;">At a minimum, always allow your loved one to walk from the issue with understanding and clearly accepting their actions and subsequently your actions. Mentoring fosters trust and respect in your relationship instead of control, restraint, and consequently disorder. This enhances accountability and worth, in light of the issue, and this is an outcome you both can live with together.</span></span></span> </li>
</ol>
<div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyLS2JR1PNv09p3Tb4hXVT8b81_QR7jScapwjUDcWwXhgKm9q9pE9a_JIvz5r8soe2tXTr-U8pMOXcUq_eanaxE-w3aapNGaclEgfuD-TYYqtC7zR5LmWkuTHiyN2xYptejp3Olfv9QGw/s1600/single+parenting.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyLS2JR1PNv09p3Tb4hXVT8b81_QR7jScapwjUDcWwXhgKm9q9pE9a_JIvz5r8soe2tXTr-U8pMOXcUq_eanaxE-w3aapNGaclEgfuD-TYYqtC7zR5LmWkuTHiyN2xYptejp3Olfv9QGw/s1600/single+parenting.png" /></a></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;">Bruce Buccio resides in Colorado, USA, with his beautiful new wife, is loving dad, Author of <a href="http://www.brucebuccio.com/" target="_blank">"Parenting After Divorce: Rebuilding Your Life And Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter (2013),"</a> court appointed state child advocate and expert counseling families professionally in parenting, relationship, personal growth and life changes. Today, he writes primarily inspired by experiences raising his children as single dad, but also writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;">© 2014 Bruce Buccio</span></div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">Bruce Buccio resides in a small cozy town in Colorado with his beautiful and supportive wife, finds beauty in the small things, openness/ honesty, and is author of "Parenting After Divorce: Rebuilding Your Life And Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter (2013)." Bruce is a court appointed child advocate volunteering his mediation and counseling services to persons in need of parenting, relationship, personal growth and life changes. Today, he writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</div>The Authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08260211923179409941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309124729707870328.post-90432742750576899282014-02-14T09:29:00.002-07:002014-02-14T10:25:56.501-07:00Love Is About The Impossible<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqHnl5hS8WQ9ek0QPiQIzrRn8Lw8bQJWdcazvZ9E9h0abotztkDoop4x4NRb9HWHWWvKHCfiKD1kYBs1FEOVjKvO7CMXVfSpa9nr94ahfYNgMIjRfGR8Bmb18LY7VnDGIavqKDNpqfEpE/s1600/Laugh+Kissing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="St. Valentines Day. Love is a delicate and prophetic topic that centers us with the universe--pinpointing right to your very soul and heart where it’s glowing for comfort, validation, approval, compassion and satisfaction." border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqHnl5hS8WQ9ek0QPiQIzrRn8Lw8bQJWdcazvZ9E9h0abotztkDoop4x4NRb9HWHWWvKHCfiKD1kYBs1FEOVjKvO7CMXVfSpa9nr94ahfYNgMIjRfGR8Bmb18LY7VnDGIavqKDNpqfEpE/s1600/Laugh+Kissing.jpg" height="280" title="Valentines Day" width="320" /></a></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Love is a delicate and prophetic topic that centers us with the universe--pinpointing right to your very soul and heart where it’s glowing for comfort, validation, approval, compassion and satisfaction.</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;">Love is about the impossible. When love happens we hold this newness, investigate its power, and identify through its strength. Love feels, it knows, it binds. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;">Love comes in so many forms. We have our own meaning when it comes to love depending on whom we are relating. What we feel with our closest family and loved ones is the basis for what we find in our companion and partner. Love chooses us and it comes as a deviation when we least expect.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;">Love heals and feels and when least expected it finds you. Love doesn’t just happen- we allow it to ensue with affirmation, open heart, ready to embrace, culture, develop, and nurture always accepting with approval.</span><b><span style="font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span></b><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;">Some things don’t need words--when we are in, it never matters how, what, or why.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;">I grew through my own sought after understanding of love. I learned engagement on many levels along with dedication and closeness through experience builds and manifests into meaningful relationships. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;">I discovered and relied on these paramount ideas through and as a result of my childhood and parenting time with my children- eventually I would exercise my development in my own unique relationship growing with you, my newest love, my bride:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;">You are worth fighting for. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;">You are a part of me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;">You are threaded through my being; mind, body and soul. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;">When you feel I feel. When you hurt I hurt. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;">You are loving and supportive.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;">You have unique features and qualities others strive. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;">You bring to the table all of the attributes that make you what is unmistakably you. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;">You are no other and no one is you. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;">You bring to this earth a dimension that stands on its own. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;">You have gained through your life and experiences, both bad and good, your unique ability to identify with and care about others. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;">Our love is immeasurable—your love is vast, endless, immense, and untold. My heart swells with joy knowing you are in my life. I love you with all of my being.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;">From your Valentine,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Times; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;">Bruce<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Copyright © 2014 Bruce Buccio</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Bruce Buccio resides in a small cozy town in Colorado with his beautiful and supportive wife, finds beauty in the small things, openness/ honesty, and is author of "Parenting After Divorce: Rebuilding Your Life And Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter (2013)." Bruce is a court appointed child advocate volunteering his mediation and counseling services to persons in need of parenting, relationship, personal growth and life changes. Today, he writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</div>The Authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08260211923179409941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309124729707870328.post-88972391424346328452014-02-04T08:39:00.000-07:002014-02-04T11:00:49.572-07:00Sports is more than masculinity and competitiveness<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; line-height: 150%; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; line-height: 150%; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj7gilKrRkGONn13FiciO4m_u94nLphrtXHDgnFbnzu91sBlRX61MwqsQkKF1lkuGFIhG8qAdn260iZx-B_9wnwjlPlRr5MA8i-xm1FhCFjUcLum_gil6eGtDle66QKRWCjOcIV4ADCfo/s1600/Single+Parenting-+Olympian+3.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj7gilKrRkGONn13FiciO4m_u94nLphrtXHDgnFbnzu91sBlRX61MwqsQkKF1lkuGFIhG8qAdn260iZx-B_9wnwjlPlRr5MA8i-xm1FhCFjUcLum_gil6eGtDle66QKRWCjOcIV4ADCfo/s1600/Single+Parenting-+Olympian+3.png" height="200" width="174" /></a></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%;">
Even at the very lowest recreational level, sports can expose a child to social interaction influenced primarily by positive situations. Some not so positive issues in sports will confront your child, though if recognized and supported properly can help build character in your child. Exposure to sports at any level will open your child to issues which parallel life in general; these are the influences you want for your child to help prepare them for every day life. </div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 150%;">
<b>"Your children will learn to intermingle with diverse groups"</b></blockquote>
<div style="line-height: 150%;">
Sports foster additional relationships within the organization and preferably a bond with others such as the coaches, team players and their families. Your child will grow with new opportunities to model themselves, their behavior and character. He/She will share common goals with peers and begin to view himself/ herself with acceptance. They will learn and excel on different levels with their new sport. Your children will learn to intermingle with diverse groups. Once that seed of confidence is planted, your child will flourish. They will want to become better and better themselves. In addition to observing and understanding their role with others within the same age group, friendly competition within their team and against teams will enhance their growth and subsequently their confidence.</div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="line-height: 150%;">
<b>"A [great] coach is one who is ... vested in your child’s growth and development"</b></blockquote>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 150%;">
One fundamental difference for your child to stay interested in the sport, and perhaps with your patience as a parent, is a great coach. A coach is one who is not only knowledgeable in the sport, but also vested in your child’s growth and development. As a coach of boys and girls myself for many years, from the lowest recreational level to tournament/competitive level teams, I learned I could encourage and support any child by putting them in positions of success-even if it meant changing the game strategy.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b> "It’s up to your child to be thee best"</b><br />
<br />
Plenty of coaches have very good intentions. They may even be very social and friendly. You want a coach who will understand and be compassionate about your child’s needs in the sport-even teach them how to take risks to reach the next level. Eventually your child will reach or achieve club or competitive level sports. This will be a defining period on whether sports is still a priority and if being competitive without their coach’s compassion is a desire. Here, the coach will push your child to be <i>their</i> best. It’s up to your child to be <i>thee</i> best. A great coach will facilitate and support this development, but not hinder.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b>"...show your child how to manage...emotional curves..."</b></blockquote>
Your child in sports will be exposed to many ups and downs. It’s how you, as the parent, support and subsequently show your child how to manage these emotional curves, that will make the difference and create long-lasting benefits. Regardless of how successful your child is, at times: he/she may feel as though they are not good enough, their emotions will rise and fall with wins vs. losses, they may even be hard on themselves when the games outcome appears to rest on their shoulders, or he/she may want to quit due to adverse situations which will arise.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b>"....relay the message that giving up on themselves or even quitting will only cheat them in the end"</b></blockquote>
Help them weigh the situation objectively with facts and relay the message that giving up on themselves or even quitting will only cheat them in the end. Life is filled with <a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/01/parents-love-let-your-child-grow.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+blogspot%2FQVygu+%28Single+Parenting%29" target="_blank"><i>ups and downs</i></a>; the hidden message you provide is that by not giving up, your child will progress through good practical experience and lessons that will carry into their adult life. Sports are a great opportunity for your child to experience life-paralleling issues and therefore prepare them for life’s challenges ahead.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7QMn8S_0SlB_Rt3IbFvNlgaGCOhRfTL78x_X26WT7Waf02kF9P_XpnaQiq0NA6OPl96zNVW9mLw-XMg-vCwU8AJkjcmszSScrFKWTamBrBiusEERJvLcmoily7HkeMcfMc0cFNR_naHI/s1600/single+parenting.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; color: #992211; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7QMn8S_0SlB_Rt3IbFvNlgaGCOhRfTL78x_X26WT7Waf02kF9P_XpnaQiq0NA6OPl96zNVW9mLw-XMg-vCwU8AJkjcmszSScrFKWTamBrBiusEERJvLcmoily7HkeMcfMc0cFNR_naHI/s1600/single+parenting.png" style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; cursor: move; position: relative;" /></a></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Bruce Buccio resides in Colorado, USA, with his beautiful new wife, is loving dad, Author of <a href="http://www.brucebuccio.com/" target="_blank">"Parenting After Divorce: Rebuilding Your Life And Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter (2013)," </a>court appointed child advocate and expert helping families professionally in parenting, relationship, personal growth and life changes. Today, he writes primarily inspired by experiences raising his children as single dad, but also writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 150%;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
© 2014 Bruce Buccio<div class="blogger-post-footer">Bruce Buccio resides in a small cozy town in Colorado with his beautiful and supportive wife, finds beauty in the small things, openness/ honesty, and is author of "Parenting After Divorce: Rebuilding Your Life And Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter (2013)." Bruce is a court appointed child advocate volunteering his mediation and counseling services to persons in need of parenting, relationship, personal growth and life changes. Today, he writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</div>The Authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08260211923179409941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309124729707870328.post-16289158183343742712014-01-05T04:00:00.000-07:002014-01-18T15:44:31.625-07:00Finding Inspiration, Growth, Love and You When Your Marriage Falls Apart<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPl7SH82HOFpFYN2C2ahdVC7E-zGSPwmej9zWmDIpGq5vsc-bdLPvG1jzkllhXb9oGm_GV7Cv0OKM7_SrpH57-LTi__S31RFLsZuJrbZ-f77MheFhJDvrW_SVNVpDsr-EVC2ZU4kZwV3A/s1600/3D_Image_Parenting_After_Divorce_copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="Rebuilding Your Life and Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPl7SH82HOFpFYN2C2ahdVC7E-zGSPwmej9zWmDIpGq5vsc-bdLPvG1jzkllhXb9oGm_GV7Cv0OKM7_SrpH57-LTi__S31RFLsZuJrbZ-f77MheFhJDvrW_SVNVpDsr-EVC2ZU4kZwV3A/s400/3D_Image_Parenting_After_Divorce_copy.jpg" height="187" title="Bruce Buccio- Parenting After Divorce" width="320" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.792969); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px;">My new book is available and developed from my </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.792969); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px;">own personal experiences on </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.792969); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px;"><b>Parenting After Divorce</b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.792969); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px;">. This series of steps provides successful </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.792969); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px;"><i><b>concepts, strategies and philosophies</b></i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.792969); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px;"> that are also expressed in an optional supporting seminar program. The program walks you through four main phases of coping, rebounding and rebuilding from divorce with your children: Inception, Elaboration, Construction, and Transition. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.792969); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Start here, if you are in a rut or have challenges and you are seeking wiser strategies/ resolution with regard to single or co-parenting. This in essence is your program with comprehensive steps to become more knowledgeable on <b>creating a new niche in life</b> with your children! <br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />The following content reflects a compilation of what I learned and accomplished with my children. The <b>overwhelming benefit is the growth in my relationships.</b> Today, I share mutual understanding, trust, love, and respect with my children. <a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/p/seminar.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">It’s these points</a>, which got us there. My hope and wish is you'll buy, read, and develop/ share the same attributes and mutual feeling with your children as I do with mine. Share your review!<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Find my book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-After-Divorce-Reaffirming-Relationships/dp/1483982327/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1387568304&sr=1-1" target="_blank">here</a>! Have a wonderful day and thank you for being a loyal fan!<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Bruce</span><br />
PS If you are happily married, I support you 100%, but please share with your friends/ family who may benefit from having a resource such as this! Thank You!<br />
<br />
© 2014 Bruce Buccio<div class="blogger-post-footer">Bruce Buccio resides in a small cozy town in Colorado with his beautiful and supportive wife, finds beauty in the small things, openness/ honesty, and is author of "Parenting After Divorce: Rebuilding Your Life And Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter (2013)." Bruce is a court appointed child advocate volunteering his mediation and counseling services to persons in need of parenting, relationship, personal growth and life changes. Today, he writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</div>The Authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08260211923179409941noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309124729707870328.post-73130095885367943222013-09-15T23:16:00.000-06:002014-02-14T09:52:46.003-07:00Disciplining Today’s Techno Teen/Tween doesn’t include a Street Corner<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdwhHt00LdWsbvw2KLfKIKHSCN0tQIktA5kFCXz_CH2UtrPKYElV3YU4X-lvfm35aeFClfAoGED5LbxOJmPAdfGH2L_1lLk3z1D10mkXeZe7uDh3YUbNMJutqt-UVJMyAqZX-gurDRZhQ/s1600/watch_for_children_sign.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="Today’s tweener and teen techno student is swept into an online popularity contest via smart phones and a whole host of media mobile devices and applications. " border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdwhHt00LdWsbvw2KLfKIKHSCN0tQIktA5kFCXz_CH2UtrPKYElV3YU4X-lvfm35aeFClfAoGED5LbxOJmPAdfGH2L_1lLk3z1D10mkXeZe7uDh3YUbNMJutqt-UVJMyAqZX-gurDRZhQ/s400/watch_for_children_sign.jpg" height="200" title="Disciplining today’s techno teen/tween" width="200" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Today’s child is pulled into a world where we ourselves wouldn’t be comfortable at their age. We can’t compare our childhood with today’s child. Just think for a moment trying to keep up with online comparisons such as Facebook “friends” and “likes” while in junior high school. Today’s tweener and teen techno student is swept into an online popularity contest via smart phones and a whole host of media mobile devices and applications. Not to mention inherent challenges that come with an unpredictable environment such as cyber bullying among other senseless tactics- as parents our worst fear is a subsequent suicide from a defenseless and unwary adolescent.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Today’s topic is inspired by a recent national report on a parent who placed her 7<sup>th</sup> grader on a street corner with a sign apologizing for “twerking” at a school dance. </span><br />
