Start here, if you are in a rut or have challenges and you are seeking wiser strategies/ resolution with regard to single or co-parenting. This is your program and you may work at your pace with "Parenting After Divorce" alone- these are comprehensive steps to become more knowledgeable on creating a new niche in life with your children! Learn more by clicking each step link below:
Phase I Inception - Adjusting and Validation
1. Preparing for Change- Preparing for a life change may mean just becoming aware and accepting change is necessary. Have you or do you want to create changes? You may not even know what the change is or needs to be. You just know moving on would be easier if you could just release or sidestep the unavoidable fears and emotions.
2. New household status- Means you’re the boss of your own domain now. With your new status brings new mixed emotions and challenges. One of the benefits to new single status is doing things your way and for your kids- release the inner voice held over from your ex that says otherwise.
3. Adjusting to new life- You know the tasks at hand and you work through the motions to make a new life, get comfortable, and then out of nowhere it hits you--life will be different. You are confronted with the revelation of being on your own. There may be many reasons for your breakup but that doesn’t matter anymore. The pains are still there, but you’re in a new place now with your new life and new heart.
Phase II Elaboration - Mitigation and Taking Shape
4. Integrating into your kid’s lives- Allowing our focus to drift toward our kids may be the healthy distraction we need. By integrating into your kid’s interests and therefore their lives, a hidden message is provided. It says I’m here for you. I know what you are going through. I know its tough, but I'm with you every step of the way.
5. Working past the ex, negativity, and games- It's not news that its best to work well with the ex spouse for the benefit of the kids. Needless to say, people grow tired of each other and out of love and that’s not exactly a healthy platform to start working together in a new unfamiliar venue. Heeding this very important characteristic will help in the long run.
6. Moving forward- It’s upsetting for all involved and then try to bounce back. It takes time to move through all phases of loss after divorce. By this time, you may still be grieving and attempting to leave the past behind. Re-prioritizing and organizing your life for your future is what’s important now.
Phase III Construction - Developing a Framework
7. Building structure- When we are in our youth we prefer sameness. We grow secure in knowing our surroundings are constant and uniform. This allows us to focus and develop in other areas that are age appropriate. During change or altered lifestyles, children look to us for comfort and security to protect their wellbeing. In a sense, they want to trust in our ability to handle variations for them.
8. Developing rituals with your children- Now is the time to build on your recent triumphs after divorce by improving on your way of life. By developing and bringing rituals into our home, we develop an accord. Family rituals provide opportunity for re-affirming and developing family values, faith, and life experiences. These experiences are a hidden reinforcement everything is going to be ok.
9. Being a reliable resource- What’s your child’s new status? Depending on their age they may have lingering problems from the separation, but won’t communicate. You may observe behavior changes such as withdrawal and just chalk it up to the divorce with hopes everyone will adjust and time will heal. Learning to communicate effectively with your children during this significant time is critical.
Phase IV Transition - Starting the Next Chapter
10. Teach your children well- Our kids can learn from our experiences by seeing how we approach adversity. There are positives in this cloud hanging over us. As adults, we show life can present hard lessons, but we pick ourselves up by the bootstraps and we move on. How challenges are handled could project inadvertently on my children.
11. Staying positive- This is the best dynamic you can achieve with the single most benefit. Times like these are defining moments for you. It’s a big leap leaving a spouse and even bigger with children. It may be the biggest critical decision you will make in your lifetime, though one which may have the largest lasting positive impact depending on how you handle and adjust.
12. Sticking with what works- How do you find your niche? What are your personal gifts to your children? We may question our ability to be a good single or co-parent, however rest on the areas that you are at your best compounded with what you have learned within these twelve segments.
Come join me with other parents on the same track! Program materials, Divorce Kit, and my recent published work, including my book's concepts, strategies, and philosophies are included.
Bruce Buccio counsels and mentors single and co-parents professionally in Parenting, Relationships, Personal Growth and Life Changes. Bruce is Mediator, Court Appointed Child Advocate, and writes primarily inspired by experiences raising his kids, but also writes about inspiration, growth and love.
My inspirational, genuine and objective style can be found here. Use the message button there for reaching out to me confidentially online. Free in-depth consultation sessions if you call me right now.