"Throughout this book, I felt Bruce had a secret window into my own life and private thoughts. Many private feelings I am currently dealing with were addressed and revealed in a manner that made me feel it is not only normal, but I am truly not alone in this. I was surprised that I cried while reading it and the comfort that the words brought me. I read tons of self-help books, among other types of books, and this book actually gives me hope and things to look forward to. My tears were from the fact that I am facing the words I read. I have been getting negative feedback from outside sources and these words reassured me not to listen, keep them out of your life and do what is right. The section on the other home/parent opened my eyes and freed me. I did not go into reading this book thinking it would help me on such a deep emotional level." ~Dorothy Justice, Vice Chair-Community Action Partnership

July 8, 2013

Be a Man’s Man in the Eyes of Divorce

Coming to grips with the truth - in most cases with challenges that are unforeseen or difficult to comprehend or come at the worst possible timing - only makes us stronger in the end.
Going through divorce may present a few challenges. Do you think? It tests our stamina on so many levels that it makes one want to scream at the world- a mere mortal act with hopes of settling all issues at once in one testosterone induced yell. Most men I’m pretty sure have fantasized about themselves out in the middle of some obscure and open place where no one is witness. Some men have achieved this reality including me. Yes, sadly it’s true.

Coming to grips with the truth - in most cases with challenges that are unforeseen or difficult to comprehend or come at the worst possible timing - only makes us stronger in the end.
Seeking and finding resolution in our hearts and minds, regardless of the problem, requires time, patience, and commitment, but also devotion, loyalty and faith.

Change is coming. We’ve all made mistakes and now is the time to leave the past behind. Be a model person and man in your own right. Bring attention to the good and moral and valuable for your children. Find harmony and balance in your new life and status. It’s about doing the right thing.

Release the pains and fears, move forward and develop the strength and stamina to be amazing and allow your children the opportunity to follow in your giant footsteps. After the bitterness wears off, it’s time to awaken and move on. When little ones are pulled into the crisis-in-making, laying aside our intensity and anger in lieu of our child’s new and very real predicament becomes the forefront of our focus.

Engaging and participating in their lives on a new level is the norm and not just about complaining about our own status.  It’s about finding answers to challenging questions that confront us. Then developing a foundation to a new family dynamic in a respectful manner.  It’s time to understand what’s really important in life because whatever it was before didn’t work. "Single Dom" presents life as it never was after divorce and children. It tests us to the brink of emotion, but what doesn’t break us, makes us stronger- also gentler because that’s what’s calling.

Stand up for what’s important in the eyes of your children. Stand for what you believe in. Be accountable for your actions. Accepting your roles and responsibilities as a dad, being the dad and not the mom if your kids have a mom. Do what’s best for your children first and respect others rights to do the same. Recognize others including your kids mom for her role and additional gifts she offers to your children- it doesn’t matter what happened in the past its about your kids now.

It’s about the present, really. Your children benefit from being loved and loving both their parents, in an amiable way, even through divorce.  Because after all, they don’t see things the same way you do. It’s about giving and sacrifice, you see. It’s about adding to the wealth of knowledge and not asking what’s in it for you. It’s about not listening to the naysayers, but rather believing in your self, taking and leading with responsibility. Finally, reflect your re-newed salvation on other men and hold them to a higher standard. 

Going through divorce with children is challenging. Go ahead yell and get it out on your own somewhere. Accept and embrace the truth and then move on. Skip past the drama and confront the issues respectfully and maturely in the eyes of your children. Find resolve in your heart and mind with time, patience, and commitment, but also devotion, loyalty and faith.  Welcome to your salvation.

Find this helpful? Share your personal resolve in one quick summary! Did you scream at the world?

Bruce Buccio resides in Colorado, USA, is a divorced single dad, rebuilding coach and Author of "Parenting After Divorce: Rebuilding Your Life And Reaffirming the Relationships that Matter (2013)," speaker, court appointed child advocate, mediator, and expert helping families professionally in parenting, family, relationship, personal growth and life changes. Today, he writes primarily inspired by experiences raising his children, but also writes about inspiration, growth, and love.

Copyright © 2013 Bruce Buccio

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