<a name='more'></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">This new disciplining method is in the news more today and I’m learning is raising questions among behavioral specialists. The mother was justifiably embarrassed, but what’s the real issue here; disrespecting her mom, normal middle-schooler looking for attention, <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/14/miley-cyrus-wrecking-ball-no-1-billboard_n_3927126.html">Miley Cyrus?</a> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">We may be horrified at what our children are learning from pop idols via social media. Is it possible Miley Cyrus knows our children better than we do? By the latest pop idol’s twitter stats, it’s apparent where our kids’ interest migrates. Either way, we can’t control what’s on TV, online or our kid’s interests.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Today’s teens present new challenges to parents and its up to us to support their new independence and assertive behavior, regardless of new and imposing environments.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We don’t want to restrain or constrain their unique personality and ideologies though we do want to help with understanding personal image and what’s wrong from right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s up to us to bring awareness and find ways to support their development rather than hinder early outward expression. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">We all know what our parents would have done if as children we were to shake our booty at a school dance. You know, if they were to even find out- word of mouth was the only media source then. Finding appropriate disciplining methods may be challenging with today’s generation of teens, as you may be aware. If the whole world didn’t have access to our child’s twerking booty online maybe we wouldn’t care so much. So where do we go for support and understanding? The answers may surprise you.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Your child’s twerking isn’t the issue. Neither is Miley Cyrus. You want to help your child understand your feelings about the issue and that time and place is everything- that there are better ways to cooperate and co-mingle with friends while preserving image and reputation. Maybe save more delicate expression for closer inner circles of friends.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Today’s twerking is just another trend like sexting and tomorrow will bring another unforeseen dilemma. The Internet brings information overload that we ourselves have difficulty with keeping up. Today’s smart phone is a veritable driver’s license with access to a high-speed highway that is not forgiving and a single inexperienced act can lead to devastating consequences. You wouldn’t send your unsuspecting teen out on the highway alone. Today’s trends or tomorrow’s quick craze will always bring new challenges but the solution remains the same. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">These are practices and methods you want in your arsenal of support tools for your techno rookie:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Encouragement - through reasoning and rationalizing with your beloved about concerns you can achieve gain. Start with talking. <a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/01/single-parents-with-children-taking.html">Sit your child down and help them understand consequences</a>/ impacts of their actions with respectful communication. Your child may not appreciate sit-downs, but he/she may learn to understand you are in control of your actions. You are trying to help even if they can’t see it initially.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Engagement – you may not see it now, but your child is learning from your actions. What better way to reflect on your child than with engaging on a regular basis. Your frequent, keen and calm actions show you are in control and focused. Pull them in and increase their awareness of right from wrong. Your young ambitious tween/teen may not initially appreciate your levels or rate of engagement, but stay your course and have faith your child will grow and learn from your winning commitment.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Healthy Distractions – <a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/02/parents-sports-help-children-prepare.html">any level of sports and/or intellectual activities</a> are a sure fire way to keep your children involved in more traditional ways and away from obscure Internet challenges. Finding ways to develop your child’s strengths and unique abilities will support their needs in a positive and structured environment.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Age Appropriate – once a child enters middle school a whole different discipline platform emerges for parents. Threats of removing privileges, grounding, and ordering them to their room doesn’t support their needs, in my opinion. Further, these impulses only distract from the real issues and are only quick solutions. <a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/02/children-and-discipline-never-having-to.html">Quick impulsive actions or any discipline that is intended to be a last resort are not advisable</a> and usually say more about us. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Exceptional model – how we perceive ourselves will impact how our children perceive themselves. If we spend an abundance of time on the net, on our own cell phone apps, or in our own lives only encourages the same. Being in our kid’s lives and sharing positive experiences supports our child’s overall development and minimizes reason for discipline. In the contrary, developing our children through our own actions support the overall goals, objectives, and responsiveness we seek in our teens.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Love – never fails and this includes tough love too. Being vested in getting your child’s attention through the above listed items will have significant returns, obviously. Will your loved one run out and execute all your ideas and solutions? Probably not but that doesn’t mean they aren’t listening. Your attention counts for something. Stay your course. Ask really good pertinent intelligent questions when your loved one crosses the line. Always respect your child’s thoughts and ideas. You don’t have to agree, but respecting your child’s awareness to the issues is more important than anything right now. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">We can’t keep up with or compete with today’s media circus outlets nor do we want to. I work through technology challenges today with my kids who are influenced with a myriad of new Internet applications and mobile smart devices. What I find most effective is the importance of discussing online security features and image concerns. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I know its tough when your child is exploring and investigating outside of the norm, perhaps even beyond our own personal lines. Putting your child on a street corner with a sign is not the answer. Sure, it may appear effective but you may have planted a deeper seed in resentment, bitterness, and anger that’s not easily detected. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Further, we send a hidden message that says stay inside the box and that’s not what you want from typically inquisitive tweens/teens. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Traveling outside the lines is ok provided they are prepared for and can accept consequences. Our tweens and teens will test the lines and they will do things that are unacceptable. Bringing awareness and your individual attention utilizing the aforementioned tools is really what your adolescent wants even if that’s not immediately apparent to us.</span></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span> <br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7QMn8S_0SlB_Rt3IbFvNlgaGCOhRfTL78x_X26WT7Waf02kF9P_XpnaQiq0NA6OPl96zNVW9mLw-XMg-vCwU8AJkjcmszSScrFKWTamBrBiusEERJvLcmoily7HkeMcfMc0cFNR_naHI/s1600/single+parenting.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; color: #992211; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7QMn8S_0SlB_Rt3IbFvNlgaGCOhRfTL78x_X26WT7Waf02kF9P_XpnaQiq0NA6OPl96zNVW9mLw-XMg-vCwU8AJkjcmszSScrFKWTamBrBiusEERJvLcmoily7HkeMcfMc0cFNR_naHI/s1600/single+parenting.png" style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; cursor: move; position: relative;" /></a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; font-size: 15px;">Bruce Buccio resides in Colorado, USA, with his beautiful wife, is loving dad, Author of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-After-Divorce-Reaffirming-Relationships/dp/1483982327" target="_blank">"Parenting After Divorce: Rebuilding Your Life And Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter (2013),"</a> court appointed child advocate and expert helping families professionally in parenting, relationship, personal growth and life changes. Today, he writes primarily inspired by experiences raising his children as single dad, but also writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;">Copyright © 2013 Bruce Buccio</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Bruce Buccio resides in a small cozy town in Colorado with his beautiful and supportive wife, finds beauty in the small things, openness/ honesty, and is author of "Parenting After Divorce: Rebuilding Your Life And Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter (2013)." Bruce is a court appointed child advocate volunteering his mediation and counseling services to persons in need of parenting, relationship, personal growth and life changes. Today, he writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</div>The Authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08260211923179409941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309124729707870328.post-1714060051779829642013-08-21T08:37:00.001-06:002013-09-17T19:20:25.862-06:00Talking with Your Children about Divorce<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1tX5DulBL5fPQ9W3N2zyHBqPsQi6p7Y4jqVZ0k0aCg-bmQXDAWHTiUT7WSt9BttSUpPPM5TXa2tjouI7K62RkpYVwgwYqYHd0oQ7FAJEaxRKPlaGb1p05ZgIkibJj4GbMgtw9EBtR-2U/s1600/Single+Parenting-+Strengthen.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Speaking with your children together in advance about separation establishes a healthy pattern of communication with your children. Although what and how you say things varies by age, there are some central things that children always want to know." border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1tX5DulBL5fPQ9W3N2zyHBqPsQi6p7Y4jqVZ0k0aCg-bmQXDAWHTiUT7WSt9BttSUpPPM5TXa2tjouI7K62RkpYVwgwYqYHd0oQ7FAJEaxRKPlaGb1p05ZgIkibJj4GbMgtw9EBtR-2U/s320/Single+Parenting-+Strengthen.png" title="Talking with Your Children about Divorce" width="208" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
We can’t expect our children to derive answers on their own. Learning to understand your child’s world through listening to their questions, ideas and thoughts will be critical-steal the opportunity to show your children individually, ‘I’m vested in YOU, YOU are important, and I approve of YOU lovingly and with acceptance.’<br />
<br />
Speaking with your children together in advance about separation establishes a healthy pattern of communication with your children. Although what and how you say things varies by age, there are some central things that children always want to know. <br />
<br />
Talking with children about separation won't be pleasant to say the least. Children between ages 8-13 will challenge you and will be upset. Children older may have already seen it coming. This doesn’t mean they won’t be hurt but may suppress those <br />
<a name='more'></a>feelings and even share with others outside your family unit. Children younger will be the most unpredictable—their needs are to be safe, secure and with little or no conflict. An easy soft approach is best that helps understand primarily that a move is in the works. <br />
<br />
Here are ideas to help you plan your discussion<br />
<br />
• Place yourselves in an open environment with no obstructions between you and children<br />
• Identify facts, points about discussion prior to sitting with children<br />
• Gentle, concise and succinct points about an impending move <br />
• Respectful conversation with and towards other parent<br />
• Reassure nothing changes but the living arrangements<br />
• No details about separation or eventual divorce<br />
• Allow time for questions <br />
• Accept and expect anger, tears, fears, hugs and encourage conversation<br />
• Your ultimate goal is to help them feel secure and safe about future <br />
<br />
Here are topics that may pop up during your meeting<br />
<br />
• What happened that precipitated this decision<br />
• When will changes occur<br />
• Why you are making this decision <br />
• If the separation is going to lead to divorce <br />
• Where will they live—discussions on sharing homes and transitioning <br />
• If it is OK for them to continue loving each of you. <br />
• If you both will stop the conflict or fighting<br />
• How this will impact friends and their favorite sports or other activities.<br />
• Where one parent will be while they are with the other parent<br />
<br />
Four effective ways to communicate in the days following<br />
<br />
1) Make conscious decisions to answer all questions intelligently and patiently. Their questions may raise more questions in your mind, but that’s not as important as their own insight, awareness, and perspective on the issues. Further, I personally relate with each of my children differently and with individuality because they are mutually exclusive in their own right. Children have their own ways of comprehending things.<br />
<br />
2) Be there when they reach out. Keep an open rapport. If you have moved out, help them identify with your new position in their life. Single parenting or co-parenting presents unclear family dynamics initially. If my kids needed me, I wanted to be the one who raised my arms, palms wide open, to connect. Show you too can be there when needed.<br />
<br />
3) Communicate frequently. I found that my children gained confidence in us if I communicated our plans and events to them directly. I tried to remain consistent and predictable in my approach. If I was travelling, couldn’t easily be accessible to them, or wouldn’t be able to keep a planned date, I expressed that well in advance. If I was out of town, I called and spoke directly with my little one.<br />
<br />
4) Nothing else changes. Reassuring and reaffirming only your living arrangements change helps. Some children get keen ideas their mom and dad will reunite—especially if they see you both together often. You can still state you love and respect their mom or dad but just not the same way anymore. That it’s a very tough decision and it’s sad, but this very delicate and sensitive issue is only a small snag in a much bigger picture—your role and responsibilities don’t change. Things will eventually improve.<br />
<br />
Communicating effectively with your children during this significant time in your lives is critical. Working through the new persistent challenges may create displeasure, but identifying with our children’s issues is priority. Behavior changes are a sure sign your attention is required. Developing a new platform and understanding in your relationship will help them succeed. Their future depends on you.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7QMn8S_0SlB_Rt3IbFvNlgaGCOhRfTL78x_X26WT7Waf02kF9P_XpnaQiq0NA6OPl96zNVW9mLw-XMg-vCwU8AJkjcmszSScrFKWTamBrBiusEERJvLcmoily7HkeMcfMc0cFNR_naHI/s1600/single+parenting.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; color: #992211; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7QMn8S_0SlB_Rt3IbFvNlgaGCOhRfTL78x_X26WT7Waf02kF9P_XpnaQiq0NA6OPl96zNVW9mLw-XMg-vCwU8AJkjcmszSScrFKWTamBrBiusEERJvLcmoily7HkeMcfMc0cFNR_naHI/s1600/single+parenting.png" style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; cursor: move; position: relative;" /></a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Bruce Buccio resides in Colorado, USA, is a divorced single dad, Author of "<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-After-Divorce-Reaffirming-Relationships/dp/1483982327" target="_blank">Parenting After Divorce: Rebuilding Your Life And Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter (2013)</a>," court appointed child advocate and expert helping families professionally in parenting, family, relationship, personal growth and life changes. Today, he writes primarily inspired by experiences raising his children, but also writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Copyright © 2013 Bruce Buccio</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Bruce Buccio resides in a small cozy town in Colorado with his beautiful and supportive wife, finds beauty in the small things, openness/ honesty, and is author of "Parenting After Divorce: Rebuilding Your Life And Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter (2013)." Bruce is a court appointed child advocate volunteering his mediation and counseling services to persons in need of parenting, relationship, personal growth and life changes. Today, he writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</div>The Authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08260211923179409941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309124729707870328.post-37491527883601297262013-07-08T12:24:00.000-06:002014-02-14T09:54:23.219-07:00Be a Man’s Man in the Eyes of Divorce<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_H7sWNk-jX-upYPl41Ds8f7wUSSXsobZ5Jn0ucs1voVU-rzigyRBNiaZuv5F_n_S3IOzS_fccvEtb8mhGPF6MoN7umVSLMX-w6tsfx6I7gshavnC7rog0uLHYb8j4EE0AAN2v49KXwTM/s1600/Single+Parents-+dad+and+kids+on+beach.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Coming to grips with the truth - in most cases with challenges that are unforeseen or difficult to comprehend or come at the worst possible timing - only makes us stronger in the end." border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_H7sWNk-jX-upYPl41Ds8f7wUSSXsobZ5Jn0ucs1voVU-rzigyRBNiaZuv5F_n_S3IOzS_fccvEtb8mhGPF6MoN7umVSLMX-w6tsfx6I7gshavnC7rog0uLHYb8j4EE0AAN2v49KXwTM/s400/Single+Parents-+dad+and+kids+on+beach.png" height="211" title="Be a man's man in the eyes of divorce" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Going through divorce may present a few challenges. Do you think? It tests our stamina on so many levels that it makes one want to scream at the world- a mere mortal act with hopes of settling all issues at once in one testosterone induced yell. Most men I’m pretty sure have fantasized about themselves out in the middle of some obscure and open place where no one is witness. Some men have achieved this reality including me. Yes, sadly it’s true.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Coming to grips with the truth - in most cases with challenges that are unforeseen or difficult to comprehend or come at the worst possible timing - only makes us stronger in the end. </span><br />
