Stick With What Works

This article is the twelfth and final segment to a 12 Step Awareness Program that helps move through divorce successfully with children. This currently published series and collateral seminar program is based on successful concepts, strategies and philosophies from my new book, Success With Your Children In Divorce (2013). The eleventh or last segment, “Staying Positive”, supported looking inward for insightful personal change and ownership, but while not judging yourself. 

By this stage in your development process, you’ve grown through separation and divorce and created new stronger family dynamics with your children. Through this process, my hope is you’ve been taking notes, running closely with the highlighted points, and building from what feels comfortable for you and your children. 

Identifying with all segments here help with understanding to trust your gifts and sustaining a path that wins over your children. Single and co-parenting can be a challenging effort initially when we depart from
our spouse. In fact it’s overwhelming! Keep it simple. Make it positive. Don’t lose track of what gains you’ve reached with your kids to date. Do your thing the way you are comfortable while finding your way and creating a new niche for you and your kids.

Working together with your co-parent and openly communicating is ideal naturally. Consistently striving to find a balance that works with your ex will serve dividends. If your relationship is adversarial, you could reach new heights from experiences discovered in this program. If your ex partner is absent in your kids lives, a whole set of different challenges are present. This series of steps within will help break new ground for you and your child.

Here’s a small slice of the program and what we’ve learned from current segments beginning to end:

1. Preparing for a life change may mean just becoming aware and accepting change is necessary. Nothing quite prepares us for separation and divorce, but it’s best to do with integrity and dignity. Having options in my life is what’s important now. 

2. Congratulations, it’s your new beginning. Transitioning in divorce with children won't be easy. You may not realize or see it now but you will grow from this and you will be happier than ever. It will take time. I'm sorry, its over, start your new life now.

3. The kids are acclimating to their new living arrangements. You don’t know what tomorrow brings, but you managed to get through another day. Now what? You’re in a new place now with your new life and new heart- creating new habits, practices, and disciplines is your new norm.

4. Build deeper bonds merely from the additional individual closeness and time together. Don’t let your kids get lost in the shuffle. By integrating into your kid’s interests and therefore their lives, a hidden message is provided.

5. Greatest benefit for both you and your children is to mitigate a lot of the issues up front. Defuse immature tactics with your warm persona, hugs, kisses, and smile with your children. Healthier solutions exist when you are overwhelmed with the lack of understanding or care in the other home.

6. Keep your eyes on the horizon toward your new goals and destination. Re-prioritizing and organizing your life for your future is what’s important now. Play out your new life designed to benefit your children and you.

7. There are two significant areas we can help our children cope and mitigate stress after the divorce or separation—by building structure (a framework of consistency and predictability) into their lives and by minimizing change, we develop an understanding together.

8. Developing rituals allows us to build upon what we have with an improved way of life. These types of customs reinforce our family bonds with the message we are going to be ok. Rituals are healthy distractions that serve to promote family without the need to pass judgment or discipline.

9. Communicating effectively with your children is critical. Working through the new persistent challenges that divorce presents in our after-married-life may create displeasure, but identifying with our children’s issues is priority.

10. Opportunity doesn't stop because of divorce. It may bring fears and pains, though don’t let that project onto your kids. Your kids have so much more to learn from how you accept change and define your life as you move forward to a brighter, deeper, future together.

11. Staying positive through your transition means looking inward for insightful personal change and ownership. You will know when you are whole and complete again. It might not happen today or tomorrow, but you’ll feel it eventually if you employ the tricks and tips found within this program.

12. Learn to trust your gifts and sustain a path that wins over you and your children. Looking back now, you’ve learned these steps support your objectives to become a bigger healthier person. How do you sustain this path? Take what you offer most to your family and build on it with what you’ve cultured here.

By completing this program you will have accomplished a defining moment in your life as you seek success to a healthier new family. Utilizing the steps in this 12 Step Awareness Program will facilitate and lead to a better lifestyle for you while promoting a prosperous life for your child’s future.

If you feel success with your new family, then provide the same benefit to your kid's other parent by distributing this program information. Everyone involved, including grandparents and co-parents, can gain from this experience by being on the same page--the children benefit from all relationships in their life with the wealth of knowledge learned here.

It’s in my greatest confidence and pleasure to help you lift an enormous weight off your shoulders while achieving these steps.

Genuinely and Respectfully,

Bruce

P.S.

Available in eBook formats. Look for Dates/ Times for this 12 Step Awareness Program. Speaking Engagements and Webinars available upon request.

Bruce Buccio resides in Colorado, USA,  is a Rebuilding Coach and Expert and published Author. Today, he writes primarily inspired by experiences raising his children, but also writes about inspiration, growth, and love.

© 2013 Bruce Buccio