|Daughters Are Friends/ BB|
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Teen boys typically don’t comprehend relationships or the many potential consequences and yet are expected to take the lead on this complex and dynamic event. Your teen daughter is amassed into a world of same aged boys
who are less emotionally mature.
Boys much older than your adolescent daughter place your child at a distinct disadvantage and risk on many scales. For parents of only boys you may be shaking your head with disbelief that this is complicated. However, this reaction draws more fear into the eyes of parents with only daughters.
Personally, I preferred my daughters not date one-on-one before their sixteenth birthday. The alternative for anyone younger, based from experience as a parent of daughters, is group dates and events-- going to events in the presence of mixed gender friends. Otherwise, girls too young typically are at a disadvantage and are not prepared.
"...this is protecting your daughter from the harsh realities and relative unknowns..."
Girls prior to age sixteen aren’t armed with the skill-set to manage the complexities, agendas, and needs of a boy. This isn’t overprotecting; however this is protecting your daughter from the harsh realities and relative unknowns at an age she’s not prepared. So help her get prepared on terms she will be agreeable. Group dates allow her to ease in at her pace and her comfort level. It works.
Your child will achieve her much needed independence with her friends and peers while her social priorities are not at risk. She won’t have the hassles of an individual relationship. Single relationships at a younger age bring more burdens on your daughter than anything positive. She’ll be happier. Group environments will foster greater bonds, the building of new friendships and beginnings, and in an environment she trusts. Your daughter will mature in leaps and bounds before your eyes.
"Single relationships at a younger age bring more burdens on your daughter than anything positive."
Boys can and will come calling early. The ones with more advanced agendas the earlier. Protect her. Meet the boys. Look him in the eye and squeeze tightly on the handshake. Peel back some of the obscure layers for your daughter to observe. Young boys can be relentless and your daughter has an opportunity to learn boundaries.
"Look him in the eye and squeeze tightly on the handshake."
No matter how cute he is, how wonderful his family, varsity sports or academic resume, he’s a boy. You can receive a glowing endorsement about him from teachers, his mom and dad, your neighbor, and coaches; he’s still a boy. His social stature and academic prowess doesn’t change anything. For both parents, focus on your daughter. Boys will come and go, though you are an integrated facet and model in her life.
Eventually, your brave new child will be better prepared emotionally and intellectually. At sixteen, your daughter will be in a better position to manage relationship dynamics with boys on her own. She'll be more confident and aware about dating, rather than going in cold and susceptible to a misunderstanding. She won’t tell you everything and that’s OK. You don’t have to be your daughter’s Facebook friend. This is a delicate and sensitive area when it comes to your child’s privacy. Communicate openly and actively in person with good intelligent questions in a manner that’s respectful.
"Boys get crazy ideas; learn to diffuse labels and advanced agendas..."
Here is what you can advise your daughter on dating:
- Have fun; keep it simple
- Be smarter and always one step ahead of the nonsense, be keen on accepting invitations for where and when; don’t be afraid of suggesting another venue
- Boys get crazy ideas; learn to diffuse labels and advanced agendas (hanging out on his couch = not cool, even if he says his parents will be home)
- Your image and reputation is at risk; boys like to talk and embellish stories. Choose your friends wisely.
- There is always more fish in the sea; be selective
It takes extra care and precaution with preparing and supporting your loved ones for this event; its not something to overlook when it comes to your daughter or even your son. For those parents of only boys who are still shaking their heads, here’s something I hope will resonate; there are girls (or immature women) who can be just as if not more cunning and deceptive. The alternative approach in groups is always best until your child is older and better prepared. Wink!
"For those parents of only boys who are still shaking their heads, here’s something I hope will resonate..."
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© 2012 Bruce Buccio