<a name='more'></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Seeking and finding resolution in our hearts and minds, regardless of the problem, requires time, patience, and commitment, but also devotion, loyalty and faith. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Change is coming. We’ve all made mistakes and now is the time to leave the past behind. Be a model person and man in your own right. Bring attention to the good and moral and valuable for your children. Find harmony and balance in your new life and status. It’s about doing the right thing.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Release the pains and fears, move forward and develop the strength and stamina to be amazing and allow your children the opportunity to follow in your giant footsteps. After the bitterness wears off, it’s time to awaken and move on. When little ones are pulled into the crisis-in-making, laying aside our intensity and anger in lieu of our child’s new and very real predicament becomes the forefront of our focus. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Engaging and participating in their lives on a new level is the norm and not just about complaining about our own status.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s about finding answers to challenging questions that confront us. Then developing a foundation to a new family dynamic in a respectful manner.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s time to understand what’s really important in life because whatever it was before didn’t work. "Single Dom" presents life as it never was after divorce and children. It tests us to the brink of emotion, but what doesn’t break us, makes us stronger- also gentler because that’s what’s calling. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Stand up for what’s important in the eyes of your children. Stand for what you believe in. Be accountable for your actions. Accepting your roles and responsibilities as a dad, being the dad and not the mom if your kids have a mom. Do what’s best for your children first and respect others rights to do the same. Recognize others including your kids mom for her role and additional gifts she offers to your children- it doesn’t matter what happened in the past its about your kids now. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">It’s about the present, really. Your children benefit from being loved and loving both their parents, in an amiable way, even through divorce. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because after all, they don’t see things the same way you do. It’s about giving and sacrifice, you see. It’s about adding to the wealth of knowledge and not asking what’s in it for you. It’s about not listening to the naysayers, but rather believing in your self, taking and leading with responsibility. Finally, r</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">eflect your re-newed salvation on other men and hold them to a higher standard. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Going through divorce with children is challenging. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Go ahead yell and get it out on your own somewhere. Accept and embrace the truth and then move on. Skip past the drama and confront the issues respectfully and maturely in the eyes of your children. Find resolve in your heart and mind with time, patience, and commitment, but also devotion, loyalty and faith.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Welcome to your salvation.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Find this helpful? Share your personal resolve in one quick summary! Did you scream at the world?</span></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #555555;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7QMn8S_0SlB_Rt3IbFvNlgaGCOhRfTL78x_X26WT7Waf02kF9P_XpnaQiq0NA6OPl96zNVW9mLw-XMg-vCwU8AJkjcmszSScrFKWTamBrBiusEERJvLcmoily7HkeMcfMc0cFNR_naHI/s1600/single+parenting.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; color: #992211; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7QMn8S_0SlB_Rt3IbFvNlgaGCOhRfTL78x_X26WT7Waf02kF9P_XpnaQiq0NA6OPl96zNVW9mLw-XMg-vCwU8AJkjcmszSScrFKWTamBrBiusEERJvLcmoily7HkeMcfMc0cFNR_naHI/s1600/single+parenting.png" style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; cursor: move; position: relative;" /></a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Bruce Buccio resides in Colorado, USA, is a divorced single dad, rebuilding coach and Author of <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-After-Divorce-Reaffirming-Relationships/dp/1483982327/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1373306607&sr=1-1&keywords=bruce+buccio" target="_blank">"Parenting After Divorce: Rebuilding Your Life And Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter (2013),"</a></i> speaker, court appointed child advocate, mediator, and expert helping families professionally in parenting, family, relationship, personal growth and life changes. Today, he writes primarily inspired by experiences raising his children, but also writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Copyright © 2013 Bruce Buccio</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Bruce Buccio resides in a small cozy town in Colorado with his beautiful and supportive wife, finds beauty in the small things, openness/ honesty, and is author of "Parenting After Divorce: Rebuilding Your Life And Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter (2013)." Bruce is a court appointed child advocate volunteering his mediation and counseling services to persons in need of parenting, relationship, personal growth and life changes. Today, he writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</div>The Authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08260211923179409941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309124729707870328.post-40003243256081627002013-05-23T14:41:00.001-06:002014-02-14T09:53:54.946-07:00Struggling to Co-parent as a Team<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgonnSX8HAkpLxRQd-qFxaI0Hhyphenhyphenr7gOJEN3Kie8wRHW_K97LlSqpO3AQtdWWm-x5iYt9M60NmvEkruPQpnMQZWhurto-vXTMeXff7yt2EyOXXAUa5KXCxN1ibXsfwZekCIRn9UXp48PJPE/s1600/Single+parents-+happy+man.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgonnSX8HAkpLxRQd-qFxaI0Hhyphenhyphenr7gOJEN3Kie8wRHW_K97LlSqpO3AQtdWWm-x5iYt9M60NmvEkruPQpnMQZWhurto-vXTMeXff7yt2EyOXXAUa5KXCxN1ibXsfwZekCIRn9UXp48PJPE/s400/Single+parents-+happy+man.png" height="211" width="320" /></a></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I’m sure there are divorced parents who figure out a way over time to make it work for the kids. No one would argue it’s best to find a good working balance with your ex for the benefit of the children. These situations do exist, however divorce doesn’t exactly promote popular renewed relationships- ones in which the parents start to work together and find harmony after the fact. Divorce takes time for emotions to heal, adjusting to new roles, and parents to get over themselves.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">For the most common circumstances immediately after divorce, parents are just struggling to find themselves and learn new roles/responsibilities. For those who have been through divorce, either as an adult or child, it’s hard to imagine team parenting after the breakup. It's more beneficial for both parents to identify a reasonable and practical equilibrium where decisions are <i><b>not</b></i> </span><br />
<a name='more'></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">made to impact or affect the other household. Legal and physical custody issues aside, lets admit it’s a challenge right out of the gate and few find or work towards compromises.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">It’s fair to mention, unfortunately there’s more energy displaced from both parents positioning them selves in the newly formed and ever-changing relationship. Moving forward in life while coping and dealing with divorce affairs may bleed into issues around the children when we are just trying to console ourselves. How these types of concerns or issues play out can be influenced by how time with the children is split between the parents, in my opinion. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">If parenting time is divided more evenly week to week, then parents share the same dynamics and therefore the responsibilities with the children and both parents are expected to play out similar roles- tasks may be more evenly expressed in terms of regimented and structured activity in the home, etc. In these cases, team playing between parents is more accessible. However, I can also see how different issues present new challenges in this scenario.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">By virtue of a weekday/weekend-parenting dynamic, there are two different objectives at play here that don’t merge. It’s challenging to compare or expect one parent to empathize with the other in this scenario. Obviously it wouldn’t be wise for the "weekend" parent to spite the other parent by purposely unraveling the kid’s schedules, changing dietary habits (read junk food), or becoming the ubiquitous “Disney Parent” creating spoils that will be more contentious in the eyes of the "weekday" parent. Forming inconsistent habits has less benefit to the children and these types of actions create more harm in the long run if you think about it.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i style="background-color: #cccccc;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">By the way, alternating weekends only causes more problems with zero benefits altogether and I would not recommend <a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2013/03/coping-with-visitation-through.html#/" target="_blank">this parenting time dynamic</a> mainly for the sake of the children- the parent subjected to twice a month visitation only then becomes just that, a visitor. That’s not going to help anyone involved and especially the children. Not only does this dynamic </span></i><i style="background-color: #cccccc;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">promote the concerns immediately above, it </span></i><i style="background-color: #cccccc;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">severs relationships. </span></i></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Regardless of what parenting-time dynamics are in play, the ideal objective to reach for co-parents is forming respectful bonds in the eyes of the children. After all the kids most likely didn’t ask for the divorce. The closest you can get to this ideal the better for everyone. We don’t have to agree with one another, but we want our children to be happy and we should want them to be so, wherever they are, including the other parent’s home.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Post divorce parenting time dynamics aren’t complicated, but depending on which parenting time is agreed upon may make it challenging for the other. The weekday parent doesn't appreciate the "bad guy" label for keeping kids disciplined to structured tasks. On the other side of the coin, the weekend parent is paying for it in other ways. This parent has less time and misses their kids all week and then tries to make up for it on weekends. If spoils are incorporated and discipline is lacking or completely thrown out the window, then this will be counter-productive to the kid’s weekday schedule and may be viewed as spiteful no matter who is looking on. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Stay consistent on weekends in as many ways as possible, for example when it comes to dinner and bedtime, but this doesn’t mean there can’t be fun. It certainly doesn’t mean you can’t <i>maximize</i> your time with the children by travelling, exploring, developing rituals and bonding in ways that are meaningful. The weekday parent may have to be more creative for rituals and bonding, with less, based on daily requirements to keep the children on schedule. <i>Optimizing</i> vs. maximizing time is this parent’s key to developing what’s important with the children when it comes to enjoying and keeping quality time together. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">For the weekday parent, resentment will undoubtedly creep in with how the weekend parent doesn’t manage more similar regimented activities. Creating vast differences in discipline, eating habits, and sleeping habits, for example, doesn’t support the children in either case. More consistency in these areas supports your child’s healthy and emotional development. More, neither parent would want to facilitate an atmosphere that allows the children to manipulate the system and pit one parent off the other. As the weekend parent, respect the importance of keeping the kids on track during school time, daycare, homework, bath time, etc. Children take time to adjust between varying environments and even households.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Yes the one with more custody usually gets, in addition to a fulltime job, all the extra work that comes with getting kids to school, pickups, homework, etc. No one really gets “stuck” with any role if you think about it. Sifting through the challenges and finding bright spots and opportunity, whether its with optimizing or maximizing time with children, may just take a little nerve and creativity in addition to consistency, but the long-term benefits support the overall co-parenting team dynamic. Both parties should at least agree here.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">How do you approach co-parenting?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #555555; font-family: verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #555555; font-family: verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7QMn8S_0SlB_Rt3IbFvNlgaGCOhRfTL78x_X26WT7Waf02kF9P_XpnaQiq0NA6OPl96zNVW9mLw-XMg-vCwU8AJkjcmszSScrFKWTamBrBiusEERJvLcmoily7HkeMcfMc0cFNR_naHI/s1600/single+parenting.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; color: #992211; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7QMn8S_0SlB_Rt3IbFvNlgaGCOhRfTL78x_X26WT7Waf02kF9P_XpnaQiq0NA6OPl96zNVW9mLw-XMg-vCwU8AJkjcmszSScrFKWTamBrBiusEERJvLcmoily7HkeMcfMc0cFNR_naHI/s1600/single+parenting.png" style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; cursor: move; position: relative;" /></a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #555555; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 16px;"><b>Bruce Buccio resides in Colorado, USA, is a divorced single dad, rebuilding coach and Author of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-After-Divorce-Relationships-ebook/dp/B00COQ61IS/ref=sr_1_5?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1368404452&sr=1-5&keywords=parenting%20after%20divorce%20rebuilding&tag=authorapp-20" style="color: #2a9bc7; cursor: pointer; display: inline; text-decoration: none;">Parenting After Divorce: Rebuilding Your Life And Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter (2013)</a>, speaker, court appointed child advocate, mediator, and expert helping families professionally in parenting, family, relationship and life changes. Today, he writes primarily inspired by experiences raising his children, but also writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Copyright © 2013 Bruce Buccio</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Bruce Buccio resides in a small cozy town in Colorado with his beautiful and supportive wife, finds beauty in the small things, openness/ honesty, and is author of "Parenting After Divorce: Rebuilding Your Life And Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter (2013)." Bruce is a court appointed child advocate volunteering his mediation and counseling services to persons in need of parenting, relationship, personal growth and life changes. Today, he writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</div>The Authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08260211923179409941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309124729707870328.post-77588502599832654482013-05-13T12:32:00.000-06:002013-09-05T15:10:00.909-06:00Co-parenting with a Difficult Ex Effectively<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLaoxSyq9D6XDt3OPDDBYpEG5XGtmVCt-D4Jmb9PPK1ZWBVbgyPIgzws9eVChzh0I9NTRtBgrAXbQnreY38e8XnVy-pO-2LVlPTJqUqoRmGETFCdOqZyaUXvXoybVks0if5KIzdKu9Wgg/s1600/Single+Parents-+angry+couple.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Seven significant ways to effectively co-parent with a difficult ex:" border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLaoxSyq9D6XDt3OPDDBYpEG5XGtmVCt-D4Jmb9PPK1ZWBVbgyPIgzws9eVChzh0I9NTRtBgrAXbQnreY38e8XnVy-pO-2LVlPTJqUqoRmGETFCdOqZyaUXvXoybVks0if5KIzdKu9Wgg/s400/Single+Parents-+angry+couple.png" title="Co-parenting with a difficult ex spouse effectively" width="400" /></a></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Children who must face ongoing fighting and conflict between their parents while they also endure the changes prompted by their parents’ separation or divorce would struggle more with anxiety and depression. Moreover, children who cope with an absent parent as a result of divorce have more behavioral issues. Its best to find a working balance with your ex—provided they are not a menacing or damaging aspect to your child’s life.</span><br />
<br />
<div><h2 style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Here are ways to identify a difficult ex:</span></span></h2><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-bottom: 13pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"></div><ul style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">
<li><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">Opposes any decisions or suggestions you make</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">Actively diminish the influence you may have on parenting decisions by making important decisions without collaboration</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">Needs to constantly compete and win against you</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">Acts out defiantly against you by inappropriately using the children as a vice</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">Manipulates the children to love them more than you</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">Talks negatively about you in front of the children.</span></li>
</span></ul><h2 style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></h2><h2 style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Seven significant ways to effectively co-parent with a difficult ex:</span></span></h2><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; margin-bottom: 13pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">1. Know your boundaries.</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"> All communication with your ex should remain about your children. Set limits for how your ex responds to you during co-parenting, and how decisions are made for the children.</span></span><br />
<a name='more'></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; margin-bottom: 13pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">2. Enforce your boundaries. </span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">Stick to your comprehensive separation agreement, divorce decree, and parenting plan. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; margin-bottom: 13pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">3. Defer to Mediation or law counselor for uncompromising or legal related issues.</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; margin-bottom: 13pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">4. Document and use legal documentation. Learn and understand what is admissible in court.</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; margin-bottom: 13pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">5. Move on. You cannot and do not want to control the other parent and what is going on in other household. On the other hand, inspire.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; margin-bottom: 13pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">6. Inspire</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">. Be a positive role model and influence for your children through your own example. This will benefit your children more than engaging in competition with your ex spouse. This mindset is healthier and more effective than trying to figure out and counterbalance the type of parent your ex is being.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; margin-bottom: 13pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">7. Focus on the Children. Overall, you cannot bargain with someone who treats you like the enemy. When dealing with a difficult co-parent, the best interest of the children should stay the center of focus. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><h2 style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Four vital ways to manage emotions through a growing conflict:</span></span></h2><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; margin-bottom: 15pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">1. Find empathy. Whether you turn to therapy, family, friends, spiritual leaders, a combination of these, or something entirely different that helps you find your way, it is critical that you reach out and allow yourself to be supported during this adjusting period. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">2. Look for <span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">distress signs</span>. If you begin to notice some differences in behavior or emotion in yourself or your children (including a lack of emotional expression or withdrawal), somatic complaints (e.g., headaches, stomachaches, sleep difficulties), or other changes, it would be wise to reexamine the level of tension and conflict. <span style="color: #101010;">Rather than chalk it up to the divorce with hopes everyone will adjust and time will heal, re-engage your child—your spoken words are essential to keep your child caught up and involved. If it’s challenging to come up with the right questions and associated resolve, develop a new platform in your relationship. Find an outlook that will distract them- connecting in a new setting will help on their terms with hopes in time they will share their feelings openly on the matter.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">3. <span style="color: #0e0e0e;">Boost your esteem. </span><span style="color: #0e0e0e;">By being sympathetic and non-judgmental to not only yourself and others, you are able to avoid both harsh self-criticism and a potentially fragile self-enhancement. Showing self-compassion will help the most—a sort of antitoxin to the soul. Think about positive aspects: <span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Positive distractions</span> support nice memories and <span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Self-compassion</span> fosters kindness without evaluating or judging.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; margin-bottom: 15pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">4. <span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Recognize unresolved feelings</span>. If you are struggling or coping with any anxiety over the breakup or having new relationship issues, it is time to forge new strategies and concepts, where your children really become the primary focus. If you are focused instead on keeping score, denying your co-parent’s requests because you don’t want them to get their way, or caught up in regular arguments, go back to #1. <o:p></o:p></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"> For readers interested in learning more about children’s needs during this period, I recommend Gary Neuman’s “</span><i style="color: #333333;"><span style="color: #072851;">Sandcastles</span></i><span style="color: #072851;">”</span><span style="color: #072851;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;">book. Another resource is “</span><i style="color: #333333;"><span style="color: #072851;">Mom’s House, Dad’s House</span></i><span style="color: #072851;">”</span><span style="color: #072851;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;">by Isolina Ricci. This book has a supportive approach on the grown-up stuff moving through separation, divorce and effective co-parenting. Naturally, I would recommend my own book, </span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-After-Divorce-Relationships-ebook/dp/B00COQ61IS/ref=sr_1_5?