"Throughout this book, I felt Bruce had a secret window into my own life and private thoughts. Many private feelings I am currently dealing with were addressed and revealed in a manner that made me feel it is not only normal, but I am truly not alone in this. I was surprised that I cried while reading it and the comfort that the words brought me. I read tons of self-help books, among other types of books, and this book actually gives me hope and things to look forward to. My tears were from the fact that I am facing the words I read. I have been getting negative feedback from outside sources and these words reassured me not to listen, keep them out of your life and do what is right. The section on the other home/parent opened my eyes and freed me. I did not go into reading this book thinking it would help me on such a deep emotional level." ~Dorothy Justice, Vice Chair-Community Action Partnership

January 30, 2012

To Leap Or Not To Leap

A child who turns to you immediately for help will only learn to return without attempts.
Child's Leap / Jonathan Byrne
Perhaps the hardest part of being a parent is watching your child fail; the proverbial face plant in the midst of one of life’s critical moments. There is no guidebook on how a child should endure life’s little challenges. How you handle your observations, from a parent point of view is what separates you from the pack. 

From the time your toddler begins to walk, you will see your loved one respond to falling by getting back up. Although literally in this instance, as they grow older those little feet grow into bigger shoes that are more susceptible to tripping up.

From a very young age before speaking, your little one will:
  1. Investigate 
  2. Ponder
  3. Experience (through trial and error)
  4. Fail
  5. Learn
There is no reason to change how you handle this situation once they get older. Watching them move through this process can be entertaining and should be. In essence, this can be the easiest part of being a parent. You may get to witness an impending disaster as long as no one gets hurt. As the parent or guardian, you are allowed to laugh quietly.

You don’t have to leap every time to their safety when your loved one screws up. Your child doesn’t have to receive guidance on the right way or the best way or even the quickest. Since time as a toddler, your child will grow with the experiences of falling and getting back up. As they get older, you may have to become wiser with your understanding of the issues. Otherwise, let them grow, stumble, and get back on their own feet. Not leaping in immediately will help your child no matter how old. Knowing you are near will be enough comfort and support; the younger your child the closer with your safety net.

Sometimes you have to look the other way and give children opportunity to review the situation. A child who turns to you immediately for help will only learn to return without attempts. Let them mull the issue and try to put their arms around it. Maybe even make attempts at resolve. The chances of your young one rectifying the situation on his/ her first try are slim, but that’s ok and expected. As your child grows older, this period will become tougher for you as a parent and especially if you know the solution.

Try to remain calm. Remember the entertainment factor. Don’t ignore if solicited, but rather drop hints, point them in a direction, and/ or provide options depending on their maturity or age. You may learn to become too busy so he/ she can start to move with their own feet. Make excuses, but never leave your child isolated or stranded at any age. Always observing from afar, though understanding its best for children to try to resolve or rectify their own problems initially. Smiling or even laughing privately is not mandatory though recommended.

January 27, 2012

Risk and Consequence of your Child's Action

Taking risks is ok, if your child understands and is ready to accept the consequences. Risk isn't a word we normally choose when talking with our children. We all know risks too well as adults. As a child and especially into our teens we never labeled it "risks". It may have been referred to simply as taking chances, not thinking, or maybe just a little too much fun. Are you with me?

The last reference is a phrase our parents used when we first started asserting our independence. Now that you are a parent, "risks" is a word you want your teenager to be very familiar with and understand; though not as a bad word, as a good word.

Empowered to make wise decisions

Helping children feel comfortable with risk will serve worthy to further themselves in life. Understanding consequences can be a remarkable tool for your teen. Sharing with him/ her and acknowledging potential risk allows your child to better plan and prepare for events. Your child will think realistically about his/ her actions and consider what consequences lay ahead. Your child will be empowered to make wise decisions.

On the other hand, severe risk can linger as the result of peer pressure when just having fun was the intention. A child who understands consequences is one who is wise beyond their years. More importantly, it will divert your child away from unhealthy choices in the midst of teen pressure or chaos.

Before your unsupervised teen heads out the door, remind them to be wise. Explain to your loved one "Be Wise" is code for : taking risks comes with a price, though its ok provided they understand and are ready to accept the consequences. Putting decisive choices into your teen's hands will surprise you. Your teen will recognize their decision, their consequences. Your child will accept accountability for his/ her actions.

Understanding risk helps weigh benefits

With careful and thoughtful exercise, risk should be encouraged. Risk is not for the feeble minded, though preparing and laying potential for bad results will aid your child in having foresight. Understanding risk will help in weighing benefits. This is the calculated risk you want your teen to consider when you are not around. This will lessen the emotional impact when anticipated results occur directly relating to your teen's actions. Chances are, costly or irreversible consequences are avoided. Most of all, your child wont be afraid of risk and the impending consequences with his/ her awareness.

So don't forget, Be Wise!

Enjoy what you have read? Share my message!

© 2012 Bruce Buccio

January 20, 2012

Looking Beyond Adversity for the Divorcee with Children

Divorce complicates things. No surprise, especially for anyone whose lived through this process as an adult or a child. It is especially not easy if you and your Ex are not on the same program with the children. It’s important to understand you can’t control the actions of your Ex nor do you want to. You can try to get on the same page with your Ex with active communication about your children, their needs, and their health. Most likely you are not married anymore due to a lack of being on the same page in at least a few areas which may or may not include your children. If you are both actively communicating about your children then that is wonderful; you won’t need to read further, otherwise it may be helpful to read on and learn more.

For those of you who don’t exactly agree with your Ex’s relationship with your children, and you have tried to meet in the middle or on the same page unsuccessfully, you can still build a consistent plan to move forward. No matter what your Ex does with your children (not eating the right foods, too much TV time, no physical or emotional conditioning, no structure or fly-by-the-seat-of-your pants approach, no rules or at least no consistent rules) and court is not an option, you can still manage to stay on track with good healthy decisions. Your children will learn to understand and see and feel for themselves what’s really best.

Start with structure. Build routine into your child’s lives. Allow them to be and feel safe with their new arrangement. Make your children your priority. Find and create as much time as possible with your kids (work it into the decree if possible) whether its coaching, evening dates, doctors wellness visits, etc. Eat breakfast with them. Make dinner together. Find personal time after they have gone to bed. Consistency works miracles. Let your young children see they can rely on you. Allow your children to focus on things that are more important for a child, such as family, friends, school, sports, fun, creating new relationships, and maybe religion.

Chances are your Ex wont appreciate the bright spots you have developed with your children, and especially if she/ he struggle with their own personal challenges. Words may fly or attempts may be made to manipulate your child’s ideas, though stay the course and stay focused on what is important to your children. More importantly do not put your children in the middle. Regardless of what you hear through small lips, stay focused on your gifts as a parent. It doesn’t matter what your Ex says or does, it doesn’t change the fact you are a wonderful caring parent who loves and holds the best interests of your child. Children will grow and mature with your support and guidance. Most likely, by the time they reach young teen, you will have mutual understanding on where stability exists. This is the very platform to foster and sustain a healthy, loving, safe, and secure long-term relationship with your child.