Happiness is what you make of it- change in yourself is key

Finding The Path To Happiness/ BB
© All Rights Reserved. 

I could tell you the exact point in time and place I knew I had reached peace within; my very definition of happiness. I will tell you that its silly, though what’s most important is I no longer had to ask myself where happiness was, I just knew.

That’s the beauty of it.

Once I began to feel this inner peace, it was okay to move forward in my life. The culmination of actions that facilitated my change:

1. Placed my career on hold
2. Reached for and received emotional support in my life through unwavering and unconditional love
3. While God is/ was always in my life, I learned to trust in him and therefore in his love
4. Leaned on what was important for me now

Within the last four years, I received a push. I needed more personal fulfillment. I needed to do more. I still managed to stumble, but looking back it all makes sense now. I needed to change accepting the easy and safe route. I needed to change the pattern.

I didn’t want to wait for that disaster.

Looking back, my life was filled with transition: College, Marriage, Children, Interstate move, Divorce, Job change, Career change, Company startup, Planned two-year sabbatical in soul searching, and then another Marriage which I promptly annulled. My choices in life fell on me and I accepted them. I accepted safe because they were easy decisions to make.

For some, hitting rock bottom would create change. When you lose everything? I didn’t want to wait for that disaster. Eventually I chose unsafe. Two years ago I woke up to unhappy. I was sad. I was numb. I was lost. I had to ask myself the initial obvious questions:

• Is it your job?
• Your career?
• Your relationships?

Then more introspection came:

• Lack of having a life served with great personal intentions and interests?
• Being debt-strapped?
• All of the above?
• Or is it just I?

I knew my priorities.

After my divorce to my kids’ mother, I knew and accepted my emotional and financial priorities to my children. That was my base. My children were my nucleus; the center of my world. Everything would extend from there. I made it a priority to love and support my children first. You do what you do. I made good decisions, which supported my lifestyle as Single Dad raising my children. What was lacking was good personal choices for me.

I had to own up to what wasn’t a priority.

I needed to stop, fix, or change the things I didn’t like in my life. I already made my priorities in what I wanted and were important. I released the things that were not, including on separate terms, a large house and a three-month marriage I didn’t believe in. I started to fix myself; all this without a job.

I’m doing the impossible.

My children are grown and off to college, starting new lives. I’m empty nesting. I’m not waiting for life to happen to me anymore. I’m doing. I’m creating.

My greatest passions have always been my children and I love to write. I never considered making a living on writing nonetheless writing inspired by my experiences raising my children. I’m doing what I love and its okay. I’m gaining traction in what makes me feel good. I’m happy.

So here I am, in bliss.

Recently I got engaged to the most beautiful, loving, caring and intelligent woman. My children love her. I feel grateful that Shannon is in my life and is supporting my drive and endeavor. Having the right person or people in your life, including family, help facilitate happiness.

We need people. It’s part of the equation. The culmination of actions listed above brought it together for me. It’s overpowering. I can begin to love myself. I started to allow myself to accept love without the fears and pains instilled from my past.

Some challenges still exist and that’s okay.

Are my recent changes going to rid the realities and challenges that come with everyday life? No, but now I feel empowered to think more positively.

In addition to God, It feels good to know I have someone in my life I can count on. I can trust. I can believe again in matrimony, harmony and balance in my life.

The key is change.

Can you create Happiness? Yes you can. I re-prioritized my life. I downsized my material wealth and released debt. I paid off other debt. I’m now in a position to change every day to what I love doing. I have the things that are important to me: Shannon, my children, writing, and being happy.

I trust in God.

I prayed. I spoke to him and I listen through my heart. I entrust my faith in God and took a leap. I have nothing to lose. I’m embracing change.

With change, I can see the light through the trees. I know I’m on the right path. There’s so much to do and so little time, starting with this blog.

By writing and doing what I love, I want to help others who struggle with our new epidemic called single parenting. It’s on the rise. Children are at risk and need our help.

Are you happy? Is change the answer? Do you want to change? I can help you through the preparation, transition and rebuilding into the next chapter in your life.

© 2012 Bruce Buccio

Daughters and Dating- protecting your daughter from the harsh realities

Daughters Are Friends/ BB
© All Rights Reserved.

By age 16 your daughter is a young woman (fathers who disagree, we’ll need to take it offline) and should be respected as one. Long before you light those sweet sixteen candles, you can start sharing your wisdom on the subject of boys and dating.

Teen boys typically don’t comprehend relationships or the many potential consequences and yet are expected to take the lead on this complex and dynamic event. Your teen daughter is amassed into a world of same aged boys

Valentines Day- giving love and accepting love are equally important

Valentines Day! In the few countries that share this holiday (The U.K., France, Belgium, U.S., Canada, Mexico, and Australia), celebratory love will transcend to combinations of poems, chocolate, personal notes, jewelry, perfume/cologne, dinner, flowers, and engagement proposals. The most gifted, greeting cards at 65% according to a recent US Census Bureau report. Although accounts of St Valentine’s origin are mixed, what remain consistent are the Christianity ties and a romanticized saint martyred for his rebellious actions. In the process, he shared his love passed in a note, the most notable form being, “From your Valentine”. Credit image insert, by ArloMagicMan.

Children of Divorce; your child loves both of you

Child's Privilege/ Dalla*

By the time your loved ones get into their young teens and definitely by age 15, your child will have pieced together on their own which parent has it together and which one cannot get it together. Regardless, your children love both of you even if you don’t live together anymore; it’s your child’s privilege. Im sorry, it’s not your job to imply or influence otherwise.

Healthier solutions exist

Rather, accept your child’s needs over certain impulses you own. Finding harmony is the perfect power play when it comes to your child’s well being. Respect your child’s interests with your Ex; your little one probably didn’t have a say in the current household status. You don’t necessarily have to agree with it, just respect it. When it comes to issues with your Ex, healthier solutions exist.

In the case, for example, with children being manipulated against the other parent.

You may ask what gain is there using a child as a vice?

In the case where putting the other parent down.

You may ask who are we really hurting and what lasting scars are we inflicting?

In the case where putting our child consistently in a position to care for their younger siblings in our place.

You may ask why are our children expected to grow up faster?

In the case where placing our child in a position of confidence with our personal issues.

You may ask what are we stealing from our children?

In the case where lacking good healthy choices for our children.

You may ask why unusual priorities are impacting my children?

In the case where playing the blame game after several years of divorce.

One has to ask whom are we really cheating?

Your answer:

1. You love your children
2. You allow your loved ones to express themselves without judgement
3. You point out your ex’s bright spots even when her/ his actions seem weak or are questionable
4. You allow your little ones to view the world as a beautiful place even though their parents don’t live together anymore

Children will grasp your engaging commitment

As you can see, the above list combined is a healthy way to solve many concerns. You may not realize or see it now, though your children will grasp your engaging commitment eventually and this is gold; your personal investment to your child’s long-term emotional health. Your care and understanding to this very delicate situation counts. Divorce has consequences we cannot escape; it’s best to draw attention to the positive sides.

Rectify areas you own

Children will need an outlet. Let them talk out their concerns in the confines of your arms. Don’t put words in their mouth, but rather hear them out; really listen to what they are saying. Think through your conversation afterwards and give your self time to understand the transaction. Begin to rectify areas you own.

Your child will embrace your support and guidance

You do not necessarily have to respond to your Ex for issues she/ he owns, unless there is room for serious concern. For less dire situations, support your child’s immediate need for sympathy and compassion to the situation. Your child will embrace your support and guidance, and more importantly your unconditional love.

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© 2012 Bruce Buccio