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1368468443&sr=1-5&keywords=parenting+and+rebuilding+after+divorce" style="color: #333333;" target="_blank"><i>“Parenting After Divorce: Rebuilding Your Life and Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter.”</i></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"> I portray the strategies, philosophies and concepts that helped in my family’s success getting past the bumps and therefore the trials of divorce, while coping with an adversarial co-parent.</span><!--EndFragment--> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7QMn8S_0SlB_Rt3IbFvNlgaGCOhRfTL78x_X26WT7Waf02kF9P_XpnaQiq0NA6OPl96zNVW9mLw-XMg-vCwU8AJkjcmszSScrFKWTamBrBiusEERJvLcmoily7HkeMcfMc0cFNR_naHI/s1600/single+parenting.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; color: #992211; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7QMn8S_0SlB_Rt3IbFvNlgaGCOhRfTL78x_X26WT7Waf02kF9P_XpnaQiq0NA6OPl96zNVW9mLw-XMg-vCwU8AJkjcmszSScrFKWTamBrBiusEERJvLcmoily7HkeMcfMc0cFNR_naHI/s1600/single+parenting.png" style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; position: relative;" /></a></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 14px;"><b>Bruce Buccio resides in Colorado, USA, is Single Dad, Rebuilding Coach and Expert, Mediator, and Author. Today, he writes primarily inspired by experiences raising his children, but also writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Copyright © 2013 Bruce Buccio</span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">Bruce Buccio resides in a small cozy town in Colorado with his beautiful and supportive wife, finds beauty in the small things, openness/ honesty, and is author of "Parenting After Divorce: Rebuilding Your Life And Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter (2013)." Bruce is a court appointed child advocate volunteering his mediation and counseling services to persons in need of parenting, relationship, personal growth and life changes. Today, he writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</div>The Authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08260211923179409941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309124729707870328.post-2591799839212391182013-03-13T11:08:00.000-06:002013-09-05T15:17:04.271-06:00Coping with Visitation Through a Separation/ Divorce Agreement<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsWmoFUU0zxVGo9B9EsiY0iRlVt9lu4MiJNVNVbl3KcMlzLjT7oTbX9g4Jse9LPrqkFUpHaaMnBunGRw-RYFSXO46EnvyadqN8rJDuZ85kTeBKBixd8Q-56s6OTzGd4bk5AXWNtnQFLMQ/s1600/book+pic+Birthday+2010.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="My own observations, from experience and history, are parents cannot be a measurable difference in a child’s life when connecting only twice a month." border="0" height="307" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsWmoFUU0zxVGo9B9EsiY0iRlVt9lu4MiJNVNVbl3KcMlzLjT7oTbX9g4Jse9LPrqkFUpHaaMnBunGRw-RYFSXO46EnvyadqN8rJDuZ85kTeBKBixd8Q-56s6OTzGd4bk5AXWNtnQFLMQ/s400/book+pic+Birthday+2010.jpg" title="Coping With Visitation Through Divorce" width="400" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;">My adult children l-r: Cassie, Therese, Sammy, and Valerie</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #262626;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">When divorce becomes reality, parents are faced with numerous unexpected challenges. Splitting apart a family into separate households tests our stamina--only to learn later the real ordeal begins.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">One thing I hear more often with recently, adjusting, single dads is visitation rights every other weekend. As soon as I hear, "...visitation every two weeks…," I cringe. This will only create conflict in the hearts of men and their children.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">My own observations, from experience and history, are parents cannot be a measurable difference in a child’s life when connecting only twice a month. In fact, you want shared custody as even and equal to your partner as possible. This will make a considerable difference in your lives together immediately. <o:p></o:p></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 20px;">Having a father in the picture changes the outlook and life of a child. Children who have two participating parents and active father have fewer behavioral problems whether the parents are together or not.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Second, there is no room for flexibility. It sounds counter </span></span><br />
<a name='more'></a><span style="color: #262626;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">productive though it's really the best practice in the long run. What I am referring to is with schedules after the agreement. Set the tone right away by executing parameters exactly as specified in the separation agreement, parenting-plan, or decree.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">This period is already often very confusing for every one involved and, not surprisingly, it will be especially more difficult on children. Still, it’s always best to create structure in your home right away. Develop your schedule at home so that your time becomes a workable and predictable asset in your child's eyes.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Third, I would also suggest remaining within gender roles—we can never make up for the other parent, i.e. mothering the child if you are the dad. If our stance is weakened on gender roles, disciplining, being in charge, we further facilitate a disintegrating situation. Consider how this position would play out while still married- it doesn’t work.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Our children want to see us as the person they are familiar-- nothing less, nothing more. Help them feel safe by acting as natural as possible. Most importantly, be confident in everything you do with your little one. As expected, it can be tough adjusting to new co-parenting roles. Pull in your family and friends for additional, supporting, roles with your loved ones.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Fourth, I personally believe the more our children can see and feel consistency the better. Try and mitigate some of the more subtle issues up front by expressing and showing only the living arrangements change. Some things will be new. Work together as a team at home and beyond--provide opportunity for your children to shine through empowerment and age appropriate decision-making. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Fifth, plan time with your children in advance. Until your child becomes comfortable with new schedules and household status, share those plans in advance. During those times, steal the opportunity to understand your child’s world and what he/she is coping without asking. Work through your relationship with fun events that won’t require judgment or discipline—show them you are committed and vested in your new relationship by being a reliable and dependable resource in their lives.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Finally, learn to understand and become knowledgeable about Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS). Also known as PA, most are quick to jump to conclusions about the other co-parents role on this matter. Don’t do this! There are in fact two sides to this coin and hence the “syndrome” aspect of what could become a debilitating condition. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">One side may be your co-parent is flagrant about manipulating your child against you. However the other side of this delicate matter is your co-parent may not be aware your child is picking up on some very emotional feelings regarding the marital split—your child may be acting out mainly because of their conflicted feelings.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">For me personally, my youngest was only two at the time when her mom and I separated. Accepting my child physically from her mother’s arms was hard. My ex wasn’t handling the transitions very well. Chances are my little girl was instinctively picking up on her mom’s feelings. As a result I worked hard to support and provide reassurance to my little girl while she was in my care.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The perplexing part of this syndrome is typically the lack of understanding from both parties. Survival skills are employed—new co-parents don’t like to be alone, become overprotective, start sleeping with the child, or begin behavior that cites nonverbal cues to the child such as, “I’m completely dependent on you and please don’t leave me!”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Mothers may find it hard to digest one day she will lose her only boy to the father. It’s only natural that eventually boys will want to migrate to their dads once they start asserting themselves near middle school or even earlier. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #262626; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">In this case, help the mom feel confident in understanding no one is taking the children away and they need their mother—You’re in it together for the long haul.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The other side of PAS, unfortunately, is more deliberate in nature when your co-parent just wants you gone or out of the equation. Don’t worry; you can still develop a course of action for your relationship with your children.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">For more severe PAS, the alienated parent may be inclined to throw in the white towel and the child may grow up never really understanding the depth of the issue. I suggest hanging in there, as I did, since those concerns may die down after both parties adjust. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">For me, my hidden message was a consistent, “I’m not going anywhere.” I followed the divorce decree always maintaining my kids as a priority. I didn’t concern myself with words or actions from the other camp. Further, I portrayed my new role as someone who only wanted to be in my kids’ lives—to provide my children a father who loves them. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">PAS is a delicate issue which may take several turns and potentially against you if you are not careful! If after moving your schedules more evenly and allowing for a period of adjustment, there are still concerns-- here are 5 legal points that should be a larger consideration: <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #262626;">1) Hire a forensic psychologist and </span>mental health professional to be able to identify that PAS is occurring. Most forensic evaluators such as psychiatrists and clinical psychologists have studied the disorder and are able to recognize it when we may not.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #262626;">2) </span>Keep a diary or journal of key events describing what happened and when. Document the alienation with evidence that is admissible in court. For example, always call and show up for pickups, even if you know the children won't be there. Then document you tried for when the alienator alleges you have no interest in the child.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none; text-indent: 1.0pt;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">3) Never openly talk about the legal case. Always take the high road and never talk badly about the other parent. Never show court orders or other sensitive documents. Shield the children from inappropriate conversations on the telephone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none; text-indent: 1.0pt;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">4) Don’t violate court orders. Pay child support on time and prove you live within the letter of the law. Be truly decent and principled in the eyes of the children.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">5) Hire a skilled family lawyer with PAS.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">No matter how challenging it may seem or how conflicted your child, I personally guarantee he/she will eventually appreciate your efforts to stay in their life. Share patience with a court system that may potentially be untrained to understand PAS. More help can be found in my book, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><a href="http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/brucebuccio" target="_blank">Parenting After Divorce- Rebuilding Your Life and Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter</a>—</i>this recently published manuscript provides the concepts, strategies, and philosophies to help not only support coping and rebuilding through conflict, but while sustaining a path that wins over your children.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7QMn8S_0SlB_Rt3IbFvNlgaGCOhRfTL78x_X26WT7Waf02kF9P_XpnaQiq0NA6OPl96zNVW9mLw-XMg-vCwU8AJkjcmszSScrFKWTamBrBiusEERJvLcmoily7HkeMcfMc0cFNR_naHI/s1600/single+parenting.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; color: #992211; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7QMn8S_0SlB_Rt3IbFvNlgaGCOhRfTL78x_X26WT7Waf02kF9P_XpnaQiq0NA6OPl96zNVW9mLw-XMg-vCwU8AJkjcmszSScrFKWTamBrBiusEERJvLcmoily7HkeMcfMc0cFNR_naHI/s1600/single+parenting.png" style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; position: relative;" /></a></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #555555; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 16px;">Bruce Buccio resides in Colorado, USA, is a divorced single dad, court appointed child advocate, and expert supporting families professionally in parenting, family, relations, personal growth and life changes. Today, he writes primarily inspired by experiences raising his children, but also writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div>
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #262626; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;">Copyright © 2013 Bruce Buccio</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Bruce Buccio resides in a small cozy town in Colorado with his beautiful and supportive wife, finds beauty in the small things, openness/ honesty, and is author of "Parenting After Divorce: Rebuilding Your Life And Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter (2013)." Bruce is a court appointed child advocate volunteering his mediation and counseling services to persons in need of parenting, relationship, personal growth and life changes. Today, he writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</div>The Authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08260211923179409941noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309124729707870328.post-31081084583957452512013-01-23T14:59:00.000-07:002013-02-13T14:21:47.938-07:00Stick With What Works<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:OfficeDocumentSettings> <o:AllowPNG/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing> <w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing> <w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery> <w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/> <w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/> </w:Compatibility> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--> <!--[if gte mso 10]> <style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style> <![endif]--> <!--StartFragment--> <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6hKsrxpT7Np4fkT1ErmZALsyFxDT2z9YfO-99TAd3I5Xwi6QB0WuaZFYukqCLVByFmjkA04UWMtjEzswOZ8h3i1WK215JU5KHrd6YZG56zTbn5JuKMktmLuPzDf6fr-73ZylFWg_UW1Q/s1600/Single+Parents-+Marriage+split+tab.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><img alt="12 Step Awareness Program that helps move through divorce successfully with children. This current published series and collateral seminar program is based on successful concepts, strategies and philosophies from my new book, Success With Your Children In Divorce (2013)" border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6hKsrxpT7Np4fkT1ErmZALsyFxDT2z9YfO-99TAd3I5Xwi6QB0WuaZFYukqCLVByFmjkA04UWMtjEzswOZ8h3i1WK215JU5KHrd6YZG56zTbn5JuKMktmLuPzDf6fr-73ZylFWg_UW1Q/s400/Single+Parents-+Marriage+split+tab.png" title="Stick With What Works In Divorce" width="400" /></span></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #262626;"><span style="color: #0b0b0b;">This article is the twelfth and final segment to a </span><b><span style="color: #262626;"><a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/p/seminar.html">12 Step Awareness Program that helps move through divorce successfully with children.</a></span></b><b><span style="color: #262626;"> </span></b><span style="color: #262626;">This currently published series and collateral seminar program is based on successful concepts, strategies and philosophies from my new book, <i>Success With Your Children In Divorce (2013). </i></span></span><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:OfficeDocumentSettings> <o:AllowPNG/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing> <w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing> <w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery> <w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/> <w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/> </w:Compatibility> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style> <![endif]--><!--StartFragment--><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 20px;"><span style="color: #0b0b0b;">The eleventh or last segment, “</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 20px;"><span style="color: #101010;"><a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2013/01/staying-positive.html" target="_blank">Staying Positive</a>”, </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 20px;"><span style="color: #1d1d1d;">supported </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 20px;"><span style="color: #141414;">looking inward for insightful personal change and ownership, but while</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 20px;"><span style="color: #262626;"> not judging yourself</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 20px;"><span style="color: #0e0e0e;">. </span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #141414; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #141414; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">By this stage in your development process, you’ve grown through separation and divorce and created new stronger family dynamics with your children. Through this process, my hope is you’ve been taking notes, running closely with the highlighted points, and building from what feels comfortable for you and your children. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="color: #262626;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #262626;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="color: #262626;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #262626;">Identifying with all segments here help with understanding to trust your gifts and sustaining a path that wins over your children. Single and co-parenting can be a challenging effort initially when we depart from</span></span><br />
