Disciplining Today’s Techno Teen/Tween doesn’t include a Street Corner

Today’s child is pulled into a world where we ourselves wouldn’t be comfortable at their age. We can’t compare our childhood with today’s child. Just think for a moment trying to keep up with online comparisons such as Facebook “friends” and “likes” while in junior high school. Today’s tweener and teen techno student is swept into an online popularity contest via smart phones and a whole host of media mobile devices and applications. Not to mention inherent challenges that come with an unpredictable environment such as cyber bullying among other senseless tactics- as parents our worst fear is a subsequent suicide from a defenseless and unwary adolescent.

Today’s topic is inspired by a recent national report on a parent who placed her 7^th grader on a street corner with a sign apologizing for “twerking” at a school dance.

Talking with Your Children about Divorce

We can’t expect our children to derive answers on their own. Learning to understand your child’s world through listening to their questions, ideas and thoughts will be critical-steal the opportunity to show your children individually, ‘I’m vested in YOU, YOU are important, and I approve of YOU lovingly and with acceptance.’

Speaking with your children together in advance about separation establishes a healthy pattern of communication with your children. Although what and how you say things varies by age, there are some central things that children always want to know.

Talking with children about separation won't be pleasant to say the least. Children between ages 8-13 will challenge you and will be upset. Children older may have already seen it coming. This doesn’t mean they won’t be hurt but may suppress those

Be a Man’s Man in the Eyes of Divorce

Going through divorce may present a few challenges. Do you think? It tests our stamina on so many levels that it makes one want to scream at the world- a mere mortal act with hopes of settling all issues at once in one testosterone induced yell. Most men I’m pretty sure have fantasized about themselves out in the middle of some obscure and open place where no one is witness. Some men have achieved this reality including me. Yes, sadly it’s true.

Coming to grips with the truth - in most cases with challenges that are unforeseen or difficult to comprehend or come at the worst possible timing - only makes us stronger in the end.

Struggling to Co-parent as a Team

I’m sure there are divorced parents who figure out a way over time to make it work for the kids. No one would argue it’s best to find a good working balance with your ex for the benefit of the children. These situations do exist, however divorce doesn’t exactly promote popular renewed relationships- ones in which the parents start to work together and find harmony after the fact. Divorce takes time for emotions to heal, adjusting to new roles, and parents to get over themselves.

For the most common circumstances immediately after divorce, parents are just struggling to find themselves and learn new roles/responsibilities. For those who have been through divorce, either as an adult or child, it’s hard to imagine team parenting after the breakup. It's more beneficial for both parents to identify a reasonable and practical equilibrium where decisions are not

Co-parenting with a Difficult Ex Effectively

Children who must face ongoing fighting and conflict between their parents while they also endure the changes prompted by their parents’ separation or divorce would struggle more with anxiety and depression. Moreover, children who cope with an absent parent as a result of divorce have more behavioral issues. Its best to find a working balance with your ex—provided they are not a menacing or damaging aspect to your child’s life.

Here are ways to identify a difficult ex:

•  Opposes any decisions or suggestions you make
• Actively diminish the influence you may have on parenting decisions by making important decisions without collaboration
• Needs to constantly compete and win against you
• Acts out defiantly against you by inappropriately using the children as a vice
• Manipulates the children to love them more than you
• Talks negatively about you in front of the children.

Seven significant ways to effectively co-parent with a difficult ex:

1. Know your boundaries.  All communication with your ex should remain about your children. Set limits for how your ex responds to you during co-parenting, and how decisions are made for the children.

Coping with Visitation Through a Separation/ Divorce Agreement

My adult children l-r: Cassie, Therese, Sammy, and Valerie

When divorce becomes reality, parents are faced with numerous unexpected challenges. Splitting apart a family into separate households tests our stamina--only to learn later the real ordeal begins.

One thing I hear more often with recently, adjusting, single dads is visitation rights every other weekend. As soon as I hear, "...visitation every two weeks…," I cringe. This will only create conflict in the hearts of men and their children.

My own observations, from experience and history, are parents cannot be a measurable difference in a child’s life when connecting only twice a month. In fact, you want shared custody as even and equal to your partner as possible. This will make a considerable difference in your lives together immediately. Having a father in the picture changes the outlook and life of a child. Children who have two participating parents and active father have fewer behavioral problems whether the parents are together or not.

Second, there is no room for flexibility. It sounds counter

Stick With What Works

This article is the twelfth and final segment to a 12 Step Awareness Program that helps move through divorce successfully with children. This currently published series and collateral seminar program is based on successful concepts, strategies and philosophies from my new book, Success With Your Children In Divorce (2013). The eleventh or last segment, “Staying Positive”, supported looking inward for insightful personal change and ownership, but while not judging yourself. 

By this stage in your development process, you’ve grown through separation and divorce and created new stronger family dynamics with your children. Through this process, my hope is you’ve been taking notes, running closely with the highlighted points, and building from what feels comfortable for you and your children. 

Identifying with all segments here help with understanding to trust your gifts and sustaining a path that wins over your children. Single and co-parenting can be a challenging effort initially when we depart from

Staying Positive

This article is the eleventh segment in a twelve part series I developed for maximizing success after divorce called, “My 12 Point Ladder To Successful Divorce Transition With Children.” The tenth or last segment published, “Teach Your Children Well” helped with showing your children opportunity doesn’t stop because of divorce.

This segment, “Staying Positive”, supports looking inward for insightful personal change and ownership, but while not judging yourself. What I might hear from clients today is how challenging it is to move forward, a la "…. Feet stuck in cement. No motivation. Don’t know what their future holds. No confidence. Just going through the motions."

Family and friends may reach out to support you through the initial tough times or immediately after the

Teach Your Children Well

This article is the tenth segment in a twelve part series I developed for maximizing your opportunities for success after divorce called, “My 12 Point Ladder To Successful Divorce Transition With Children.” The ninth or last segment published, “Being A Reliable Resource” helped with identifying how to communicate your love and support effectively with your children during this critical time in your lives.

This segment, “Teach Your Children Well”, supports the individual times you have created with your children by showing opportunity doesn’t stop because of divorce. By this time in your transitional development, you are building structure and adding stability back into your kid’s lives, creating new rituals with your children with any number of family rituals I personally developed, and you

Being A Reliable Resource Post-Divorce

This article is the ninth segment in a twelve part series I developed for maximizing your opportunities for success after divorce called, “My 12 Point Ladder To Successful Divorce Transition With Children.” The eighth or last segment published, “Developing Rituals That Change Everything” showed how to reinforce family bonds and send the hidden message, “We are going to be ok. We can move on and leave the past behind.”

This segment, “Being A Reliable Resource…” helps with communicating effectively with your children during this significant time in your lives moving forward as though only your living arrangements have changed. By this time in your transitional development, you are finding more time with your children, identifying and adjusting in your