"Throughout this book, I felt Bruce had a secret window into my own life and private thoughts. Many private feelings I am currently dealing with were addressed and revealed in a manner that made me feel it is not only normal, but I am truly not alone in this. I was surprised that I cried while reading it and the comfort that the words brought me. I read tons of self-help books, among other types of books, and this book actually gives me hope and things to look forward to. My tears were from the fact that I am facing the words I read. I have been getting negative feedback from outside sources and these words reassured me not to listen, keep them out of your life and do what is right. The section on the other home/parent opened my eyes and freed me. I did not go into reading this book thinking it would help me on such a deep emotional level." ~Dorothy Justice, Vice Chair-Community Action Partnership

December 17, 2012

Developing Rituals That Change Everything

Now is the time to build on your recent triumphs after divorce by improving on your way of life together with your children.
This article is the eighth segment in a twelve part series I developed for maximizing your opportunities for success after divorce called, “My 12 Point Ladder To Successful Divorce Transition With Children.” The seventh or last segment published, Building Structure-- In Your Child’s Securityshows how to create a compelling discovery for you and your children that will harmonize your household.

This segment, “Developing Rituals That Change Everything” is about bringing family together to strengthen relationships in time of need. By this time in your transitional development, you are succeeding on a good working balance with your ex, implementing designs on your new personal life, and generating a sustainable household.

Now is the time to build on your recent triumphs after divorce by improving on your way of life together with your children. By developing and bringing rituals into our home, we develop an accord—the love,
unity, agreement, accomplishment, and good emotional health that arrive from the connections that bind family together.

Rituals and traditions alike bring family together. Family rituals provide opportunity for re-affirming and developing family values, faith, and life experiences. These experiences are a hidden reinforcement that everything is going to be ok.

This comes at a time of significant need. Post separation, your children are left curious about their changes, family status, and the scope of their future. By creating and sharing new rituals you institute harmony and a network of support with added family.

What’s more remarkable about rituals is their origin. Starting from an idea, then growing by natural progression from popularity and shared enthusiasm. Your newly instituted customs may just blossom into something very special for a lifetime.

Rituals have the potential to become traditions, which may then get passed down into generations.  It warms my heart thinking about sharing traditions into my prime with grandchildren. Organized family efforts bear the fruit of love and lasting memory. These events are a reflection that family is important.

Rituals with my children started on a lark. This would lead to a post divorce discovery that we could leave the past behind. We could move on together and share something bigger—that creating and sustaining rituals generate healthy distractions and deepen bonds in the process.

We would seek and investigate our surroundings with road trips through our beautiful state. We would make our rounds to our favorite local and national parks. We would camp, explore, rock climb and find beauty in everything we could see. We would tube down extraordinary as well as lazy rivers and we would horseback. Eventually we would strike out beyond our state borders and visit our shorelines--in a sense I would attempt to bring the world to them.

When my girls were young, I took pride in visiting their bedside every night to say I Love You and we would share highlights of the day. I would rotate weekly individual date nights to learn about their world through their eyes, thoughts and dreams over dinner and some activity afterwards.

I sought favorite past times from my youth. I taught them how to ski, sled, and skate as well as how to swim, climb a tree, and ride a bicycle. I looked at sports or any number of varied interests from my children. Now that my children are older, we still identify today with the favorite times we generated so many years ago.

The holidays present ways for creating new customs. I still hide ornaments in the Christmas tree attached with a special message. I taught them how to carve jack-o-lanterns. We build and launch July 4th rockets as a tradition. When we can, I still enjoy the road to Aspen, Co every Labor Day weekend. This Christmas holiday we host and we will be skiing.

Don’t worry about family size. If it’s only you and your children, as with my early experiences, you provide the same message. As your kids grow older they’ll reflect on and share the good times as mine do often. This re-affirms that your efforts made a positive, lasting impression.

Developing rituals allows us to build upon what we have with an improved way of life. These types of customs reinforce our family bonds with the message we are going to be ok. It says we can move on and leave the past behind. Rituals are healthy distractions that serve to promote family without the need to pass judgment or discipline. That’s something we can all live with together many times over and for generations to come.

Next Up! The ninth segment, “Being A Reliable Resource Post Divorce,will help with communicating effectively with your children as though nothing has changed except your living arrangements.

Bruce Buccio resides in Colorado, USA,  is a Rebuilding Coach and Expert and published Author. Today, he writes primarily inspired by experiences raising his children, but also writes about inspiration, growth, and love.

© 2012 Bruce Buccio

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