<a name='more'></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #262626;"> our spouse. In fact i</span><span style="color: #141414;">t’s overwhelming!</span><span style="color: #262626;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #101010; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Keep it simple. Make it positive. Don’t lose track of what gains you’ve reached with your kids to date. Do your thing the way you are comfortable while finding your way and creating a new niche for you and your kids.</span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #262626;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #262626;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #262626;">Working together with your co-parent and openly communicating is ideal naturally. Consistently striving to find a balance that works with your ex will serve dividends. If your relationship is adversarial, you could reach new heights from experiences discovered in this program. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">If your ex partner is absent in your kids lives, a whole set of different challenges are present. This series of steps within will help break new ground for you and your child.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #262626;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #262626;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #141414;">Here’s a small slice of the program and what we’ve learned from current segments beginning to end:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #262626;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #262626;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #141414;">1. </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #101010;">Preparing for a life change</span></b><span style="color: #101010;"> <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">may mean just becoming aware</b> and accepting change is necessary. </span><span style="color: #141414;">Nothing quite prepares us for separation and divorce, but it’s best to do with integrity and dignity. </span><span style="color: #101010;">Having options in my life is what’s important now. </span><span style="color: #141414;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #262626;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #262626;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #141414;">2. </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #262626;">Congratulations, it’s your new beginning.</span></b><span style="color: #262626;"> Transitioning in divorce with children won't be easy. You may not realize or see it now but you will grow from this and you will be happier than ever. It will take time. I'm sorry, its over, start your new life now.</span><span style="color: #141414;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #262626;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #262626;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #141414;">3. </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #101010;">The kids are acclimating to their new living arrangements.</span></b><span style="color: #101010;"> You don’t know what tomorrow brings, but you managed to get through another day. Now what? </span><span style="color: #141414;">You’re in a new place now with your new life and new heart- creating new habits, practices, and disciplines is your new norm.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #262626;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #262626;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #141414;">4. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Build deeper bonds merely from the additional individual closeness and time together</b>. Don’t let your kids get lost in the shuffle. </span><span style="color: #101010;">By integrating into your kid’s interests and therefore their lives, a hidden message is provided.</span><span style="color: #141414;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #262626;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #262626;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #101010;">5. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Greatest benefit for both you and your children is to mitigate</b> a lot of the issues up front. </span><span style="color: #141414;">Defuse immature tactics with your warm persona, hugs, kisses, and smile with your children. </span><a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/02/children-of-divorce-your-child-loves.html"><span style="color: #7b2115; text-decoration: none;">Healthier solutions exist</span></a><span style="color: #101010;"> when you are overwhelmed with the lack of understanding or care in the other home.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #262626;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #262626;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #141414;">6. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Keep your eyes on the horizon toward your new goals</b> and destination. </span><span style="color: #0e0e0e;">Re-prioritizing and organizing your life for your future is what’s important now. </span><span style="color: #141414;">Play out your new life designed to benefit your children and you. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #262626;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #262626;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #141414;">7. </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #161616;">There are two significant areas we can help our children cope</span></b><span style="color: #161616;"> and mitigate stress after the divorce or separation—by building structure </span><span style="color: #141414;">(a framework of consistency and predictability) </span><span style="color: #161616;">into their lives and by minimizing change, </span><span style="color: #1d1d1d;">we develop an understanding together.</span><span style="color: #262626;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #262626;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #262626;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #141414;">8. </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #111111;">Developing rituals allows us to build upon what we have</span></b><span style="color: #111111;"> with an improved way of life.</span><span style="color: #1d1d1d;"> </span><span style="color: #161616;">These types of customs </span><span style="color: #1d1d1d;">reinforce our family bonds with the message we are going to be ok. Rituals are healthy distractions that serve to promote family without the need to pass judgment or discipline. </span><span style="color: #262626;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #262626;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #262626;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #141414;">9. </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0e0e0e;">Communicating effectively with your children is critical.</span></b><span style="color: #111111;"> </span><span style="color: #101010;">Working through the new persistent challenges that divorce presents in our after-married-life may create displeasure, but identifying with our children’s issues is priority. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #262626;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #262626;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #141414;">10. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Opportunity doesn't stop because of divorce.</b> </span><span style="color: #0e0e0e;">It may bring fears and pains, though don’t let that project onto your kids. Your kids have so much more to learn from how you accept change and define your life as you move forward to a brighter, deeper, future together.</span><span style="color: #262626;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #262626;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #262626;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #141414;">11. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Staying positive through your transition means looking inward</b> for insightful personal change and ownership. </span><span style="color: #262626;">You will know when you are whole and complete again. It might not happen today or tomorrow, but you’ll feel it eventually if you employ the tricks and tips found within this program. </span><span style="color: #262626;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #262626;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #262626;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #262626;">12. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Learn to trust your gifts and sustain a path that wins</b> over you and your children. Looking back now, you’ve learned these steps support your objectives to become a bigger healthier person. How do you sustain this path? </span><span style="color: #141414;">Take what you offer most to your family and build on it with what you’ve cultured here.</span><span style="color: #262626;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #262626;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #262626;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #141414;">By completing this program you will have accomplished a defining moment in your life as you seek success to a healthier new family. Utilizing the steps in this <a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/p/seminar.html">12 Step Awareness Program</a> will facilitate and lead to a better lifestyle for you while promoting a prosperous life for your child’s future.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #141414;"><br />
</span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #141414; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">If you feel success with your new family, then provide the same benefit to your kid's other parent by distributing this program information. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #141414; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Everyone involved, including grandparents and co-parents, can gain from this experience by being on the same page--the children benefit </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #141414; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">from all relationships in their life with the wealth of knowledge learned here.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #262626;">
</div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #262626;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #141414;"><br />
</span> <span style="color: #141414;">It’s in my greatest confidence and pleasure to help you lift an enormous weight off your shoulders while achieving these steps. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">
</span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #262626;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">
</span>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #262626;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #141414;">Genuinely and Respectfully,<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #262626;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #262626;">
<span style="color: #141414;">Bruce<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #262626;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #262626;">
<span style="color: #262626;">P.S.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #262626;">
<span style="color: #262626;">Available in eBook formats. Look for Dates/ Times for this 12 Step Awareness Program. Speaking Engagements and Webinars available upon request.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment--></span><br />
<!--EndFragment--><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7QMn8S_0SlB_Rt3IbFvNlgaGCOhRfTL78x_X26WT7Waf02kF9P_XpnaQiq0NA6OPl96zNVW9mLw-XMg-vCwU8AJkjcmszSScrFKWTamBrBiusEERJvLcmoily7HkeMcfMc0cFNR_naHI/s1600/single+parenting.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; color: #992211; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7QMn8S_0SlB_Rt3IbFvNlgaGCOhRfTL78x_X26WT7Waf02kF9P_XpnaQiq0NA6OPl96zNVW9mLw-XMg-vCwU8AJkjcmszSScrFKWTamBrBiusEERJvLcmoily7HkeMcfMc0cFNR_naHI/s1600/single+parenting.png" style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; cursor: move; position: relative;" /></a></span></span></span></span><br />
<h4 style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; position: relative;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-weight: normal; line-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Bruce Buccio resides in Colorado, USA, is a Rebuilding Coach and Expert and published Author. Today, he writes primarily inspired by experiences raising his children, but also writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></h4>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-weight: normal; line-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">© 2013 Bruce Buccio</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Bruce Buccio resides in a small cozy town in Colorado with his beautiful and supportive wife, finds beauty in the small things, openness/ honesty, and is author of "Parenting After Divorce: Rebuilding Your Life And Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter (2013)." Bruce is a court appointed child advocate volunteering his mediation and counseling services to persons in need of parenting, relationship, personal growth and life changes. Today, he writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</div>The Authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08260211923179409941noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309124729707870328.post-66789806680596290592013-01-17T15:59:00.001-07:002013-01-28T17:00:59.598-07:00Staying Positive<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>
<w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>
<w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
</w:Compatibility>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276">
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhd7QNcKAaRPwlYEk4M3YUIDRb2EciVCo3NkklTgNFUbVOovrA9aMp6GA_foap4tWvSUaZWCHljrtIQbnduA2XOT0Y3gNwyBE7VPKQqvjrg1mxymfD2VIWh_hTy2uktOvnRZJbx1xYnICk/s1600/Single+Parents+-+stay+positive.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="This is a pivotal time in your life. Times like these are defining moments for you. Staying positive after splitting up your marriage and family is a work in progress. It’s a big leap leaving a spouse, but even bigger with children. It may be the single most critical decision you will make in your lifetime, though one which may have the largest lasting positive impact depending on how you handle and adjust." border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhd7QNcKAaRPwlYEk4M3YUIDRb2EciVCo3NkklTgNFUbVOovrA9aMp6GA_foap4tWvSUaZWCHljrtIQbnduA2XOT0Y3gNwyBE7VPKQqvjrg1mxymfD2VIWh_hTy2uktOvnRZJbx1xYnICk/s400/Single+Parents+-+stay+positive.png" title="“Staying Positive”, supports looking inward for insightful personal change and ownership, but while not judging yourself. " width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #0b0b0b;">This article is the eleventh segment
in a twelve part series I developed for maximizing success after divorce called, </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/09/my-12-point-ladder-to-successful.html"><span style="color: #a5453f; text-decoration: none;">“My 12 Point Ladder To
Successful Divorce Transition With Children.”</span></a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #0b0b0b;"> The tenth
or last segment published, </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #262626;">“</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2013/01/teach-your-children-well.html"><span style="color: #7b2115; text-decoration: none;">Teach Your Children
Well</span></a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #262626;">”</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #0b0b0b;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #461a13;">helped with </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #0e0e0e;">showing your children
opportunity doesn’t stop because of divorce</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #0c0c0c;">.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #0b0b0b;">This segment, “</span><span style="color: #101010;">Staying Positive”, </span><span style="color: #1d1d1d;">supports </span><span style="color: #141414;">looking inward for insightful personal change and ownership, but
while</span><span style="color: #262626;"> not judging yourself</span><span style="color: #0e0e0e;">. </span>What I might hear from
clients today is how challenging it is to move forward, <i>a la "…. Feet stuck in cement.
No motivation. Don’t know what their future holds. No confidence. Just going
through the motions."</i><span style="color: #101010;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Family and friends may reach
out to support you through the initial tough times or immediately after the</span><br />
<a name='more'></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">
separation. Eventually you’ll have to tough it out on your own. We can’t expect
nor would we want sympathy and help from others forever. Here and there during the valleys, sure. People have lives and
you want to grow from your experiences and challenges.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">It sucks to be in this
position, but the single best dynamic you can achieve and also benefit? Is to keep things moving! Time will test you, but listing and then executing a number of to-dos will provide the healthy
distractions you need at this point in your life. Even if it means taking a
walk, cleaning, organizing, chores, errands, to name a few quick and easy steps.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">This is a pivotal time in
your life. Times like these are defining moments for you. Staying positive after splitting up your marriage and family is a
work in progress. It’s a big leap leaving a spouse, but even bigger with
children. It may be the single most critical decision you will make in your lifetime, though one which may have the largest lasting positive impact depending on how you handle and adjust.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Even if it’s not immediately
apparent, you are transforming, developing, building, growing into a bigger
person-- staying strong knowing things will get better is your norm. Yet surprisingly, when you
are ready you will forgive. Yes, a time will come when you know you will
release the pains you harbor by forgiving. Its hard understanding that, but
your heart will let you know when its ok. You’ll do it for you and it’ll be
easier than you think.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">As with the metamorphosis before the
butterfly, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">you will seek change</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">. You'll do it by finding and promoting new areas in your life. Seeking new scenery. Redefining and changing. It is up to you when that will happen. Shortly after my separation, I transferred to a new
organization with my employer and eventually found a surprising niche.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> I needed a dramatic adjustment. I thought I was perfectly happy where I was--through change I found something better.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I shed the life that defined
me previously. I reached out to others who were open to listening and who had
good ideas and thoughts. I surrounded myself with positives. I avoided the
inner voice, which spoke down to me. <o:p></o:p></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I kept focused on me opposed to others or things that wanted to keep me down.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #262626;">Be easier on your self. </span><span style="color: #7b2115;">Self-compassion</span><span style="color: #262626;"> is a sort of antitoxin to the soul. Don’t beat yourself up. Rather understand life can throw
you tough lessons, but that you have limits, you are not perfect, and you are
only human. There is Devine passage to the next chapter in your life if it’s in
your spirit. God is looking after you.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Relax, breathe, close your
eyes and just listen. You can find supporting environments easily—your own
backyard, park, hiking trails, gardens or any place with complete solitude. I
wasn’t a big fan of meditation previously, but I found when there was too much
going on inside my head, sitting quietly with my eyes closed listening to my
heart and my breath was an easy way to clear my mind. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">A more profound idea
while sitting quietly and generating a better attitude is by stimulating your mind
with your senses—certain smells, touches against your skin, tastes, sights, sounds
you enjoy, or anything that may excite your senses. It’s comforting allowing
yourself to feel again through your environment. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Use positive affirmations. Start your day with a
positive affirmation to get off to a good start in striving for your whole day
to be a positive one. Affirmations are a powerful tool when used on a regular
basis. It can be something as simple as "Today is the best day yet!" Some
will post or write notes on their bathroom mirror so it’s the first affirmation
received in the morning.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Create a positivity board—basically affirmations on
a bulletin board in your home at a common area where you post pictures, funny jokes or comic strips </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">that bring a smile to your face</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">. An alternative online is, <a href="http://www.pinterest.com/">www.pinterest.com</a>.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">How about just surrendering! <span style="color: #141414;">Be selective when choosing your battles. Understand stuff happens. </span>This
is one area many overlook. The universe isn't always going to be in tune with your mood. The proverb, “This too shall
pass,” could be your mantra. You don’t have to fight for everything. You don't have to push back. Some
things just aren’t worth your time. Your bad feelings won’t last forever so allow
yourself to heal while understanding your emotions can be compromised. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Other very ample means to
get you through the rough are seeking things to be grateful and savoring the
things which make you happy—family, children, jogging, exercise, morning coffee
and paper, friends, and simple thoughtful gestures and acts of kindness. Again, anything that makes you happy and elicits good feelings.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #262626;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I am thankful. I can give back if I
rest on an appreciation of what I have to offer: my health, my heart, my smile.
