"Throughout this book, I felt Bruce had a secret window into my own life and private thoughts. Many private feelings I am currently dealing with were addressed and revealed in a manner that made me feel it is not only normal, but I am truly not alone in this. I was surprised that I cried while reading it and the comfort that the words brought me. I read tons of self-help books, among other types of books, and this book actually gives me hope and things to look forward to. My tears were from the fact that I am facing the words I read. I have been getting negative feedback from outside sources and these words reassured me not to listen, keep them out of your life and do what is right. The section on the other home/parent opened my eyes and freed me. I did not go into reading this book thinking it would help me on such a deep emotional level." ~Dorothy Justice, Vice Chair-Community Action Partnership

June 15, 2014

Celebrating Fathers Day- What it means to be a Father

Being a dad is a blessing. For most fathers I don’t need to explain. Its difficult putting the right words together expressing to dads-to-be or childless men what it means to be a father.
Dads are King of the Mountain / Jennifer Cawley
Lets just move to the point. Being a dad is a blessing. For most fathers I don’t need to explain. Its difficult putting the right words together expressing to dads-to-be or childless men what it means to be a father.  How do you explain to someone who has never had the connection or the feeling developed between a father and his child?  There is no other encounter one can match to identify with this experience.  It doesn’t exist.

When a child loves you unconditionally and depends on you for their very existence, it forever changes a man. By building a relationship with your child, you learn some very important attributes about being a gentle giant.

More than any sport, exercise or workout regimen, or career, a man will learn endurance, staying power, strength, resilience, determination, and fortitude. More than football, rugby, and ice hockey, or even a mountain climb, a child will test your very limits without trying or knowing. You can hang up your cleats or skates and return to action another time, but not with your infant.

Having a child for the first time challenges a man’s stamina- his heart, backbone, and mindset. This conversion will turn the biggest and strongest of men into caring, gentle, and sensitive beings with their new bundle. The event separates the men from the boys.

Being a father isn’t innate, in my opinion, like a mother’s native instinct to her newborn- this is a very natural and wholesome bond. A new infant equals instant connection to her/his mother. There’s no middle step.

New dads have to work at it through trial and error and progression. Some dads are naturals and very fortunate – perhaps having good parents, family, and community to help mold him into the man he is today. Even this is no guarantee he’ll be a good dad.

Being a father isn’t just for anyone. Too often some just turn their backs. Where are they going? Perhaps by walking away some may speculate is better for the child in the long run. Negatives in a child’s life would be worse than nothing at all, in my opinion. It’s crucial for children to have fathers in their lives, though. Some never get it. They are too weak to comprehend the magnitude of their decision.

Some dads just accept they are in over their heads and never rebound. You can bring a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink. Unfortunately, others give up before they even start. Imagine their growth and mutual benefit if they didn’t walk away. For all the ones who walk, I hope there is another who steps up.

You don’t have to help in a child’s conception to be a good dad. You can still show a child how awesome and approve of with loving acceptance without the bio credentials. Your support in raising a child could make all the difference in a child’s outlook and life.

Regardless of childhood or past experiences, you can tell a good dad right away just by his attempt. Being a good dad starts with self-discipline and desire to be the one who counts. Yes, lives are counting on you.

There may not be enough room here to express what it means to me about being my kids’ dad. I have grown to understand my children. They are a part of me. Our relationship started in the middle of the night next to their crib- holding, swaying, whispering, humming, etc.

Our connection grew through feedings, diaper changes, and early Saturday mornings so their mother could sleep in. Just for the record, I slept in on Sunday mornings. We worked like a wrestling tagging team- how else could you conquer four little ones?

Beyond self-discipline and desire came preservation, courage, and self-effacing acts of kindness. I embrace their young hearts in lieu of their experience- I know I can make mistakes too.

I love my kids even if it means being stern and stubborn for their own good. Every step I utilize has some benefit to my children even if they don’t see through it or understand it initially. I stand my ground knowing when they have their own kids, they will get it.

What I enjoy most about being a dad is developing their dependence into independence. I mentor, respond, show through example, provide through structure and consistent discipline. We explored together, learned together. I did my best to bring the outside world to them through new experiences and family rituals.

We touched on sports and academia, chased personal interests, and explored our geographical surroundings and beyond to four corners of the US.  Regardless of the landscape, we worked together as a team and learned something about ourselves in the process. We are teachers and mentors.

Without children who would we be? What man would exist where we stand right now? Raising a child teaches us who we are and what defines us. It helps us move beyond our limits and stand at the edge. You can take all the personal achievements in the world strewn with awards, trophies, medals, career promotions, peer accolades, and financial reward- I can vouch, nothing bests the relationships and qualities you gain as a father.

For all the good ones, I raise my glass and I salute you. Happy Fathers Day!

My Photo
Bruce Buccio resides in Colorado, USA, with his beautiful new wife, is loving dad, Author of "Parenting After Divorce: Rebuilding Your Life And Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter (2013)," court appointed state child advocate and expert counseling families professionally in parenting, relationship, personal growth and life changes. Today, he writes primarily inspired by experiences raising his children as single dad, but also writes about inspiration, growth, and love.

© 2014 Bruce Buccio

1 comment:

  1. This is so very true!!! Great work Dad, your children are very lucky!! Thanks for linking up this week, hope you keep coming back!