"Throughout this book, I felt Bruce had a secret window into my own life and private thoughts. Many private feelings I am currently dealing with were addressed and revealed in a manner that made me feel it is not only normal, but I am truly not alone in this. I was surprised that I cried while reading it and the comfort that the words brought me. I read tons of self-help books, among other types of books, and this book actually gives me hope and things to look forward to. My tears were from the fact that I am facing the words I read. I have been getting negative feedback from outside sources and these words reassured me not to listen, keep them out of your life and do what is right. The section on the other home/parent opened my eyes and freed me. I did not go into reading this book thinking it would help me on such a deep emotional level." ~Dorothy Justice, Vice Chair-Community Action Partnership

May 23, 2013

Struggling to Co-parent as a Team

I’m sure there are divorced parents who figure out a way over time to make it work for the kids. No one would argue it’s best to find a good working balance with your ex for the benefit of the children. These situations do exist, however divorce doesn’t exactly promote popular renewed relationships- ones in which the parents start to work together and find harmony after the fact. Divorce takes time for emotions to heal, adjusting to new roles, and parents to get over themselves.

For the most common circumstances immediately after divorce, parents are just struggling to find themselves and learn new roles/responsibilities. For those who have been through divorce, either as an adult or child, it’s hard to imagine team parenting after the breakup. It's more beneficial for both parents to identify a reasonable and practical equilibrium where decisions are not

May 13, 2013

Co-parenting with a Difficult Ex Effectively

Seven significant ways to effectively co-parent with a difficult ex:
Children who must face ongoing fighting and conflict between their parents while they also endure the changes prompted by their parents’ separation or divorce would struggle more with anxiety and depression. Moreover, children who cope with an absent parent as a result of divorce have more behavioral issues. Its best to find a working balance with your ex—provided they are not a menacing or damaging aspect to your child’s life.

Here are ways to identify a difficult ex:

  •  Opposes any decisions or suggestions you make
  • Actively diminish the influence you may have on parenting decisions by making important decisions without collaboration
  • Needs to constantly compete and win against you
  • Acts out defiantly against you by inappropriately using the children as a vice
  • Manipulates the children to love them more than you
  • Talks negatively about you in front of the children.

Seven significant ways to effectively co-parent with a difficult ex:

1. Know your boundaries.  All communication with your ex should remain about your children. Set limits for how your ex responds to you during co-parenting, and how decisions are made for the children.