These are things I own and no one can take away from me. Taking gratitude in
the small things will invite positive feelings and may just inspire and elicit feelings in others--generating a cyclic and positive energy if you will.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Likewise, there are also things not to do. It’s not
about immediately finding intimacy with others. Developing relationships and
friendships through new areas in your life is encouraged. Allow time for your
heart to heal and get your head on straight. Divorce is like taking it on the
jaw and feeling a little dizzy for a while—as in months. New intimate relations won't heal you and may even set you back further.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Don’t fill voids with material things or tangible
items, which only fill a need temporarily. Eat the ice cream, buy the
consolation item, and get away for a while but don’t generate habits from them. Think
about the materials that are practical and necessary for you and your kids. On the contrary, set fresh goals and targets in your lives, such as budgeting.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Keep bad influences or negatives
away—certain people, substance abuse, credit cards and debt, material things to
name a few. Clean up the influences that mar your ability to grow! Reprioritize
and re-organize literally and figuratively. Think about what corporations do
when they find themselves over extended, too thin to grow, and with too much debt— they
downsize, remove impacts, rebuild, and come back stronger. Simplify!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Family and friends may be
there for you. Though eventually you’ll have to tough it out on your own. Sympathy
won’t be around forever and that’s ok. Keep your feet moving! You will know
when you are whole and complete again. It might not happen today
or tomorrow, but you’ll feel it eventually if you employ many of the tricks and
tips within. Your children will follow your lead and together you reap the rewards. This is gold, your personal investment to your family's long term emotional health.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Next Up! The twelfth and final segment, “<a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2013/01/stick-with-what-works.html" target="_blank">Sticking With What Works</a>”, will help with learning to trust your gifts as a parent and
sustaining a path that wins over you and your children.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7QMn8S_0SlB_Rt3IbFvNlgaGCOhRfTL78x_X26WT7Waf02kF9P_XpnaQiq0NA6OPl96zNVW9mLw-XMg-vCwU8AJkjcmszSScrFKWTamBrBiusEERJvLcmoily7HkeMcfMc0cFNR_naHI/s1600/single+parenting.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; color: #992211; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7QMn8S_0SlB_Rt3IbFvNlgaGCOhRfTL78x_X26WT7Waf02kF9P_XpnaQiq0NA6OPl96zNVW9mLw-XMg-vCwU8AJkjcmszSScrFKWTamBrBiusEERJvLcmoily7HkeMcfMc0cFNR_naHI/s1600/single+parenting.png" style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; cursor: move; position: relative;" /></a></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<h4 style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; position: relative;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-weight: normal; line-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Bruce Buccio resides in Colorado, USA, is a Rebuilding Coach and Expert and published Author. Today, he writes primarily inspired by experiences raising his children, but also writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></h4>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-weight: normal; line-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;">© 2013 Bruce Buccio</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Bruce Buccio resides in a small cozy town in Colorado with his beautiful and supportive wife, finds beauty in the small things, openness/ honesty, and is author of "Parenting After Divorce: Rebuilding Your Life And Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter (2013)." Bruce is a court appointed child advocate volunteering his mediation and counseling services to persons in need of parenting, relationship, personal growth and life changes. Today, he writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</div>The Authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08260211923179409941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309124729707870328.post-31477066676531222322013-01-09T14:40:00.004-07:002013-01-28T17:00:21.386-07:00Teach Your Children Well<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>
<w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>
<w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
</w:Compatibility>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276">
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBrzzYdCXPs8xUKelvV6HHYuJZILDjedeS7Xteb69KO3lwIUZAua6n81MUpHjk6V3pqKYAc2hqz-d5df2aq9aPts7zRKyYOV1i96k4PPuRw8xb6gotu0qh76N3uOd7f18zP9JYGxeO97c/s1600/Single+Parents-+fishing.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="Many think divorce is the end of the world. Depending on your circumstances, it’s certainly understandable as we’ve all been there initially. Divorce is no easy task regardless of your situation and it brings along with it fears and pains from the past and about the future. But, does this feeling project onto your kids?" border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBrzzYdCXPs8xUKelvV6HHYuJZILDjedeS7Xteb69KO3lwIUZAua6n81MUpHjk6V3pqKYAc2hqz-d5df2aq9aPts7zRKyYOV1i96k4PPuRw8xb6gotu0qh76N3uOd7f18zP9JYGxeO97c/s400/Single+Parents-+fishing.png" title="Teach Your Children Well" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #0c0c0c;">This article is the
tenth segment in a twelve part series I developed for maximizing your
opportunities for success after divorce called, </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/09/my-12-point-ladder-to-successful.html"><span style="color: #c0504d; text-decoration: none;">“My 12 Point
Ladder To Successful Divorce Transition With Children.”</span></a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #0c0c0c;"> The ninth or last segment published, </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">“</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2013/01/being-reliable-resource-post-divorce.html">Being A Reliable Resource</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">”</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #0c0c0c;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #5f1e15;">helped with
identifying how to </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #101010;">communicate your love and
support effectively with your children during this critical time in your lives.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #0c0c0c;">This segment, “</span><span style="color: #141414;">Teach Your Children Well”, </span><span style="color: #262626;">supports the</span><span style="color: #101010;"> individual
times you have created with your children by showing opportunity doesn’t stop
because of divorce</span><span style="color: #0e0e0e;">.</span><span style="color: #161616;"> </span><span style="color: #111111;">By this time
in your transitional development, you are </span>building
structure and adding stability back into your kid’s lives<span style="color: #141414;">, </span><a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/12/developing-rituals-that-change.html"><span style="color: #7b2115; text-decoration: none;">creating new rituals
with your children</span></a><span style="color: #141414;"> with any number of </span><a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/06/building-family-rituals-brings-love-and.html"><span style="color: #7b2115; text-decoration: none;">family rituals I
personally developed</span></a><span style="color: #141414;">, and you </span></span><br />
<a name='more'></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #141414;">are </span><a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2013/01/being-reliable-resource-post-divorce.html"><span style="color: #7b2115; text-decoration: none;">becoming a consistent
and reliable resource</span></a><span style="color: #141414;"> for your children.</span><span style="color: #111111;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #111111;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">You may think divorce
is the end of the world. Depending on your circumstances, it’s certainly
understandable as we’ve all been there initially. Divorce is no easy task regardless
of your situation and it brings along with it fears and pains from the past and
about the future. But, does this feeling project onto your kids? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #111111;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">You will grieve and
you may feel reprieve as you release what could be insurmountable differences
in your marriage. Other than the living arrangements, nothing else really needs
to change. Depending on your perspective you may feel everything changes and
it’s all about survival mode. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #111111;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Well, you are a
survivor! That doesn’t mean you have to approach life as a victim. Life does
have setbacks but we find the will and move forward to bigger and better
things. Things do improve. Our view of optimism helps!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #111111;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Our kids can learn
from our experiences by seeing how we approach adversity. There are positives
in this cloud hanging over us—the ubiquitous silver lining. Accepting
challenges and changes and creating opportunity from them will support growth. We
show life can present hard lessons, but we pick ourselves up by the bootstraps
and move on. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #111111;"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span></o:p></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #111111; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #111111;">For me personally,
I didn’t want my divorce to impact the way my kids viewed the world. This
doesn’t mean I didn’t grieve. It certainly doesn’t mean they weren’t affected. I
still wanted my kids to excel and face life as though nothing really changes (</span><a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/11/working-past-ex-negativity-and-games.html">I learned to mitigate some of the dramatic elements</a><span style="color: #111111;">) other than household status. After all they didn’t ask
for this divorce. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #111111;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Lets face it, life
doesn’t really stop for anyone. How I handled my challenges could be projected inadvertently on my young. If I felt bad or was
losing an appreciation for my new status I did it elsewhere. I worked for
maintaining strength in the eyes of my little ones to accept setbacks, but to
also challenge them.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #111111;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I didn’t want them
to become vulnerable like the many publically documented impacts that come with
single parenting. I couldn’t be with them all the time, but I could do my part
when they were with me. I could make a difference--I could do it with my involvement
and how I participated in their lives. I could inspire through my love and
dedication!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #111111;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I could teach and
mentor throughout this obscure area in our lives. I could talk to them and share
good dialogue—impressing upon them they had a dad who cared more about their well
being than in the obstacles that wanted to stand in our way.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #1d1d1d;">I embraced their young hearts in lieu
of their experience. </span><span style="color: #111111;">I knew my actions
counted for something. I viewed them as young, smart, fearless,
resilient, children with innocent hearts. I could change the outcome over what fate
wanted to label a child of divorce and all the stigma that came.</span><span style="color: #1d1d1d;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #111111;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I wanted my
children to have the same family benefits as their two-parent household peers.
We could still approach our days with veracity, love, acceptance, and joy. I
learned to ignore the chatter and the standard that wanted to define us. We did
it by accepting our family status and advancing forward. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #262626;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I encouraged them to ask good pertinent
questions. You want this type of dialogue to start early while expressing
yourself calmly in a language they understand. I opened our relationship to
stand for more. I would feed their curiosity.
<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #262626;">Every opportunity I had, </span><span style="color: #1d1d1d;">I did my best to bring the outside world to my children through
experiences. We planned, but we were also spontaneous and made time for getting
out--in the process we learned a little about our selves and each other. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #1d1d1d;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">We approached change, challenge, and
growth together and learned value and approval with each other. I showed them
life could be your teacher and what is important is it's in how we respond to
adversity that matters most. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #111111;">Divorce isn’t the
end of the world, obviously. It may bring fears and pains, though don’t let it project
onto your kids. You are allowed to grieve as you accept the reality of your
situation. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, your kids have
so much more to learn from how you accept change and define your life as you move
forward to a brighter, deeper, future together.</span><span style="color: #262626;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #262626;">Next Up! The eleventh
segment, “</span><a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2013/01/staying-positive.html" target="_blank">Staying Positive</a>”, will help with </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 20px;">looking inward for insightful personal change and ownership, but while</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> not judging yourself<span style="color: #101010;">.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"></span></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7QMn8S_0SlB_Rt3IbFvNlgaGCOhRfTL78x_X26WT7Waf02kF9P_XpnaQiq0NA6OPl96zNVW9mLw-XMg-vCwU8AJkjcmszSScrFKWTamBrBiusEERJvLcmoily7HkeMcfMc0cFNR_naHI/s1600/single+parenting.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; color: #992211; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7QMn8S_0SlB_Rt3IbFvNlgaGCOhRfTL78x_X26WT7Waf02kF9P_XpnaQiq0NA6OPl96zNVW9mLw-XMg-vCwU8AJkjcmszSScrFKWTamBrBiusEERJvLcmoily7HkeMcfMc0cFNR_naHI/s1600/single+parenting.png" style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; cursor: move; position: relative;" /></a></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<h4 style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; position: relative;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-weight: normal; line-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Bruce Buccio resides in Colorado, USA, is a Rebuilding Coach and Expert and published Author. Today, he writes primarily inspired by experiences raising his children, but also writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></h4>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-weight: normal; line-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;">© 2013 Bruce Buccio</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Bruce Buccio resides in a small cozy town in Colorado with his beautiful and supportive wife, finds beauty in the small things, openness/ honesty, and is author of "Parenting After Divorce: Rebuilding Your Life And Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter (2013)." Bruce is a court appointed child advocate volunteering his mediation and counseling services to persons in need of parenting, relationship, personal growth and life changes. Today, he writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</div>The Authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08260211923179409941noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309124729707870328.post-5680690269995875032013-01-01T12:12:00.002-07:002013-01-28T16:59:46.583-07:00Being A Reliable Resource Post-Divorce<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>
<w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>
<w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
</w:Compatibility>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276">
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcf57YMLAX6e0-UXVej5WmpAr1Z3Lnusu0jkoOhhr-ZaLKDguvRdOar4U4bbc8BuKG0Dkr4ynYMpAVMIo5zrhMSC2Dzh0_z3xg2rohyXN9kcBscuHNSAxeBxgs56FP1dxFUyOix9vauo0/s1600/Single+Parents+-+child+by+candle+light.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="This segment, “Being A Reliable Resource…” helps with communicating effectively with your children during this significant time in your lives moving forward as though only your living arrangements have changed." border="0" height="275" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcf57YMLAX6e0-UXVej5WmpAr1Z3Lnusu0jkoOhhr-ZaLKDguvRdOar4U4bbc8BuKG0Dkr4ynYMpAVMIo5zrhMSC2Dzh0_z3xg2rohyXN9kcBscuHNSAxeBxgs56FP1dxFUyOix9vauo0/s400/Single+Parents+-+child+by+candle+light.png" title="Being A Reliable Resource Post-Divorce" width="400" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #0c0c0c;">This article is the
ninth segment in a twelve part series I developed for maximizing your
opportunities for success after divorce called, </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/09/my-12-point-ladder-to-successful.html"><span style="color: #461a13; text-decoration: none;">“My 12 Point
Ladder To Successful Divorce Transition With Children.”</span></a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #0c0c0c;"> The eighth or last segment published, </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/12/developing-rituals-that-change.html">“Developing Rituals That Change Everything”</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #0c0c0c;"> showed how to </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #1d1d1d;">reinforce family bonds and send the hidden message, “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">We are going to be ok. We can move
on and leave the past behind.”</i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #0c0c0c;">This segment, “</span><span style="color: #141414;">Being A Reliable Resource…”</span><span style="color: #0c0c0c;"> </span><span style="color: #5f1e15;">helps with </span><span style="color: #101010;">communicating effectively with your children during this
significant time in your lives moving forward as though only your living
arrangements have changed</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #0e0e0e;">. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #111111; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">By this time in
your transitional development, you are finding more time with your children, identifying
and adjusting in your </span><br />
<a name='more'></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #111111; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">new role and personal life, and moving past the
discomfort in your divorce relations.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #141414;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">You would think post-divorce
status may start to get easier, but then realization sets in that new and different
challenges persist. Room for dissatisfaction and restlessness may develop from your
revelation. You may find it challenging to keep up with your own issues as you
attempt to move forward. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #141414;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">What’s your child’s
new status? You may not be the only one who's coping. Depending on their age they may have varying issues lingering from
the separation, but won’t communicate. As with many in your position, you may observe
behavior changes such as withdrawal and just chalk it up to the divorce with
hopes everyone will adjust and time will heal. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #141414;">It’s too easy for
children to get lost in the shuffle as we try to mold into new roles and our personal
life. </span><span style="color: #141414;">This is in fact
the time to re-engage your child—your spoken words are essential to keep your
child caught up and involved. You may discover it’s challenging to come up with
the right questions and associated resolve. </span><span style="color: #141414;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #141414;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">It’s best at this
time to develop a new platform in your relationship. Find an outlook that will
distract them from the obscure grief hanging over them. Connecting in a new
setting will help on their terms with hopes they will share their feelings openly
on the matter. After all, your family dynamic is not the same anymore. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #141414;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">We can’t expect
our children to derive answers on their own. Here are ways we can effectively communicate
our support and love in order to maintain our child’s direction:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #1d1d1d;">1) Learn to understand
your child’s world through listening to their ideas and thoughts. Steal the
opportunity to show your children individually, “I’m vested in YOU, YOU are
important, and I approve of YOU lovingly and with acceptance.”</span><span style="color: #141414;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #1d1d1d;">2) Sustain
structure and discipline. Loosening your discipline methods at this time when
you already feel bad about the new circumstances or predicament would be
unwise. Your child needs you more in this area than any other time. Decisions
about discipline can be challenging, but we make choices because we love our
children even if it’s not immediately apparent to our kids. </span><span style="color: #262626;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #161616;">3) Make conscious
decisions to ask good pertinent and intelligent questions. Their response may
in effect raise more questions, but their answer isn’t as important as much as
their own insight, awareness, and perspective on the issues.</span><span style="color: #1d1d1d;"> I personally relate with each of my children differently
and with individuality because they are mutually exclusive in their own right.</span><span style="color: #161616;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1d1d1d;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">4) Model your
behavior. While proper discipline, education, family and value systems have
combined benefit; it's our passive impact or how we value our self, our goals,
and our relationships that attribute the most success to our young. It’s this influence
on our children that generates the single most benefit. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #141414;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">5) Be there when
they reach out. Keep an open rapport-- help them identify with your new position
in their life. Single parenting or co-parenting presents unclear family dynamics
initially. If my kids needed me, I wanted to be the one who raised my arms, palms
wide open, to connect. Show you too can be there when needed.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #141414;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">6) Communicate
frequently. I found that my children gained confidence in us if I communicated our
plans and events to them directly. I tried to remain consistent and predictable
in my approach. Be prompt--if I was travelling or wouldn’t be able to keep a
planned date, I expressed that well in advance. If I was out of town, I called
and spoke directly with my little one. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #141414;">Incidentally, I learned early, messages got lost or
translated incorrectly if I didn’t speak directly with my kids. I also learned
if I tried to have a discussion on the phone with their mom while the kids were
in her care was also a bad choice.</span></i><span style="color: #141414;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #141414;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">7) Explain that nothing
else changes. Only your living arrangements change. You can still state you
love their mom or dad but just not the same way anymore. That it’s a very tough
decision and it’s sad, but this very delicate and sensitive issue is only a small
snag in a much bigger picture—your role and responsibilities don’t change.
Things will eventually improve.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #101010;">Communicating
effectively with your children during this significant time in your lives is
critical.</span><span style="color: #161616;"> </span><span style="color: #141414;">Working through the new persistent challenges that divorce
presents in our after-married-life may create displeasure, but identifying with
our children’s issues is priority. Behavior changes are a sure sign your
attention is required. Developing a new</span><span style="color: #141414;"> platform and understanding in your relationship will help them
succeed. Their future depends on you.</span><span style="color: #141414;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #262626;">Next Up! The tenth
segment, “</span><a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2013/01/teach-your-children-well.html" target="_blank">Teach Your Children Well</a>”, will support the<span style="color: #141414;"> individual times you have created with your
children and show opportunity doesn’t stop because of divorce</span><span style="color: #101010;">.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #101010;"><br /></span></span></div>
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"></span></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7QMn8S_0SlB_Rt3IbFvNlgaGCOhRfTL78x_X26WT7Waf02kF9P_XpnaQiq0NA6OPl96zNVW9mLw-XMg-vCwU8AJkjcmszSScrFKWTamBrBiusEERJvLcmoily7HkeMcfMc0cFNR_naHI/s1600/single+parenting.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; color: #992211; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7QMn8S_0SlB_Rt3IbFvNlgaGCOhRfTL78x_X26WT7Waf02kF9P_XpnaQiq0NA6OPl96zNVW9mLw-XMg-vCwU8AJkjcmszSScrFKWTamBrBiusEERJvLcmoily7HkeMcfMc0cFNR_naHI/s1600/single+parenting.png" style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; cursor: move; position: relative;" /></a></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<h4 style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; position: relative;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-weight: normal; line-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Bruce Buccio resides in Colorado, USA, is a Rebuilding Coach and Expert and published Author. Today, he writes primarily inspired by experiences raising his children, but also writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></h4>
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;">© 2013 Bruce Buccio</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Bruce Buccio resides in a small cozy town in Colorado with his beautiful and supportive wife, finds beauty in the small things, openness/ honesty, and is author of "Parenting After Divorce: Rebuilding Your Life And Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter (2013)." Bruce is a court appointed child advocate volunteering his mediation and counseling services to persons in need of parenting, relationship, personal growth and life changes. Today, he writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</div>The Authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08260211923179409941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309124729707870328.post-33002853027394040652012-12-17T11:44:00.000-07:002013-01-28T16:58:37.235-07:00Developing Rituals That Change Everything<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>
<w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>
<w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
</w:Compatibility>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276">
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJHLgk3MhPZEvYOirrfOFZ5ZBy65mheRVmYguSsip0Q-AsbRsH0fc5kHiNHT9QflkdqpovEhBdb8paRLx_jOURGaNdTGK007aQpgjtKVk9UOwNEasVjrLKvvM5g3x_jV_MKLSuTACijug/s1600/Single+Parents-+kids+playing+barefoot.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="Now is the time to build on your recent triumphs after divorce by improving on your way of life together with your children." border="0" height="395" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJHLgk3MhPZEvYOirrfOFZ5ZBy65mheRVmYguSsip0Q-AsbRsH0fc5kHiNHT9QflkdqpovEhBdb8paRLx_jOURGaNdTGK007aQpgjtKVk9UOwNEasVjrLKvvM5g3x_jV_MKLSuTACijug/s400/Single+Parents-+kids+playing+barefoot.png" title="Developing Rituals That Change Everything" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #0e0e0e;">This article is the eighth segment in
a twelve part series I developed for maximizing your opportunities for success
after divorce called, </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/09/my-12-point-ladder-to-successful.html"><span style="color: #5f1e15; text-decoration: none;">“My 12 Point Ladder To
Successful Divorce Transition With Children.”</span></a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #0e0e0e;"> The seventh
or last segment published, <a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/12/building-structurein-your-kids-security.html" target="_blank">“</a></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #7b2115;"><a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/12/building-structurein-your-kids-security.html" target="_blank">Building Structure-- In Your Child’s Security</a></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #0e0e0e;"><a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/12/building-structurein-your-kids-security.html" target="_blank">” </a>shows how to </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #1d1d1d;">create a compelling
discovery for you and your children that will harmonize your household.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #0e0e0e;">This segment, “</span><span style="color: #141414;">Developing Rituals That Change Everything</span><span style="color: #0e0e0e;">” is about</span><span style="color: #161616;"> </span><span style="color: #101010;">bringing family together to strengthen
relationships in time of need.</span><span style="color: #1d1d1d;"> </span><span style="color: #161616;">By this time
in your transitional development, you are succeeding on a good working balance
with your ex, implementing designs on your
new personal life, and generating a sustainable household.</span><span style="color: #141414;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #161616;">Now is the time to build on your recent
triumphs after divorce by improving on your way of life together with your children.</span><span style="color: #262626;"> By developing and bringing rituals into our home, we develop
an accord—the love, </span></span><br />
<a name='more'></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #262626;">unity, agreement, accomplishment, and good emotional health
that arrive from the connections that bind family together. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #1d1d1d;">Rituals and
traditions alike bring family together. Family rituals provide opportunity for
re-affirming and developing family values, faith, and life experiences. </span><span style="color: #262626;">These experiences are a hidden reinforcement that everything
is going to be ok. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #262626;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">This comes at a
time of significant need. Post separation, your children are left curious about
their changes, family status, and the scope of their future. By creating and sharing
new rituals you institute harmony and a network of support with added family.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #262626;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">What’s more remarkable
about rituals is their origin. Starting from an idea, then growing by natural
progression from popularity and shared enthusiasm. Your newly instituted
customs may just blossom into something very special for a lifetime. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #262626;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Rituals have the
potential to become traditions, which may then get passed down into
generations. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It warms my heart
thinking about sharing traditions into my prime with grandchildren. Organized family
efforts bear the fruit of love and lasting memory. These events are a reflection
that family is important.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #262626;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Rituals with my
children started on a lark. This would lead to a post divorce discovery that we
could leave the past behind. We could move on together and share something bigger—that
creating and sustaining rituals generate healthy distractions and deepen bonds in the process.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #262626;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">We would seek and
investigate our surroundings with road trips through our beautiful state. We
would make our rounds to our favorite local and national parks. We would camp, explore, rock climb and find beauty in everything we could see. We would tube down extraordinary as well as lazy rivers and we would horseback. Eventually we would strike out beyond our state borders and visit our shorelines--in
a sense I would attempt to bring the world to them.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #262626;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">When my girls were young, I took pride in visiting their bedside every night to say I
Love You and we would share highlights of the day. I would rotate weekly individual date nights to learn about their world through
their eyes, thoughts and dreams over dinner and some activity afterwards.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #262626; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I sought favorite
past times from my youth. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I taught them how to ski, sled, and skate as well as how to swim, climb a tree, and ride a bicycle. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #262626; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I looked at sports or any number of varied interests
from my children. Now that my children are older, we
still identify today with the favorite times we generated so many years ago.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #262626;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The holidays
present ways for creating new customs. I still hide ornaments in the
Christmas tree attached with a special message. I taught them how to carve
jack-o-lanterns. We build and launch July 4<sup>th</sup> rockets as a
tradition. When we can, I still enjoy the road to Aspen, Co every Labor Day
weekend. This Christmas holiday we host and we will be skiing.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #262626;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Don’t worry about
family size. If it’s only you and your children, as with my early experiences, you provide
the same message. As your kids grow older they’ll reflect on and share the good
times as mine do often. This re-affirms that your efforts made a positive,
lasting impression.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #161616;">Developing rituals allows us to build
upon what we have with an improved way of life.</span><span style="color: #262626;"> </span><span style="color: #1d1d1d;">These types of
customs </span><span style="color: #262626;">reinforce our family
bonds with the message we are going to be ok. It says we can move
on and leave the past behind. Rituals are healthy distractions that serve to
promote family without the need to pass judgment or discipline. That’s
something we can all live with together many times over and for generations to come.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Next Up! The ninth segment, “<span style="color: #141414;"><a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2013/01/being-reliable-resource-post-divorce.html" target="_blank">Being A Reliable Resource Post Divorce,</a>” </span><span style="color: #7b2115;">will help with </span><span style="color: #141414;">communicating effectively with your children as though nothing
has changed except your living arrangements. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7QMn8S_0SlB_Rt3IbFvNlgaGCOhRfTL78x_X26WT7Waf02kF9P_XpnaQiq0NA6OPl96zNVW9mLw-XMg-vCwU8AJkjcmszSScrFKWTamBrBiusEERJvLcmoily7HkeMcfMc0cFNR_naHI/s1600/single+parenting.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; color: #992211; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7QMn8S_0SlB_Rt3IbFvNlgaGCOhRfTL78x_X26WT7Waf02kF9P_XpnaQiq0NA6OPl96zNVW9mLw-XMg-vCwU8AJkjcmszSScrFKWTamBrBiusEERJvLcmoily7HkeMcfMc0cFNR_naHI/s1600/single+parenting.png" style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; cursor: move; position: relative;" /></a></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<h4 style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; position: relative;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-weight: normal; line-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Bruce Buccio resides in Colorado, USA, is a Rebuilding Coach and Expert and published Author. Today, he writes primarily inspired by experiences raising his children, but also writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</span></span></span></span></span></span></h4>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-weight: normal; line-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;">© 2012 Bruce Buccio</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Bruce Buccio resides in a small cozy town in Colorado with his beautiful and supportive wife, finds beauty in the small things, openness/ honesty, and is author of "Parenting After Divorce: Rebuilding Your Life And Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter (2013)." Bruce is a court appointed child advocate volunteering his mediation and counseling services to persons in need of parenting, relationship, personal growth and life changes. Today, he writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</div>The Authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08260211923179409941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309124729707870328.post-36844163161019856442012-12-10T12:01:00.001-07:002013-01-28T16:56:55.718-07:00Building Structure—in your kid’s security<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>
<w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>
<w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
</w:Compatibility>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276">
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA09JNxBZ7i3a2b-BXy_V97xKsYZ6R-nJrCPKd_KW0Dfewm7DOllVHv_v7W2teViqFNXX37yVO1fLq02CbW5gS0RSCCotrkSn4y-3ozFH87-ZxmYB-gWGSvYk8UguacuUMKmQekIC7AJo/s1600/Single+Parents-+father+and+boy.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="Too much anxiety from insecurities, emotions, fear, and even the unknown marks our childhood with instability and coping mechanisms. " border="0" height="258" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA09JNxBZ7i3a2b-BXy_V97xKsYZ6R-nJrCPKd_KW0Dfewm7DOllVHv_v7W2teViqFNXX37yVO1fLq02CbW5gS0RSCCotrkSn4y-3ozFH87-ZxmYB-gWGSvYk8UguacuUMKmQekIC7AJo/s400/Single+Parents-+father+and+boy.png" title="Building Structure—in your kid’s security" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #101010;">This article is the seventh segment
in a twelve part series I developed for maximizing your opportunities for
success after divorce called, </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/09/my-12-point-ladder-to-successful.html"><span style="color: #7b2115; text-decoration: none;">“My 12 Point Ladder To
Successful Divorce Transition With Children.”</span></a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #101010;"> The sixth
or last segment published, “<a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/11/moving-forward-after-divorce.html" target="_blank">Moving Forward After Divorce</a>” takes a look at </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #1d1d1d;">designing a new path and setting targets for your new life
ahead.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #101010;">This segment, “Building Structure…”,
is about</span><span style="color: #1d1d1d;"> </span><span style="color: #141414;">developing a framework
of consistency and predictability into your home life for your children.</span><span style="color: #262626;"> </span><span style="color: #1d1d1d;">By this time in your transitional
development, you and your kids are fitting into your new life together, but </span><span style="color: #141414;">in the process of adjusting to new roles and new
household status, things perhaps got a little confusing for everyone. </span><span style="color: #262626;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #141414;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">When we are in our youth we prefer sameness. We grow
secure in knowing our surroundings are constant </span></span><br />
<a name='more'></a><span style="color: #141414;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">and uniform. This allows us to
focus and develop in other areas that are age appropriate such as: play,
school, organized activity, friends, fantasy, creativity and imagination, etc.
Stress and anxiety don’t mix well with children.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #141414;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Too much anxiety from insecurities, emotions, fear, and
even the unknown marks our childhood with instability and coping mechanisms. As
children we don’t like the unknown. We don’t like coping. Too much and this may
result in behavioral issues and closes us off. Loss of parents only compounds
the problem.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #141414;">During change or altered lifestyles, children look to us
for comfort and security to protect their wellbeing. In a sense, they want to trust in our ability to handle variations for them. </span><span style="color: #1d1d1d;">They want to see it in our eyes, hear it in our tone, and feel
it in our embrace.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1d1d1d;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The results of change are amplified within children in comparison to
adults. As we grow we become accustomed to change. We learn familiarity with
new challenges and become more accepting of change. Children don’t have this
luxury.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1d1d1d;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1d1d1d;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Children want to feel more secure in the events, which
they have no control over. They want to model our behavior and adjust and move
with change under our guidance. Giving the opportunity, children will prove
resilient over time if we facilitate and support their actions.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #1d1d1d;">There are two significant areas we can help our children
cope with and mitigate stress after the divorce or separation—by building structure
in their lives and minimizing change, </span><span style="color: #262626;">we develop an understanding.</span><span style="color: #1d1d1d;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">By securing a structured framework in the new household,
we provide stability for our loved ones.<span style="color: #1d1d1d;"> This means
creating “sameness” in their daily lives when it comes to breakfast, school,
homework, dinner, playtime, bath time, bedtime, etc. By the same standard, we can model
structure in our own life—the fewer surprises the better, at least until everyone adjusts.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #1d1d1d;">On weekends, we can employ similar events. Meal times and
bedtimes etc could be coordinated with weekday times. </span><span style="color: #262626;">The more familiarity with a schedule, the better your
child will adjust to a new household. Good quality time with the kids even if its
running errands together is worthwhile. Further, <a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/11/our-children-after-divorce-integrating.html" target="_blank">integrating into your child's life</a> can support the overall process. That's in supporting and encouraging their own interests and hobbies as well as introducing and sharing your own.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: .75in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #1d1d1d;">By comparison, minimizing change immediately after
separation can help reduce anxiety.</span><span style="color: #141414;"> </span><span style="color: #262626;">Less change, post
divorce, supports your child in the long term. As a suggestion, if only the
living arrangements changing between mom and dad are expressed, the impact of divorce
hopefully may be lessened for your children. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #1d1d1d;">Think of the stressors we manage as adults after
separation: potential household move, new roles and status, divorce
proceedings, personal loss and grieving, coordination and transfer of children
between homes, changing financial responsibilities, and potential job or career
change to name a few. Protecting or at least deflecting the kids from the adult
stuff that comes with divorce will help support your children.</span><span style="color: #141414;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: .75in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: .75in;">
<span style="color: #262626;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Consistency on your part does work miracles and predictability serves
to support and mitigate your child’s fears and anxiety in the long run. By using this
method, your young children will see they can rely on your judgment and feel
safe. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: .75in;">
<span style="color: #262626;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Get moving! Start and make your kids schedules a priority. <a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/01/looking-beyond-adversity-for-divorcee.html">Look
beyond adversity</a> and create a compelling discovery for you and your
children that will harmonize your household. Don’t let your kids get lost in
the shuffle—your actions at this point will pre-empt and secure your future
with your children.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #262626;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #262626;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Next Up! <a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/12/developing-rituals-that-change.html" target="_blank">Developing Rituals That Change Everything!</a></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7QMn8S_0SlB_Rt3IbFvNlgaGCOhRfTL78x_X26WT7Waf02kF9P_XpnaQiq0NA6OPl96zNVW9mLw-XMg-vCwU8AJkjcmszSScrFKWTamBrBiusEERJvLcmoily7HkeMcfMc0cFNR_naHI/s1600/single+parenting.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; color: #992211; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7QMn8S_0SlB_Rt3IbFvNlgaGCOhRfTL78x_X26WT7Waf02kF9P_XpnaQiq0NA6OPl96zNVW9mLw-XMg-vCwU8AJkjcmszSScrFKWTamBrBiusEERJvLcmoily7HkeMcfMc0cFNR_naHI/s1600/single+parenting.png" style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; cursor: move; position: relative;" /></a></span></span></span></span></div>
<h4 style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; position: relative;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-weight: normal; line-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Bruce Buccio resides in Colorado, USA, is a Rebuilding Coach and Expert and soon to be published Author. Today, he writes primarily inspired by experiences raising his children, but also writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</span></span></span></span></span></h4>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-weight: normal; line-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;">© 2012 Bruce Buccio</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Bruce Buccio resides in a small cozy town in Colorado with his beautiful and supportive wife, finds beauty in the small things, openness/ honesty, and is author of "Parenting After Divorce: Rebuilding Your Life And Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter (2013)." Bruce is a court appointed child advocate volunteering his mediation and counseling services to persons in need of parenting, relationship, personal growth and life changes. Today, he writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</div>The Authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08260211923179409941noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309124729707870328.post-61522875483336863392012-11-28T15:05:00.000-07:002013-01-28T16:55:06.453-07:00Moving Forward After Divorce<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>
<w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>
<w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
</w:Compatibility>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276">
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjGWZElHNuKcxTxQ8sn1314IaUhDFd1MECUGXhHFhf9Up49HcudDWRh1JaNT6tSf_cJ6MuJOYhw9opU20M67XXAmWXynCp1e0BpxOLmCtYGLSvWYqZ8U_QiA4H5NFuL9SOnZSMeBMyXXU/s1600/Single+Parents-+Rituals.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="You may still be grieving and attempting to leave the past behind in order to let go. This is perfectly normal. Today, at this point in your development, reprioritizing and organizing your life for your future is what’s important now. " border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjGWZElHNuKcxTxQ8sn1314IaUhDFd1MECUGXhHFhf9Up49HcudDWRh1JaNT6tSf_cJ6MuJOYhw9opU20M67XXAmWXynCp1e0BpxOLmCtYGLSvWYqZ8U_QiA4H5NFuL9SOnZSMeBMyXXU/s400/Single+Parents-+Rituals.png" title="Moving Forward After Divorce" width="263" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #141414; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">This article is the sixth segment in a twelve part series I
developed for maximizing your opportunities for success after
divorce called, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #141414; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/09/my-12-point-ladder-to-successful.html" target="_blank">“My 12 Point Ladder To Successful Divorce Transition With Children.”</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #141414; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> The fifth or last segment published, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #141414; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #141414; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/11/working-past-ex-negativity-and-games.html" target="_blank">“Working Past the Ex, Negativity and Games”</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #141414; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">, takes a look at new co-parenting roles
in light of the divorce and new challenges which may result.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #141414;">This segment, “Moving Forward”, is about</span><span style="color: #262626;"> designing your own new path. You may not have noticed, but you
are a new person now. You may look the same in the mirror, but change is
imminent. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #262626;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #262626;">By this time in your transitional development, you are adjusting to your new household, your kids are settling into their new family
dynamic, and you are managing to find a good balance that works with your co-parent for the benefit of the kids. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #262626;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #262626;">You may still be grieving and attempting to </span><span style="color: #141414;">leave the past
behind in order to let go. This is perfectly normal. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #141414; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Today, at this point in your development, reprioritizing
</span><br />
<a name='more'></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #141414; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">and organizing your life for your future is what’s important now. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #141414; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #141414; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">For some of us it’s easy to let the past go by the wayside
and move on. We pick up where we left off, no big deal. You may hear the words in some form,
“I have my health, my career, the break was mutual, and we’re still friends—I’m
satisfied with my divorce settlement and my kids.“ </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #141414; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #141414; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Couldn’t they all be this way. It leaves
most of us wondering why the marriage couldn’t work since everyone is so
flexible.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #141414;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">For another group, it’s not so easy. It’s a bit more
extreme. It’s hard to imagine the preceding scenario since one or both parties
can’t seem to find common ground anywhere. There’s more energy displaced on
positioning themselves in the newly formed and ever-changing relationship. It’s
a challenge moving forward coping and dealing with divorce affairs, which may
bleed into issues around the children.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #141414;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Third and final, there’s the group in the middle. It’s not
extreme but it’s not a walk in the park either. There’s no conflict but someone
just took the hit rather dramatically and it’s hard to believe its over. We
were either blind-sided or for whatever reason it's one sided and can’t let go of the family. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">In any case, most can agree divorce usually happens long
before we’re ready to admit. No one is just using the “D” word. With few
exceptions, we may be kidding ourselves that the marriage is working. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We stay for the kids, fear of change, denial,
hope, or maybe fear of being alone itself.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #262626;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Eventually what’s inescapable will conquer. The inevitable
will happen. <a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/09/fearless-in-divorce.html">How
we each survive divorce</a> and breakups in general can take many forms. Coping
includes moving forward in our personal life. For most of us, change isn’t a
term we like to use unless we need. That may be at a greater cost if we’re caught
not looking or unprepared. Regardless, change is smoother if we accept and embrace it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #141414;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/10/preparing-for-change-in-your-life.html">After
the initial year in the separation process</a> and agreement, I started
thinking about a new life for myself. I started to design my new life as if I
had a second chance. All the interests I had that I couldn’t find time for were
now all moving to the forefront.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #141414;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">There was no need to look back any more. I could envision
a life with new meaning. This meant I could accept change and opportunity, new
relationships, and now more importantly, a new outlook. All of this takes time
of course and doesn’t happen overnight.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #141414;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Where do I go from here? I had my kids and I had me. If I
wanted my kids to have a decent shot in life, my career would
need some priority. With pressure from colleagues and friends, I took a leap of
faith and left my employer of nearly10 years. I had no idea at the time this
would take me on a journey that would transform me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #141414;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I could have stayed and reaped the love I enjoyed for so many
years from that employer. I had a cozy position and was compensated well. Eventually
I determined staying would only be the safe route. I needed more at this time
in my life. I wanted challenges from my career, for me. In a sense, I needed
new.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #141414;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">What’s the plan? Did I have a plan? Not necessarily, but I
knew I needed to keep moving and put new things in front of me. I knew enough at
this point I didn’t want to repeat history or regress in my personal life. I
started setting targets and goals for my life with my children. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #141414;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Before long, many doors started to open. A change of pace
and new scenery was what I needed even if I didn’t see it previously. This move
would lead to a significant career change and then years later my own company
startup—things were rolling.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #141414;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I was motivated by seeing my children happy and wanted to
keep it that way. I wanted them to have a life that wasn’t impacted by single
parenthood. They deserved all the same benefits as a two-parent home—a safe, secure, warm, loving environment without judgment and opportunity to excel. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #141414;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">My kids were my inspiration- I didn’t want to let them
down. I was already feeling extraordinary guilt for their unprecedented new
household status. I worked hard and to some extent placed a lot of energy into my
career—a sort of therapy for the soul. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #141414;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">More changes for me came when I began coaching--first at the request of my
daughter’s soccer moms to coach volleyball and then my own solicitation in boys inline hockey for which my youngest daughter joined. I got the coaching
bug. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #141414;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #141414;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">All culminated into coaching my daughters in multiple sports, tournament
teams, and eventually ice hockey. I learned I could be a factor in many kids’
lives. I kept moving, I transformed, I grew in the process and my children
reaped the rewards.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #141414;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Lets be honest, it’s upsetting for all involved to go through
a divorce and then try to bounce back- not an easy task. It takes time to move
through all phases of loss after divorce. It may have taken me personally 2-3
years to finally feel whole again. My personal slogan I relied on time and time
again-- grieve, but keep moving. </span></span></div>
<br />
Next Up! <a href="http://parentingforsingles.blogspot.com/2012/12/building-structurein-your-kids-security.html" target="_blank">Building Structure- In Your Kids Security!</a><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"></span></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7QMn8S_0SlB_Rt3IbFvNlgaGCOhRfTL78x_X26WT7Waf02kF9P_XpnaQiq0NA6OPl96zNVW9mLw-XMg-vCwU8AJkjcmszSScrFKWTamBrBiusEERJvLcmoily7HkeMcfMc0cFNR_naHI/s1600/single+parenting.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; color: #992211; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7QMn8S_0SlB_Rt3IbFvNlgaGCOhRfTL78x_X26WT7Waf02kF9P_XpnaQiq0NA6OPl96zNVW9mLw-XMg-vCwU8AJkjcmszSScrFKWTamBrBiusEERJvLcmoily7HkeMcfMc0cFNR_naHI/s1600/single+parenting.png" style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; border-width: initial; cursor: move; position: relative;" /></a></span></span></span></span></div>
<h4 style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; position: relative;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-weight: normal; line-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Bruce Buccio resides in Colorado, USA, is a Rebuilding Coach and Expert and soon to be published Author. Today, he writes primarily inspired by experiences raising his children, but also writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</span></span></span></span></span></h4>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-weight: normal; line-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></div>
</div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;">© 2012 Bruce Buccio</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Bruce Buccio resides in a small cozy town in Colorado with his beautiful and supportive wife, finds beauty in the small things, openness/ honesty, and is author of "Parenting After Divorce: Rebuilding Your Life And Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter (2013)." Bruce is a court appointed child advocate volunteering his mediation and counseling services to persons in need of parenting, relationship, personal growth and life changes. Today, he writes about inspiration, growth, and love.</div>The Authorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08260211923179409941noreply@blogger.com0